


Looking For Heaven

by OblivionsGarden



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-06-20 23:10:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15544239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OblivionsGarden/pseuds/OblivionsGarden
Summary: Home. It was a word that had lost meaning over the years. Once, it had meant the tiny box room at the back of her dad's house. Then it was a larger room, painted pink and cream, at her mom's. Then it had just been the road for a while and then a pokey apartment in Vegas. The cell. Now? She wasn't sure. But she sure did miss that town called Charming. (Tig/OC)





	1. They never say that you gotta grow up, quite this soon...

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
**Chapter title -**   _They never say that you gotta grow up, quite this soon..._  
**Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
**Genre -**  Romance _/Drama/Family_  
**Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
**Chapter Word Count -**   _5543 words._

 **A/n -**   _I know I'm way late to the SOA party, but I finally watched all of the series recently, (at the insistence of my sister in law and I'm currently on my second run through) and I bloody loved it! I fell for Tiggy (and Chibs) and just had to write something for him. Just so happens I've had this pink haired OC knocking around my brain for a while with no home and she falls into this story so well that it's all worked out nicely. The title of this fic is from the song of the same name by Tonight alive. I hope you all enjoy reading this story, and I hope my inspiration doesn't run dry any time soon. I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

_-There will be an age difference between Tig and my oc but obviously, there will be nothing between them until everyone is legally aged but I just wanted to say in case anyone is uncomfortable reading about an age gap.-_

_-There will a few or so pre-main story chapters first and then we'll begin the main story which will begin as season one began.-_

_-Also every chapter title will be lyrics from a song that will in someway relate to the chapter. #1 is **Barbies by Pink**.-_

* * *

_**WARNING - This chapter contains descriptions of violence and sexual assault. If you are not comfortable with that then please do not read.** _

* * *

Home. It was a word that had lost meaning over the years. Once, it had meant the tiny box room at the back of her dad's house. Then it was a larger room, painted pink and cream, at her mom's. Then it had just been the road for a while and then a pokey apartment in Vegas. The cell. Now? She wasn't sure. But she sure did miss that town called Charming.

She hadn't been there since she was just sixteen years old with the whole world at her feet. She'd had plans, big plans, and some asshole took them all away without a second thought. Going back there would be hard, would bring up alot of long buried memories that she'd really rather forget. But that's where her family was and if she was honest, family was her real home.

* * *

_~Ten years previous. Suffolk, England.~_

Mark Greene had seen this day coming, knew one day he'd go to wake her up for school and find her room empty.

Beth Teller had had enough. At just fourteen years old she had put up with enough of her fathers emotional manipulation and just couldn't take another day of it. She had her own mind now, her own way of thinking, her own opinions and her own bad attitude. None of which were liked by her father. He had fought hard for custody and dragged her to England, far away from her 'bitch' mother to try and stop her from turning out like the rest of the Tellers. But clearly, his efforts were for naught. No matter how many times her father reminded her she was the result of a drunken one night stand, that her mother would never love her as much as she did her sons, Beth knew better. Teller blood runs deep and Beth was every bit her mothers daughter. Strong willed, or stubborn as a mule most would say, heart on her sleeve and sometimes too cocky for her own good.

Beth hated him. Hated his passive aggressive, manipulative, uncaring way of parenting, hated that she only got to see her mother four weeks in a year, hated that he tried to control everything from her eating to her clothes, her music and her mind. She wanted love, caring, just a little compassion from time to time... But she'd never get that from him, never had. So finally, she packed her shit, left the house and called her mother.

"Yeah?" The voice on the other end of the line was groggy, just woken up and Beth mentally cursed herself for not thinking of the time difference.

"Mum?" She sighed. "Sorry, forgot you're behind us."

"Baby? Don't worry about it." There was the sound of shuffling, she was probably leaving the bedroom so as not to wake her husband. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I left home... I can't live with dad anymore he's driving me insane."

"Honey, I-"

"I know he's got custody but you're my mother and it's the summer holidays. I was thinking I could come over to see you and then we can figure something out from there. Please? If I stay one of us is going to end up doing time for murder." There was a moment of silence before her mother spoke again.

"Alright. I'll book you some tickets to pick up at the airport and call you back when it's all arranged. Which airport can you get to?"

"Stanstead's closest I think."

"Go there, I'll arrange everything."

"Thanks mum. I love you."

"Love you too, darling."

* * *

Beth had never been alone on a flight before and made a mental note she did not want to do it again any time soon. She had been too on edge anytime someone so much as glanced her way that she hadn't eaten a thing or managed to get any sleep. Maybe it was something to do with her big brother and her step father being part of an MC and having heard alot of their stories before. And those stories were only the tame ones.

When her grateful feet touched American soil she felt an immediate sense of calm. She was home, California, soon to be back with her real family, not just the glorified self entitled sperm donor she had for a father. She yawned her way through customs and baggage claim, shuffling outside to look for her mothers car. Only she didn't see it, instead a shiny black Harley was propped up with a helmet hanging from the handle bars. Beth looked up into soft blue eyes, a surge of energy over coming her as she ran into her brothers arms.

"Hey, darlin'." Jax drawled into her ear, arms encircling her and lifting her into the air. "We've all missed you."

"I missed you guys too." She was beaming now, long haul flight already forgotten. "Where's mum?"

"Mom, is over there." He pointed across the parking lot to where Gemma was waiting by the trunk of her car. "No way my baby sister is gonna come all the way over here on her own and not get a hug from me before anyone else."

Jax helped her carry her luggage over to the car, shoving it into the trunk whilst Gemma clung onto her daughter as though her life depended on it. He heard mumbled 'i missed you's' and waited until they finally pulled away before letting them know he was heading to take care of some club business and he'd see them at the garage later.

Beth switched the radio to a random music station, lifting her feet onto the dashboard with a contented smile. Gemma, who usually would have told her to get her damn feet down, watched her amusedly. Gemma Teller was a woman who never gave up fighting for her kids and Beth was no exception. Just because that bastard won custody all those years ago didn't mean she stopped fighting. She was forever back and forth to her lawyers, trying to get Beth back to her real home in Charming. She had even contemplated doing it illegally and just taking Beth but she knew it'd be too easy to trace. But there was something about this time, the way Beth had been on the phone, that told her this was the time she would be there to stay.

"So are you gonna explain to me why this visit was so urgent?" Gemma finally asked once they were on the road home.

"He wasn't gonna bring me this year." Beth mumbled, reaching to lower the volume of the radio. "You don't know what he's like."

"So tell me." The elder Teller woman pulled a cigarette from the centre console of the car, figuring she was going to need a smoke for this story.

"He controls everything. He tells me when to get up, when to go to sleep, what to eat, how much to eat, how fast to eat, what to drink, who to be friends with, what I should wear, what shows I watch, what music I listen to... He tells me what my fucking opinion is on stuff! Like, I should be the one to decide what I think of something!"

"Language." Gemma scolded, half-heartedly. "Why didn't you ever tell me before?"

"Because I deal, it's what I do."

"Yeah well, Teller's don't have to just 'deal'. We don't put up with that shit, especially from assholes like your father."

"Language." Beth teased, turning a little in her seat. "He'll know I'm here. He's probably gonna come get me. Or even just send social services to get me or the cops."

"Hey, you let me deal with that. You have fun being home. All the boys missed you."

* * *

Beth must have dropped off at some point during their drive home because the next thing she knew she was in the old familiar clubhouse, curled up on one of the sofas with a light blanket covering her shoulders. She idly wondered who carried her in when she heard a Scottish accent just to her right.

"Afternoon, lass."

"Chibs!" Beth was up and crossing the room to pull Chibs into a tight hug.

The Scot had always been close to Beth, right from the day she was born. At first it had been due to the absence of his own young daughter but over time, he loved Beth for who she was. He was the one she turned to when she didn't want to talk to her mom or her brother. He was the one that reassured her that Clay did care about her. It was a topic that died when she turned thirteen but for a long time, Beth had worried about her step father.

When Beth was conceived, John Teller was in Belfast, Gemma and Clay already starting their affair. But they had had an explosive argument which resulted in Gemma drinking the afternoon and most of the evening away before falling into bed with a British tourist. Beth thought maybe she was a sore reminder of Gemma's infidelity to Clay, but Chibs assured her Clay loved her like his own.

"We've missed you darlin'. Everyone's waitin' for you to wake up so's they can have a cuddle."

"I've missed everyone too. Didn't think I'd make it back this year."

"Aye, Gemma said you're da's been givin' you trouble." Chibs had that look in his eye, that dark dangerous look that meant he wanted to hurt someone. Beth had only ever seen it at the mention of a man called Jimmy before.

"Same old crap he's always doing. I've just had enough this time, that's all." She left his grip and headed for the door. "I'm gonna say hi to everyone." She knew the topic wouldn't be left, not until the boys had done something about the man bothering Princess Teller.

She found Clay and Bobby seated at the tables outside, their prospect Juice sweeping the floor in front of them. Beth had only met Juice once the year previous when he had first asked to prospect and was happy to see he was now doing just that. Clay gave her a tight hug, Bobby soon doing the same. They spoke for a while before Tig and Happy came over from the garage once they noticed she was awake.

It was strange how just a certain group of people standing around, hearing about her life since the last time they saw her, could make her feel so calm and safe and wanted. Never once had she felt out of place in Charming and it just made her all the more determined not to return to England.

* * *

As Beth had predicted, her dad arrived in Charming less that two days after her. He drove straight to the garage, demanding for her to pack her stuff and get in his car. But Beth stood firm, knowing her family was with her, and told him to fuck off. Tig and Chibs snorted behind her as Jax, Clay and Gemma stood by her side.

They argued back and forth for a while, remaining verbal, until Mark lunged forward and grabbed his daughter wrist, dragging her to his car. She tried her best to pull away from him but his grip was strong and tight, stopping the blood flow to her hand and giving her fingers that strange tingling feeling like when she slept on it.

But it was a wrong move. Mark never should've touched her. Jax was on him in a second, grabbing him by his collar and slamming him to the ground. Gemma pulled her daughter back to her, taking her wrist and gently rubbing circles into it. Jax and Clay were on top of Mark, Chibs, Tig, Bobby, Juice, Opie and Happy surrounding them, ready to act if they were needed. Gemma warned them not to do any damage, it would only give him the courts support in taking Beth back to England. Reluctantly, Jax lifted him back to his feet, shoving him towards the car and making sure he knew not to come back to Charming.

The court order came and the Teller-Morrow family went together to plead their case. Jax and Clay even removed their cuts to ensure there would be no prejudice from the social services. Beth was terrified she'd have to go back and tearfully told the officials everything her father did to control her every move, how he made her feel like nothing. Gemma held her hand the whole time, scowling at Mark across the room. And by some miracle, or what felt like it to Beth, the courts granted custody to Gemma and Clay, ordering Mark Greene to pay child support until Beth's eighteenth birthday.

* * *

Beth Teller's life seemed to be plain sailing from that moment on. She enrolled in a new school and made a handful of friends to get into new trouble with. She learned everything from the boys about how to fix cars and Clay even let her work at the garage on the weekends for a little extra allowance. The MC kept it's business away from family life, Jax's girl Tara had just got her crow tattoo for him, despite Gemma still hating her, and Beth never heard from her father again.

Being the youngest of the Teller's she had earned the nickname 'Baby' and if she was honest with herself, she loved it. She loved being taken care of by everyone even if she was being taught how to handle herself. Gemma wasn't thrilled about her fighting lessons from Happy at first but when Beth told her she just wanted to be able to take care of herself, she relented. Happy was pleased to see she was a good student, focusing hard and practicing too. She even sparred against her brother a couple of times and won. Of course he was going easy on her but she knew against someone her own age or someone unpracticed, she'd be fine.

Opie and Jax got to play the over protective big brother roles they loved so much. Opie was an only child and Jax's best friend, the only siblings he'd even known had been the Teller kids. Anytime Beth came home from school with a boy in tow, they were there giving him a good stare down and making sure they knew who Samcro were. The boys would never come again after that and Beth couldn't find it in herself to be mad at them. This was what she'd always wanted.

Piney and Bobby became her weird Uncle's that she loved more than anything, telling her stories from their youth, questioning her generations choices and giving her some of the strangest advice she'd ever received. Things like, 'if you're gonna borrow money, borrow from a pessimist cause they'll never expect it back' or 'if in doubt, mumble.' She'd never understood that last one.

Chibs had always been a surrogate dad to her and whilst she still called him Chibs to his face, in conversation with others, she just called him dad to save time. Chibs had overheard her once and spent the rest of the day with a grin on his face. Tig and Happy teased him about it for a while but they all knew what it meant to him, what with Kerrianne on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.

Tig liked to tease her about how she dressed, nothing cruel, just light-hearted fun that she always returned. Jax wore baggy jeans and trainers with his cut, Gemma's entire wardrobe was almost entirely black, but Beth? She liked skirts and dresses, pink with glitter and frills. But there was an edge to it. A pink frilled skirt and tank top with a beaten denim jacket and chunky black boots. Tig once said she was like Barbie meets Tank Girl and even when she hit her mid 20's she said it was the best compliment she'd ever received.

* * *

She had two great years in Charming, full of love and care, the life she used to dream about. It was fast approaching her sixteenth birthday and preparations for her party were in full swing. She had said she didn't need anything big but Gemma didn't do small. The clubhouse was the venue, of course. Not your average sweet sixteen location but there'd be alot of bikers there who knew and loved Baby Teller who'd want somewhere safe and familiar to get good and loaded. Beth's friends were strictly forbidden from entering the clubhouse.

When she woke up the morning of July 25th, Jax and all the boys were already over, waiting for breakfast with the birthday girl. Clay had ensured there was no club business that day, per Gemma's request and Beth was so grateful to have all her favorite people around her. Even her best friend Emily had come over to hang out until her party that evening.

" _Tonight's the night I've waited for because you're not a baby anymore. You've turned into the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Happy birthday, sweet sixteen_." Chibs sung to her as she entered the room, laughing at the instant blush that graced her cheeks. She was still in her pink pajamas, patterned with white polka dots as she made herself some tea. Gemma would've done it but her all too British child insisted that American's made trash tea.

" _What happened to that funny face, my little tomboy now wears satin and lace. I can't believe my eyes you're just a teenage dream. Happy birthday, sweet sixteen_." Bobby did his usual Elvis routine and Beth groaned, moving to sit between Jax and Emily, who was blushing given her crush on the eldest Teller.

" _When you were only six, I was your big brother._ " Jax started to croon into her ear, leaning into her. " _Then when you were ten, we didn't like each other. When you were thirteen, you were my funny valentine. But since you've grown up, your future is sewn up_."

"Guys, seriously you can stop now." She groaned, elbowing her brother away but her words only had the entire table up in chorus.

" _From now on you're gonna be mine, so, if I should smile with sweet surprise. It's just that you've grown up before my very eyes. You've turned into the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Happy birthday, sweet sixteen_."

"Ok, are we done?" She giggled. "Can we eat?"

"Happy birthday, Baby." Gemma kissed the top of daughters head before taking her seat beside Clay.

Everyone eventually broke off into their own conversations around the table after giving their birthday wishes. Emily and Beth were a little sad they couldn't stay out too late since her birthday fell the day before school but were planning to have their own fun anyway. Beth was allowed in the clubhouse even though none of the other teenagers were and the girls had already made a plan to sneak some alcohol out from behind the bar once the adults were too drunk to notice. Which given a bunch of bikers, wouldn't take long at all. They were excited at the prospect of getting drunk for the first time in their young lives and were giddy with excitement all morning.

They talked about what they would wear, who from their classes were coming, and just how much older Jax was than Emily. Beth assured her she had no chance but Emily couldn't resist his blue eyed charm. Beth thought she must roll her eyes every other minute when Jax and Emily were near each other, given that Jax had the tendency to wink and smirk at the young girl just to tease her.

Once breakfast had been eaten, presents were given and again, Beth felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Tig got her a brand new camera, after she had found an old Kodak of Gemma's in a storage box and become obsessed with taking pictures everywhere she went. She didn't like to keep her pictures in albums, but rather bundled them up by months and tie a little string with a date label around to keep together in a box.

Bobby got her a new acoustic guitar since he had been teaching her how to play. A deep purple sunburst pattern with the word 'Baby' engraved in silver lettering on the head. Benathe was a silver crown, owing to her being Baby 'princess' Teller. The inlays on the frets were personalized too, little stars instead of dots. Beth never expected anything so personal and kissed Bobby on the cheek once she'd given it a good once over.

Opie got her a bunch of art books to go along with the art supplies that Piney got. Happy's tattooing had got her into art in a big way and she was quickly learning to follow in his footsteps. Happy got her a book about traditional tattoo art and a note that promised to give her her first tattoo come her eighteenth birthday. Gemma had muttered a low 'we'll see about that'. Juice got her tickets to see a local punk band she had fallen in love with the year previous and promised Gemma he would keep her safe the day of the gig. Emily got her some brand new make up she had been wanting for a long time and Jax got her a new pair of chunky soled doc martens in a glittering pink. She had nearly tackled him from the chair when she opened them.

Chibs took her away to one side to give her his gift, waiting for everyone else to get more coffee. His gift came in a small box and Beth was a little confused as to why a little jewelry would be so private for him. Frowning she opened the box, gasping when she saw a small gold band inside. The pattern matched a ring that Chibs always wore on his middle finger.

"It's a Scottish Celtic pattern." He spoke quietly, so as not to be heard by the others. "I always planned to give one to Kerrianne on her sixteenth but I dunnae think I'll get to see her. You're as good as mine anyway, so I just-"

Beth cut him off with a tight hug, squeezing him to her. She could feel tears stinging her eyes as she pulled back and pressed a kiss to his scarred cheek. She whispered a thank you and slipped it onto her middle finger of her right hand, exactly where he wore his. They returned to the table together and Gemma smiled a warm smile, having known exactly what Chibs was up to. Jax lifted her hand to inspect the band and nodded at his brother.

Gemma and Clay's gift was last and it had Beth practically bouncing off her chair. It was a gorgeous black dress, covered in glittering beads. She had begged for a dress for her party, but nothing too flouncy and fancy. Gemma had hit the nail on the head with this. It was halterneck and knee length so nothing too outrageous but paired with her new pink boots from her brother she would look like the most bad ass sixteen year old in Charming.

She kissed her mum and step dad, grabbed her presents with the help of Emily, and the two girls ran off to her bedroom to start getting ready.

* * *

The party was probably the best night of Beth's young life. Her family was there, her closest friends, even a couple of the cute grunge boys she had a crush on had come to hang out for a while and she knew once she got the alcohol from behind the bar, she would forever be on their cool list.

They spent the earlier part of the evening eating burgers and hot dogs from the grill that Bobby was manning, they also spent a good amount of time laughing at the hair net Gemma forced him into. She showed off her dress, boots and ring to anyone who would listen to her for half a minute and she danced with all of the guys. Jax, taking on his role of embarrassing big brother, even made her stand on his feet like she did when she was a little girl and they danced to Disney songs together. Gemma was taking pictures on Beth's new camera for her all night until Beth took it for herself, getting pictures of her favorite people. She nearly passed out when Sam, the cute boy from school that had a bright red mohawk, surprised her with a kiss on the cheek as Emily took a picture of them together. (Although Opie and Clay had been quick to stare him down right after and he scurried away.)

Once the adults were good and drunk, Beth sneaked Emily into the clubhouse with her, slipping unseen behind the bar and grabbing three bottles of whatever they could reach. They ran as fast as they could around the side of the clubhouse, meeting up with some of the boys. Looking at their loots they realized they had rum, whiskey and some kind of liqueur. The teenagers sat around and shared the bottles, the liqueur giving everyone a bad taste on their tongue. As the evening wore on and people began leaving, Beth could hear Gemma calling for her and panicked.

"Shit." She stumbled to her feet, blushing as Sam caught her elbow and righted her. "Mum will kill me if she sees me like this."

"What do we do?" Emily asked. "I was supposed to be home an hour ago."

"Crap." Beth watched her friend, who was much steadier than she was and nodded. "Cover for me?"

"Always."

"Tell mum I've gone home early cause I was tired and that you need someone to get you home cause you're late. Jax might give you a ride if he's sober enough." She winked.

"Ok. Where are you really going?"

"I'm gonna walk around the block and clear my head and then go home before mum realizes I've been drinking whiskey with a group of boys." Beth snorted and gave her friend a quick hug.

She watched her head toward Gemma before leaving with Sam and his friends. Unfortunately, the boys lived in the opposite direction to where she was walking and so she bid them farewell after they made her promise to hang out with them sometime.

Walking alone in the dark usually would've scared her, given the horror stories she had heard. But this was Charming, the town her brother and step dad made safe. Besides, she was only going around the block for now and her drunken mind was telling her she was invincible with Samcro as her family.

She was three quarters of the way around the block when that invincible feeling started to wear off, only to be replaced with an uneasy feeling telling her to look over her shoulder. She did, spotting a dark figure just a few feet behind her, hood obscuring their face. Her heart thumped loudly against her chest and she subconsciously sped up. She tried to tell herself it was just some guy headed home, maybe even someone who had been at her party, but she heard their foot falls speed up to match hers. Just as she made to run, she felt them grab her shoulder, pulling her back into their chest.

They wrapped an arm around her middle, keeping her arms pinned to her side and used their free hand to cover her mouth. She tried to make as much noise as she could, able to see the gates to the garage from where they were stood but it was no use. She tried desperately to fight against them, remember what Happy had taught her to get away but this person was twice her size and far stronger.

She was dragged backward, far from the clubhouse and bundled into the back of a truck, where she was struck in the head, knocking her into darkness.

* * *

When she came to she could feel herself being pulled by her ankles. The ground beneath her was wet and smelt like mud. Opening her eyes she could see the moonlight shining down on her through the trees and realized she was in some kind of wooded area. There was nothing around to give her an exact location though and she wondered just how far from home she really was.

She took a breath and yanked one of her feet from her kidnappers grasp, flipping onto her front to push herself into a sprint. She didn't get far. The ground was too wet, the leaves beneath her boots too slippy to grip onto. She was grabbed once again from behind, this time to be thrown onto the ground, knocking all breath from her lungs. She looked up, seeing the man's face for the first time, his hood no longer covering it. He looked to be around forty, beady sunken eyes and chapped lips. His skin was pasty with that waxy sheen that Lowell sometimes had when he was back on smack. She knew his face, had seen it somewhere before but she just couldn't place it.

He aimed a hard kick to her ribs and used his foot on her shoulder to shove her onto her back. Her head was spinning as she tried desperately to think of someway to get out of this. She felt him straddle her, run his hands over her stomach and up her sides. She flinched away from him and as soon as she did he punched her in the jaw, bringing the metallic taste of blood to her tongue. The word ' _please_ ' was on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed it. She would  _not_  beg him.

Instead she used some of her last remaining energy to shove him backwards and try to run, but again, he was too fast. He lay on top of her this time, his nose brushing hers as he stared her down. She saw the blood shot eyes and the blown out pupils and knew he was high on something. She fought against him but she only served to piss him off even more as he reached over and grabbed a rock from the ground, bringing it down against her head and knocking her unconscious once more.

* * *

This time she didn't want to open her eyes. She could feel the cold air on her body and knew her dress was gone, she could even feel that her boots were missing. She could hear him, grunting, moving around on top of her and refused to look at him for even a second. She rolled her head to the side, catching a glimpse of the trees, something scurrying up the side of one in the darkness. She tried to move her arms to cover her chest but he was quick to grab her wrists and pin them down.

"Glad your awake." He grunted next to her ear. "You'll enjoy it eventually."

"You're sick." She spat, and earned another slap.

"Don't piss me off little girl. I can make this much worse for you."

"Do you know who my family are?" She forced herself to look at him, meet his stare and remember his face. He would pay for this, if she made it out alive.

"What are you the Oswalds brat?" He smirked. "Think some rich prick is gonna make me suffer?"

"I'm Baby Teller." She spoke clear and sure, she knew her name was known. "Jax Teller is my brother and Clay Morrow is my step father. The Sons Of Anarchy are my family and you are _fucked_."

Unconsciousness was welcomed this time.

* * *

The pain she felt when she next woke up was unbearable. She could feel it everywhere, like flames on her skin, scorching her flesh until is was sure to fall from bone. She heard a noise, loud and inhuman and when a large calloused hand came down on her mouth she realized she had made it. The pain was in her stomach, her ribs, face, chest... She couldn't name one place that didn't scream with pain. She pressed her hand to her stomach and then lifted it into her line of vision. Red. Nothing but red.

And then he was above her again, leaning over her with a panicked look in her eye. He was on the come down.

"Can't have you talking." He mumbled, to her or himself she wasn't sure. "Would've liked you to remember, nightmares are always fun... But no, not you. Not with the Sons." She saw a flash of silver in the early morning light and knew it was a knife. She knew, somehow, that this was the end of it.

She felt the cold metal pressed against her neck and could feel it cutting her skin and closed her eyes, feeling the tears she didn't know she was crying. She tried to be the brave, stubborn bitch her mother always taught her to be but she wasn't. In that moment she was a terrified sixteen year old girl, lying naked and beaten in forest with a knife against her throat. She opened her mouth and said one word.

" _Please_."


	2. I never want to leave this sunset town but one day the time may come...

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _I never want to leave this sunset town but one day the time may come..._  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family/Horror_  
 **Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _6424 words._  
 **Title Song -**   _Good Times - All Time Low_

 **A/n -**   _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

**WARNING -**   _ **This chapter contains descriptions of graphic violence and sexual assault. If you are not comfortable with that then please do not read.**_

* * *

"Baby? Birthday's over, time for school." Gemma knocked hard on her daughters bedroom door. "If you're not down for breakfast in five minutes I'm coming and flipping the mattress, if you're on it or not."

She smiled to herself, recalling the old trick from Jax's youth. As she headed back into the kitchen, she idly wondered to herself if her Tommy would've been the same, had he reached those lazy teen years. She shook the thought from her head, Gemma was not someone to dwell on the bad past. Instead she settled on making Beth's favorite, honey and cinnamon porridge. Again, she remembered not to bother with the tea, lest it be wasted by her fussy daughter.

"It's been five minutes." Clay muttered over the paper when Gemma set the bowl down. "Give her five more. It was a hell of a party."

"Yeah, if she's anything like I was at sixteen she would've stolen some beer and sneaked out with that punk kid from her school."

"She did." Clay chuckled. "Tig saw her take three bottles from behind the bar when she thought no one was watching."

"And you let her?"

"Getting drunk at sixteen is a learning curve." Clay laughed, pulling his wife into his lap. "I bet you got up to all kinds of crazy shit at her age."

"I did. And she is so like me." Gemma teased. "I bet she made out with that boy round the back of the clubhouse." Clay's smile dropped as his protective step-dad role reared it's head.

"She should be up for school."

"Baby!" Laughing as she went, Gemma called her daughters name from the bottom of the stairs. "I can't hear you moving!" She knocked on the door again but heard nothing and so with a sigh, she headed in, shocked to see her bed empty, clothes still scattered from where she and Emily had got ready the day previous.

With a shake of her head she went back to the kitchen, picking up the landline phone and calling Emily's house. Her mom answered and happily handed the phone over when she heard about the new mischief that had occurred.

"Hi, Mrs Teller." Emily sounded chipper as ever.

"Hey kid." Gemma was smirking as she waited to hear what she thought she already knew. "I was just wondering where my daughter got to last night."

"What do you mean? She was tired and went home, remember?"

"Except she isn't in her bed this morning... Don't worry, no one is gonna get into trouble. Just tell the truth, did she go to that boy's house?"

"No, she-"

"Are you sure?"

"You're sure she's not home?" Emily's voice had changed, become quieter and shaky. Gemma frowned.

"I'm sure. You don't know where she is?"

"No... We... Oh crap. We stole some beer and we got a little drunk so she asked me to cover for her and said she was gonna walk around the block to sober up and then go home. I swear, she didn't go with the boys, they live on the other side of town and Beth always said she wouldn't sleep with someone she wasn't already dating so there's no way she went with them. If she's not home, she's not with me, then I don't know where she is. I'm so sorry Mrs Teller, I'm sorry I lied to you, I just thought that-"

"Emily, listen to me." Gemma's heart was pounding as she listened to the little girl on the other end of the line. "If you hear from Beth, you call me immediately do you understand?"

"Yes, Mrs Teller. I'm so sorry."

Gemma hung up, turning to Clay who was already stood waiting to hear what the confusion was about.

"What's going on, baby?"

"She's missing." Gemma's face was pale and Clay gently guided her into a chair. "She walked around the block to clear her head. She was supposed to come home straight after. Clay, where's my baby?"

"Call Emily back and get the names of those boys and let me know. I'll see if they know anything. I'll call Jax and everyone, get them out searching." He knelt down in front of her, pulling her chin to look him in the eye. "Baby is just as tough as you, if not more so. You know that and I know that. She probably just went to hang out with some of her other friends that couldn't come to the party. You know how some of their parents feel about Samcro. We'll find her, probably hung over but otherwise fine. You'll see."

* * *

It was going to hurt, sting and throb in ways she'd never experienced. But she had to wake up, open her eyes, see the sun again. She could already feel some of it but her mind wasn't fully acknowledging the extent of what her body had been through. It was warm though, the Californian sun was just barely touching her skin through the shade of the trees. With a shaking breath, she opened her eyes, squinting in the light as she looked around her.

She could see her dress just a few feet from her, half covered by fallen leaves, but that was about all she could see that didn't already belong in the woods. Sitting up took her a few long minutes but it was that first push that got her going. She thought of her mum, realizing she was gone and sending Clay and Jax out to find her. She had to be somewhere someone could see her. She could hear cars and knew there was a road nearby.

With quickly dwindling energy but a determined head, she crawled to her dress, not surprised to see the huge tear down the front. She slipped it on anyway, pulling the fabric together over her breasts and holding it in place as she climbed to her feet. She yelled out in pain, a growling scream as her body was forced to finally feel the damage. She looked down, saw the blood running down the insides of her thighs, on her stomach and could feel it, caked and sticky on her cheeks and neck.

Another deep breath and she stumbled forward on shaky feet, heading towards the sound of the highway. It took her almost an hour of falling and getting back up again until eventually, she just managed to crawl into view of the cars. She thought about waving someone, anyone, over to her but she wasn't sure she would trust getting into a strangers car, even if she was close to passing out again. No. She had to wait. It wouldn't be long till she'd hear that familiar rumble of a bike engine.

She was right. The sound bought comfort and she once again forced her eyes to open, spotting a black dot in the distance, the sound arriving before they did. She tried to stand but her legs had given up and so instead, she stayed on her knees, waving one arm in the air as the other kept her dress closed.

"Please..." She murmured to herself. "Please see me."

The bike drew closer and for a heart stopping moment she thought it was going to go right by. But then she heard the engine cut off and the sound of footsteps behind her and tried to turn. The pain in her ribs stopped her and she dropped her raised hand to hold her side. She must have been a sight to see, all beaten up and covered in blood.

"Holy shit." Suddenly there was someone in front of her, hands pressing to her face so they could see her. She felt a shirt slip over her shoulders and she pushed her arms into the sleeves, letting them button it up to cover her properly.

"Opie." A laugh escaped the depths of her, she wasn't alone now, but it turned into a sob as she sunk into his chest, clutching his cut as if she were worried he would leave.

"I got you, sweetheart." He was moving but she couldn't let him go. He didn't try to make her either, just shifted so he could pick her up, seating her in front of him on the bike. "I need you to hold onto me as tight as you can ok? We're gonna get you to a hospital."

Beth barely nodded, just found comfort in the smell of leather and motor oil and kept her grip tight.

* * *

The white, harshly lit corridors of the hospital were familiar to all the members of Samcro and most of the people who associated with them. But not a single one of them ever thought they would be there for this. The boys all got there within minutes of Opie calling them. Clay was last, heading back to pick up Gemma, knowing she was in no state to drive herself.

The boys had all glanced in through the door, saw the damage done to their princess. None of them had anything to say or knew what to do. Chibs was angry, pacing the corridor, clenching and unclenching his fists. He was muttering about the things he'd do to whoever did this to her as the others sat around on the chairs in silence. Jax was at the door, looking through the small pane of glass, watching the doctors every move. His eyes stung with tears and his chest was tight with anger but he couldn't pull himself away. Not until Gemma arrived.

"Where is she?" Her voice was an octave higher than usual and Jax spun around to see his mother marching for the door. "Is she in there?" He caught her arms, guiding her from the window.

"Don't look, mom." He whispered. "Don't see her like that."

Gemma pushed him off and Clay gestured for him to let her go. She pushed through the door, ignoring the nurses that tried to usher her out. A gasp rose from the pit of her stomach as she saw Beth, tiny in the bed, all bloody and bruised. She clutched at her chest, feeling her heart pounding out of beat and Jax was quick to pull her out and sit her down. He held her to him, letting her cry into his shirt. She didn't stop for all of the hours they had to wait to hear from the doctor.

They were all taken into a private family room and told to take a seat. They knew that was bad news. The doctor seemed nervous to deliver the message, whether it was their Samcro affiliation or just the news itself they didn't know but Jax quietly encouraged him to just get it out.

"You're the mother, yes?" The Doctor was looking at Gemma, noting the clear distress as she clutched Jax and Clay's hands either side of her. The rest of the men were seated around the room, leaning forward to hear what had happened.

"Beth has been through a horrific ordeal and has multiple injuries. However, she is going to be ok." He smiled reassuringly but Gemma was still waiting for the rest. "Most of her injuries are superficial and will heal within a few weeks."

"What are they?" She asked, voice struggling to stay steady. Clay nodded for the doctor to go on.

"She has alot of bruising. On her wrists, ankles, back, neck, hips and her eyes. She has a split lip, a shattered cheek bone, three of her back teeth have been knocked out..." The doctor paused to look at his notes, never having told the extent of injuries like this to a family before. "She has multiple stitches in her head, two cracked ribs, knife wounds on her lower stomach and beneath her right breast and it seems her attacker attempted to cut her throat and leave her for dead. However, the cut was not nearly deep enough."

Gemma could barely breathe, her grip on Clay and Jax stiff and unmoving. Jax wanted so desperately to be strong for his mom and his sister but he couldn't stop the tears from running down his cheeks. None of them could.

"There is one other thing, Mrs Teller." The doctor began, his voice unsure again. "Your daughter was raped, brutally-" Gemma flinched at the word. "But the attacker didn't just stop there."

"What do you mean?" Jax asked, frowning.

"Beth was sodomized." He began. "Something metal and sharp. We've tried to repair the internal damage but I'm afraid Beth will never be able to have children."

Gemma bolted to the side of the room, vomiting in the trash bin on the floor. She sank to her knees, clutching the bin as she sobbed. Jax vaguely heard the doctor say something about letting them know when they can see her before he left. He knelt down beside his mom, pulling her close to his chest as Clay stood to address his men.

"Tig, Chibs, I want you two here in case this is some sick fuck who realizes he didn't manage to kill her. Juice and Opie, head back to the clubhouse and check the cameras from last night. Emily said she was supposed to walk around the block before she went home, see if you can see anything. Bobby and Piney ask around town, see if anyone saw anything and Happy... Call everyone who was there last night. Someone has to know something."

The men left, Tig and Chibs heading to guard Beth's room as Clay looked down at his broken family on the floor. He and Jax got Gemma back on her feet and into a chair. Her eyes was glassy as she looked down at her hands.

"I should've been watching her." She whispered. "I should've kept her in the clubhouse."

"Don't blame yourself for this mom." Jax held her hand again. "It's not your fault. And when we find the sick fuck who did this to Baby, I'm gonna tear him apart."

"We will." Clay nodded. "But right now, Beth is gonna need us. No doubt Unser will be here soon to talk to her."

* * *

It was another hour or so before the doctor said that Beth was awake and able to have visitors. Jax, Clay and Gemma went in together, each taking a seat around the bed that she looked so small in. Her eye and cheek were slightly swollen, the bruising making it look even worse. Gemma rushed over, almost hugging her daughter before pulling back, worried that she may hurt her. Instead she opted for pressing a kiss to her forehead and taking one of her hands in hers. Jax had the other, holding the back of it to his lips.

"How you feeling, Baby?" Gemma asked in a quiet voice. "The doc told us everything."

"He hasn't said anything to me." Beth's voice was hoarse, her eyes refusing to look anywhere other than her feet. "I know there's something bad but he won't tell me."

"Nothing you need to worry about yet." Gemma glanced to Jax who nodded.

"Beth, did you see him?" Clay asked, itching to dish out some revenge.

"No." She lied. She knew him, knew his face and couldn't forget it. It's all she could see when she closed her eyes. "It was dark. They were wearing black, had their hood up... Sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for." Jax said softly. "Only thing you need to do is rest up and heal. We'll take care of finding that asshole."

"No." Beth finally looked into her brothers eyes. "Just leave it alone."

"Wha-" Jax shook his head. "Baby, this fucker has got to pay for what he's done to you."

"And he will. But not yet, please. Just drop it."

"You wanna know that bad thing?" Jax dropped his sisters hand, standing from the chair. "The thing the doctor won't tell you?"

"Jackson." Gemma warned, seeing the fire in her sons eyes.

"You can't have kids." His lip curled as he spoke, knowing the filthy things this man had done to his baby sister. "He damaged your insides so badly you won't ever have your own baby."

"Mum?" Beth turned her head. "Is that true?" Gemma didn't say a word, not knowing what to say. Tears began to spill down her cheeks as she pulled her hand away from Gemma's, shaking as she touched her head, trying to process the information. She had always dreamed of having children, meeting a nice guy, getting married and having two boys and a girl, just like her mum did. And now that dream was gone, just like that. "Please get out." She cried, ignoring the pleas from Gemma. "Just leave me alone.  _Get out!_ "

The family left, Gemma hitting Jax's chest for what he had said but Clay pulled her back. They were all hurting, no one knew how to handle the situation. Jax left, rage filling every fiber of him. He needed to hurt someone, get it out of his system so he could focus of Beth's recovery. He passed Unser by the door who upon seeing the chaos of the family torn apart, decided he could come back and take a statement tomorrow.

* * *

After a few days of shitty hospital food, Beth was able to go back home. Things had gone back to normal between the family, Jax had apologized and she had forgiven him, understood how he felt. She was angry too. And everyone could see it, see something brewing deep within her and it had everyone worried.

"It's a dangerous combination, Clay." Chibs had said as they sat around the old redwood to discuss what they had managed to find about the attack. "She's scared and she's angry. It's only a matter of time before that comes to the forefront and someone else gets hurt."

"We know, that's why I've got Juice at the house keeping an eye on things. If she leaves, we'll know about it."

"Someone's gonna pay for this brother." Tig nodded at Jax, leaning forward as they began to discuss their findings. So far, they had nothing. Not a single damn thing.

"Only thing we could see on the cameras was this." Opie turned Juice's laptop for the group to see. A grainy cctv footage of Beth, moving fast in the top corner of the screen only to be dragged backwards. "That's all we've got."

"If she was grabbed right outside that means she was moved in a car or something. No way he dragged her all the way to the highway." Piney said. "Did the cops find any tracks?"

"Not a damn thing." Tig groaned. "Whoever this was cleaned up good. They couldn't even find Beth's boots."

* * *

Over the next few weeks, the pain in her body subsided. The internal damage had made it painful to walk for a while but now it felt like mild cramps and she'd had worse than that when she had her period. Her bruises were fading, the swelling around her broken cheekbone was almost gone and her ribs didn't ache when she breathed. Physically, she was almost back to normal.

 _Mentally_? That was a whole other situation. She was good at pretending during the day. Acting like she was ok and just dealing with it in her own way. Or at least she thought so. But night time brought the nightmares, the flashes of memory that she couldn't fight off. She'd lost count of how many times Gemma had woken her up after being roused by her screams. She wanted to tell Gemma how she felt, how helpless and scared she was, how much anger she had inside at this man. But every time she tried the words seemed to get stuck in her throat.

She knew now who the man was too. She had started to go stir crazy, locked up in her room like Rapunzel and begged Juice to let her go out with Emily. He agreed to take them both to the ice cream shop, letting them sit outside together whilst he stayed by his bike. Even the young prospect knew she needed some level of normalcy back in her life.

She could feel someone watching her and at first, thought it was just Juice, keeping check. But when she looked, she could see him. He was hiding in the shadows but he was wearing his uniform. The red shirt from the 7/11 stood out and his name suddenly popped into her mind. Roy Bishop. A local boy she knew, Kip, had served with him. He told her he was always on edge whilst they were away serving their country, always made Kip nervous. She had thought Kip was trying to be funny, get on the good side of the Samcro princess and maybe he'd be able to prospect one day.

She had made Juice take them both home, no longer interested in Ice Cream. Her anger was overshadowing any fear she had and she made her plan. There was no way Samcro would take care of this for her. She wanted him to feel what she had gone through and only she could make him feel that. She also knew the boys would never let her get involved in something like this and so she did one thing she never thought she would. She called her father.

It took a few phone calls back and forth but she eventually managed to convince him to sign over access to her old savings account. Rather than pay Gemma child support they had decided his monthly payments would go into an account that she could have when she was eighteen, be it for college or a down payment on a car or her own place to live. She told him she wanted to pay for her own driving lessons and get her own car two years early. She told him he wouldn't have to pay into the account anymore and he would never have to deal with Gemma again. Mark had been waiting years for the day the Gemma Teller would truly be out of his life and so he agreed.

The court had ordered him the standard of $430 a month in support and after two years there was just over $10,000 in that account. She spent the next few weeks going to various banks and atm's, taking out cash bit by bit so as not to alert anyone. She also convinced the boys that her attacker must be long gone, since they haven't found anything in town yet. It was around three months after the attack that she headed into town to find Kip. She asked about Roy, if he still worked at the 7/11 and he confirmed the fact. She passed off her curiosity as her just being extra cautious around creepy men nowadays. Kip was all too happy to offer to go into the store for her if she needed something, sweet as he always was, but she declined the offer.

With five thousand dollars in her pink and white striped back pack, she headed just outside of Charming, to territory she knew for a fact was dangerous for her to be in. If Jax saw her now his head would explode. She saw two of the cuts first, nervously clearing her throat to draw their attention. Both men's hands went to their guns, resting them there as they stared down at this tiny little thing, dressed in denim and pink.

"I'm looking for Marcus Alvarez." She kept her voice steady and clear, her head held high as she looked them in the eye.

"And what's the Samcro princess want with our president?" Asked one of the men. His cut read Sargent at Arms and Beth knew immediately why he was so defensive. It was the same reason Tig would always jump in front of Clay.

"I have business to discuss with him."

"Business you can discuss with your own familia little girl. Run along home now."

"My familia don't know I'm here,  _little boy_. I'm here to talk to Alvarez and I can wait if I have to."

"You got some guts, Teller, I'll give you that." Alvarez came out from the building they were stood in front of. "Stay out here ese, keep an eye out for any trouble." He gestured for Beth to follow him and so she did, shooting a smug smirk at the man outside.

They went into a small room and sat down at a large desk. Alvarez, despite his affiliations, had some kindness in his eyes. Beth had seen it before when she'd passed him in the street during a school field trip. Whether it was because of her age she didn't know but she hoped it would come into play today.

"What's the business?"

"You know what happened to me, I assume? Everyone else in town seems to know." She had become the local gossip. People in the street would stare and point, whispers of 'she's the girl that got raped' followed her for weeks.

"I heard." He nodded. "You're family haven't found him yet?"

"Because I haven't told them where he is."

"You know who it is?"

"I knew who he was when he was on top of me." She took a breath, forcing images from her mind. "This revenge is not theirs to take. It's mine."

"Revenge is a dangerous path. You could-"

"I know exactly what it could do to me, who it might turn me into. I don't care. I  _have_  to do it."

"Ok." Marcus watched her for a moment, seeing the rage and fury in her. He had it too, so did her brother, her mother and no doubt Clay when he was younger. He knew what path this girl was on, where her life would lead her if she did this. But he also knew how they all felt at her age, at the point their lives changed forever. No one would dissuade her from this. "Where do I come in?"

"I need you to get him for me. Take him somewhere secluded where we won't be found for a while and keep quiet about it. I'll take care of the rest."

"And I'm supposed to just do this out of the kindness of my heart?"

"No." She unzipped the backpack, pulling it open so he could see the cash. "I have five grand right here. I have a little more, but not much."

"Where does a sixteen year old get five grand?"

"College fund." She shrugged. She waited whilst he counted the cash, nodding as he placed it on his desk and handed back her bag. "He works at the 7/11."

* * *

Alvarez had made her agree that his involvement of this wouldn't get back to Samcro, even though she had no intention of ever mentioning the meeting to them anyway. It was three days later when she received word. Nothing more than an address, scrawled on the back of a leaflet one of his men was handing out in disguise. She knew the place vaguely. An old barn, way off the beaten track. She had heard of it because Oswald had intended to buy it a year or so ago but ended up getting a bigger chunk of land closer to town.

Something she had begun doing in recent weeks to help with her plan, was waking up at the crack of dawn and going for a long walk, leaving a note behind for Gemma and Clay. She did it randomly, but often enough that it wouldn't seem abnormal to do it that morning. She had a bag packed and ready the night before so all she had to do, was dress and leave. Everything had already been taken care of.

She pulled out her old push bike from the garage, wanting to have as much time as she could in that barn. It was only eight thirty when she arrived. The place was deadly silent as she checked all around the outside and the surrounding area for any Mayans that may be waiting. Inside she did the same, heart thudding loud when she spotted the man that attacked her secured to a chair.

He had a bag over his head and was slumped forward slightly, making Beth wonder if he was asleep. She kicked his foot and he jerked upright, sounds of panic coming from him. He asked who was there, begged to be released, begged not to die. Beth ignored all of it. There was an old crate in the corner and she dragged it forward, tipping it onto it's side to sit on. She lifted the bag from his head, giving him a moment for his eyes to adjust to the poor lighting.

"Shit." He gasped. "I fucking knew it would be you. Where are they?"

"Where's who?"

"Your family? The Sons?"

"They're not coming." She was surprising herself with how calm she sounded. Inside her heart was hammering and stuttering over beats, mind whirring with all the things she wanted to do to him. "But Jax isn't the only Teller you should be scared of. I want you to hurt and my imagination is pretty damn vivid."

She stood from her seat, moving over to her bag and pulling out a smaller plastic carrier from it. Inside there were various instruments that could hurt someone, things to make him suffer. But first, all she needed was scissors. He flinched when she turned back around but he wasn't crying yet. Beth was going to make him cry.

She cut off all of his clothes until he was sat naked before her. She watched him for a moment, let him squirm as she did. He asked what she was going to do to him. Truthfully, she hadn't thought that far ahead. All she did know was that it would hurt. She had all the tools she could need but first, she needed to get out the brunt of her frustration.

She punched him, once, twice, again and again until his chair tipped back, trapping his hands beneath it. She didn't stop, couldn't stop. Just kept hitting him and hitting him until she could hear his breathing become garbled. She paused just enough to see him choking on his own blood and moved him back upright, letting him spit it out. He couldn't die yet. She looked down and saw a tooth in the blood and saliva and smiled to herself, her tongue moving around to find the three holes in her own mouth. She got up close to him, inspecting the damage and releasing a small chuckled when she saw the imprint of the ring Chibs had got her for her birthday.

"Go ahead." He grunted. "Doesn't change the fact that I destroyed your little cunt."

"Go ahead, be all pissed off and brave. Doesn't change the fact that I'm gonna cut your needle dick  _off_."

He spat at her, blood covering her face as she grimaced at him. She slapped him again, calling him a dirty bastard before moving back to her hastily made tool kit. She had knives, a hammer, shears... Anything she could think of. She picked up the knife first and stood in front of him. He watched her, smirking. He didn't think she would do it. Leaning forward she pressed the knife down hard along the top of his rib cage, cutting him as he had her and again on his lower stomach. He grimaced and tried to pull away but said nothing.

She continued her torturous plan long into the early afternoon, taking breaks to make sure he could really feel every ounce of pain. Eventually though, even she was tired and nearing the end of her rage. She could feel it waning, she had almost had enough. Almost. But before she ended this, there was just one thing she wanted to know.

"Why did you choose me that night?"

He looked up, face a bloody mess as he tried to focus on one of the three wobbling images of the girl in front of him. "You were pretty." He slurred. "I saw you before at the store... talking to Kip." He spat on the floor again. "Knew you'd be a virgin. Never had a virgin before."

"But why all the pain? Why not just rape me and move on?"

"I was going to... But if your brother found out-"

She stood up, grabbing the garden shears from her bag. She untied his hands and tipped him from his chair. He was too hurt to run anywhere or even put up a fight. Using her foot, she rolling him onto his back, leaning to place his flaccid penis between the blades of the shears.

"You know I always wanted kids when I grew up... Always had that dream, ever since I was a little girl." This was it, her anger was at it's final stage, overtaken with her sorrow at everything he had taken. "I can't have them anymore... All because you thought I was  _pretty_." Her tears spilled over, running down her chin as she tilted her head back, dropping the shears.

"M'sorry." He tried desperately to lift his head. "Please..." And just like that the anger was back.

"Please?  _Please?_  That's what I said to you." She grabbed the shears and forced them closed, erupting into hysterical laughter at the scream that came from him but it soon subsided into loud sobbing, hunched on her knees beside the dying man.

Once she had composed herself, she stood and moved to her bag. She pulled out a package of wet wipes, cleaning off her hands and face. She changed her clothes into some she had brought with her and then pulled out a notepad and a pen and began to write as she watch Roy Bishop bleed out across the room, his dick lay between his knees.

* * *

Jax Teller had been on edge for months trying to find the sick bastard that hurt his little sister. The boys knew better than to push him and so whenever it was time for Chapel, the atmosphere was still as tense as when they first heard about the attack. Club matters were still present and needed to be dealt with but it remained that finding this man was priority.

Clay was in the middle of talking when there was a knock on the doors to Church. Everybody knew better than to knock when they were in there and so with a frown, Chibs answered. Kip was there looking a little worried in front of the surly Scot but he held up an envelope in his hand.

"Beth asked me to give this to you guys, no matter what you were doing." He said quietly. "Sorry for disturbing you." He handed over the envelope and quickly took off again.

Chibs handed it to Jax who opened it to find a letter, written in Beth's curling girlish hand writing. He began to skim read, hands shaking when he got through the beginning. The guys were waiting to hear what it said.

"She's gone." He said. "She's fucking gone." Clay took the letter from Jax's shaking hands and began to read it aloud.

" _Boys, if Kip does as he's asked then when you get this letter, I won't be in Charming_." Clay glanced at Jax who's fists were clenched and knuckles white. " _Please don't come looking for me. I knew all along who attacked me and I wanted to tell you but I just couldn't get the words out. I wanted him to pay and to feel what I felt. I wanted him to suffer like I did and I knew I had to do this myself._ "

"For the love of god tell me she didn't go after this fucker." Chibs closed his eyes as he waited to hear the rest.

" _His name was Roy Bishop, he served with Kip and was working at the 7/11. I took him to the old barn, the one that Oswald was going to buy but never did. I know what revenge can do to a person but I'm sure you can all understand why I had to do this. I hurt him and I hurt him bad. I made it last all morning, for hours. I made him beg. I asked him why he chose me. I don't know why but I guess something in me just needed to know. He thought I was pretty. That was it. Just a pretty virgin..._ " Clay paused to compose himself before he continued. " _He screwed me up inside so I screwed him up outside. I cut his dick off. He won't rape any other girl, ever again_."

"That's my girl." Tig murmured but there was no smile on his face.

" _As I sit writing this, he's bleeding out across the room. I had planned to come home and tell you this myself but I know now that I can't do that. Charming is always going to be the place that I lost everything that made me who I am. To people who live here I'm always going to be that kid that got raped on her birthday and I don't think I can handle that. The nightmares aren't going away and I don't think any amount of that bullshit therapy the doctor sent me to is going to help. I just can't be in Charming. Not right now at least. I got the money from the account my dad made so don't worry about me. I know enough now to take care of myself and survive on my own. I only need one thing from you and I wish I didn't have to ask. I've never killed anyone before and I don't know the first thing about cleaning up after myself. You know where the barn is. One day I'll come back to say thank you in person. One day when I can forget about what happened, when it's just a distant memory. I gave Kip another letter for mum which she should be reading soon. Just know that I love every last one of you, to the moon and back and it hurts me to leave you. But not nearly as much as it would hurt to stay. Take care of mum, of each other and please keep an eye out for Emily. I'll come back one day and I expect one hell of a welcome home. I love you. Love, Baby_."


	3. I'm goin' to California, somebody say a prayer for me

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _I'm goin' to California, somebody say a prayer for me_  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family/Horror_  
 **Disclaimer -** _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _5055 words._  
 **Title Song -**   _Going To California - Pink_

**A/n -** _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

_**~Six years later~** _

" _Worked hard all my life lord, no help from my friends. So, oh lord, won't you buy me a Mercedez Benz_?"

The music crackled as the deep purple, Harley Night Train rolled over the state line. Janis Joplin cut out as the bike passed out of Nevada and into California, the rider pulling her phone from her pocket to start the playlist again, her out of date phone ever the pain in the neck. The headphone wire pulled a little as she replaced the cell into her pocket as Joni Mitchell began. A Case Of You. She smiled, thumbing up the volume despite it being right in her ear, closing her eyes for just a brief second. The road was empty and she knew this bike like the back of her hand. What harm would it do? She loved the song, loved the open road and was loving her freedom.

" _Just before our love got lost you said, 'I am as constant as a northern star' and I said, 'constantly in the darkness. Where's that at? If you want me I'll be in the bar._ '" Her voice was soft, gentle, unheard beneath the rumble of the bike and the cover of her helmet. She smiled to herself, wondering how long it would be before she could see roads she remembered.

She drove until she found a gas station, filling up and heading inside to grab a bag of chips. She couldn't remember the last hot meal she had. Whilst she waited in the queue to pay, she eyed the cashier who didn't look to be any older than her.

"Hey, are you Charming local?" She asked.

"Yeah, you looking for somewhere specific? We have maps."

"No, no. I haven't been here in a long time, I was just wondering what's big on the Charming news front."

"Oh. Not much really." The blonde shrugged as she eyed the woman in front of her. "The Sons keep most of the trouble out of town. Aside from the explosions."

"Explosions?"

"Yeah. Some old barn blew up. One of the Sons was in here at the time and he seemed kinda concerned about it. And then a few days later there was another one, some warehouse I think." The girl acted as though this was no big deal.

"Which son was in here?"

"Jax." The smile on her lips said everything. Jax still had the charm then.

Once she had paid, she quickly ate her chips by her bike before she was back astride it, Johnny Cash in her ears this time. She idly wondered if she should switch to a different playlist, since she'd been on her 'J' one for the past three days. She was in some serious need of the 'B' list. Bad Company, Bon Jovi, B-52's, Bad Seeds... Ah, forget it. Johnny Cash was too damn good to skip over.

* * *

It was getting late when she finally pulled up outside of St Thomas. She walked slowly through the halls, the long days of travelling starting to catch up with her. She shouldered her backpack as she gestured to a nurse to stop.

"I'm looking for my nephew that's just been born and I got a little turned around. Could you tell me where I'm supposed to be going?"

"Sure. If you go straight to the end of this hall and take a left and then follow the blue signs to the maternity ward. The nurses on reception can direct you from there."

She gave her thanks and continued on, ready to ask at reception, only to spot an old familiar face that she hadn't expected. At least not in that uniform.

"Tara?" She frowned. "What are you doing working?"

"Beth?" Tara was shocked, it was obvious as she looked her up and down. "I, uh, work here. What are you doing here?"

"I heard that I had a nephew on the way. Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Oh." Tara's face fell for a moment before she shook whatever bothered her off. "I'm not the mother."

"Oh." That was the last thing Beth expected. "Sorry."

"It's alright. Come on, I'll take you through. Jax and Gemma are already in there. Do they know you're back?"

"Not yet."

Tara walked beside the newly grown Beth, glancing at her when she could do so discreetly. The last time Tara had seen her she was young and had an air of innocence around her. Now, there was something else. Something harder, more guarded. She didn't need to ask her any questions to see that. She was, however, pleased to see that Beth had kept some of her girlish nature when it came to appearance.

Her hair, reaching just past her shoulders, had been dyed a bubblegum pink in stark contrast to it's natural dark brunette she used to sport. She had a nose ring and a bunch of different earrings in each ear. She was wearing a black bomber jacket with a black crop top beneath, a plaid pink skirt with fishnets under knee high black socks and black chunky doc martens. On any other person Tara would've said 'attention seeker' but on Beth Teller? She knew it was just what she liked and that was all there was too it.

"You look different." She noted. "More grown up."

"Six years will do that to a girl." Beth smiled as they stopped outside of a room. Looking through the window she could see her mom and her older brother, looking down at a little baby in an incubator. "Why is he in there?"

"Congenital heart defect and gastroschisis, a tear in his abdomen."

"He got the family curse too." Beth subconsciously pressed a hand against her chest, feeling her own heart beat. "Is he gonna be ok?"

"The doctor is going to do what he can." Tara smiled reassuringly. "I'll leave you to your reunion."

Once Tara left, Beth just watched for a little longer, wondering if she had done the right thing by coming back. So far, she had been focused on getting here and she knew that seeing everyone again would keep her distracted for a while. But once that was over, if those memories crept back in, she wasn't sure she would be strong enough to stay.

With a deep breath she knocked on the window, smiling and waving when Gemma and Jax turned around. Their jaws dropped and she took it as he cue to enter the room.

"Holy shit!"

"Long time no see, bro." Baby grinned at Jax as he lunged forward and pulled her into a tight hug. He held her for a few long minutes but she made no attempt to push him away. "Hey, mum." She said over his shoulder, chuckling when he pulled away so she could hug her.

"You're back." Gemma was astonished, not knowing what to say.

"I heard on the grapevine that I got a nephew. If you think I wasn't gonna come visit him then you don't know me at all." She slipped between the two to look down at the tiny little thing, Samcro hat already on his head. "He's so small."

"You were about the same size when you were born." Gemma wrapped her arm around her daughters waist, unable to take her eyes from her. "Jax was a big baby."

"Always has been." Beth teased but Jax didn't even have a comeback. He was too overwhelmed with seeing his son and his baby sister in the same night. Beth looked up and saw his teary eyes. "See what I mean?"

* * *

She spent the night at Jax's place after spending the evening catching up with him and Gemma. She insisted it would be the only night on his sofa since she was a grown woman now and didn't need to stay with family. She said she'd take a spare room in the back of the clubhouse, so long as Tig wasn't screwing a crow eater in it.

The Teller's had sat and talked over Abel's incubator for hours until they were eventually asked to leave. She hadn't told them much about where she'd been or what she'd been doing, instead getting caught up on her families lives that she'd missed out on.

She learned that Juice was now a full patch and Kip, or Half Sack as he'd been dubbed, was now prospecting. Tara had left and broke Jax's heart but he married Wendy the crow eater who was now the mother of his child, although her overdose was part of the reason Abel was in that container. Beth felt her heart drop at that. She had known Wendy before she left, saw her hanging around the clubhouse numerous times. Beth liked her, she was fun even if she was a junkie. And she had to admit, she was kinda glad that Tara was out of the picture, Beth had always thought she was a little too stuck up for Charming.

Opie had done five years because Hobart left him behind after a fire. Donna was left with the kids and now that he was out, she was pushing him to stay out of club business. Beth knew that wouldn't last long. Once your in the MC, it's your life. Only way out is being forced out, like she assumed Hobart had been, or death.

When she awoke in the morning, Jax and Clay were smiling down at her. She grumbled something about them both being creepy before climbing to her feet to hug her step dad. She begrudgingly drank a black coffee due to Jax's lack of tea before taking a quick shower and getting dressed.

"What do you say we go surprise the boys?" Clay smirked when she reappeared.

"And how are we gonna do that?"

"Not that your sudden reappearance isn't surprise enough, but let's get them all together for this, huh?"

He called all of the boys to Church, telling them he'd be there asap as there was urgent club business to attend to. The three of them rode in together, Jax giving her bike his seal of approval with a smile and a nod. The boys were already inside when they arrived and so Beth stayed hidden just outside of the door. She could hear Clay talking, making it sound like something grave had happened before he asked Chibs to open the door.

"Hey, dad." She grinned.

"Wha' the fuck is going on?" Chibs shouted, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "When did ye' get back darlin'?" His hug was just as tight as she expected, his voice suddenly unheard over the rabble of the others as they realized who was outside the doors.

She was passed around between them, getting hugs and sloppy wet kisses on the cheek from everyone, until eventually she managed to slip into Opie's vacant seat. She looked around at them all, saw their smiles and eager eyes, feeling a contentedness rise up in her chest.

"I can't believe you're back. Look at you, your so grown." Piney broke the silence, at last.

"Yeah." Beth smiled warmly. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Six god damn years and you just turn up like it's no big thing." Bobby was laughing as he held his head that was pounding from the hangover induced headache. She realized they must have all had a pretty good night last night.

"I always did like to make an entrance. And what better time to turn up than when Jax's is seeing his son?"

"I for one wish you'd come by here last night." Tig spoke up, surprisingly chipper for how tired he looked.

"And why is that Trager?"

"You could've got to see me win the fight." He grinned the wide toothy grin he always had only for Happy to shoot up from his seat with a frown.

"You did not win."

"Of course I did, I'm me."

"Actually I split you both up." Chibs cut the argument short. "Good to have you back, darlin'. What have you been doing all these years?"

"Travelling around, working odd jobs here and there." She shrugged, leaning back in her seat.

"That's it?" Tig scoffed. "Six years away and that's your catch up?"

"Just being honest. It was a boring six years without you lot causing trouble."

Tig watched her for a second, she knew he didn't believe her, she doubted any of them did, but thankfully no one pushed her for the truth. It wasn't that she wanted to lie to them or had anything to be ashamed of, it was just that she wasn't sure how they'd react to it. She had yet to even take off her jacket lest she be scolded for the new body art that adorned her skin. Luckily there was one topic that she could almost tell the truth with.

"So little Baby Teller ended up a biker even without our input." Clay smirked. "Piney called that when you were eight years old."

"My night train? She's a beauty isn't she?" Beth beamed at him. "The purple paint was a custom mix too, by a friend up in Vegas."

"Vegas?"

"Spent alot of time there. Cool place... I walked everywhere for a long time, or got a cab but then I made friends with this woman who was into bikes and she took me to a car and bikes show. I saw this blue Night Train and fell in love but the blue just wasn't really me. So I got it painted."

"Surprised it isn't pink." Piney leaned to tug at the ends of her hair with a soft smile. "Are you back for good?" The question brought a sudden silence as they waited to hear her answer, all hoping for the same thing.

"Not sure yet." She sighed. "I'm back for now though. Figured I'll just play it by ear, see how I feel. You know?"

"You wait till you get to hold your wee nephew, you'll fall in love and you'll never leave again." Chibs laughed. "You know I'm right."

"If he's got the same charm his dad seems to have then you're probably right."

* * *

Luckily Tig spent that night at his own home and so Beth didn't have to worry about a half naked crow eater in any of the spare rooms. The room she chose was small, Samcro reapers hanging from the wall and decorated with plenty of wooden furniture but when she collapsed onto the bed, idly toeing off her boots, she knew she was home.

When she awoke in the morning she decided to take her time getting dressed. She only had a handful of clothes in the bag she'd brought with her, everything else was still in storage up in Vegas. She wore some loose fitting, torn up jeans with pink converse and a baby blue sweater with purple around the collar and sleeves. She did her hair and make up just as she always did before deciding she felt cute enough to head out of the room.

When she did she found Clay handing out stacks of money to each of the boys and shook her head, stopping in the kitchen to find a package of teabags with a note that just read ' _Baby, x_ ' She recognized Chibs' handwriting and made herself a cup before going out to sit with them all. Bobby handed her a muffin and she gratefully took it, picking chunks off to eat.

She sat around and watched them all individually, noting little changes in each one and how different she felt around them now. Before she had always felt like a child, just a little too young to understand their jokes or join in their conversations but she was 22 years old now. She got the crude humor and understood club politics. She was a woman and she hoped that they would treat her as such. She sat sideways in an armchair, draping her legs over the side as she sipped her tea.

Jax's hair was longer but it suited him and she had no doubt that it was probably cause some chick said she liked long hair on a man. She smirked to herself, moving her gaze along only to find Tig's blue hues already settled on her. It seemed he was making his own notes about her changes as he looked her up and down and bizarrely, Beth didn't mind the attention. Now she wasn't new to her attraction to older people but Tig? She had always known him as her parents friend or brothers friend. But the way he was raking his eyes over her...

She shook her head, deciding two could play at that game. He'd cut his hair again, leaving the curls close to his head. She had always loved his hair, remembered when she used to curl her little fingers into it when she was bored around the clubhouse. His eyes were that same vivid blue, same soul piercing stare that she was used to. Almost everything else about him was as she remembered. Same rings, tattoos, cut... She blanched for a second, peering at his forearm in confusion. When she got a better look at it she sighed in relief.

"Something wrong, doll?" He asked, having noticed the look on her face.

"I saw your tattoo wrong. It's a woman on a dagger, I thought it was just a dagger."

"Would that be a problem?"

"We'd be matching."

"You got inked?" Jax raised his eyebrows at his sister as she sighed and nodded her head. "How many?"

"Altogether, uh, like six." That was a lie. She had seven but she wasn't going to show them the last one she got.

"Show us." Happy's attention had been caught, recalling the times when he would teach her about the art of tattooing.

She started by rolling up her left sleeve, revealing an old school tattoo of a dagger with small flowers peeking out from behind the blade, the tip stopping in the centre of her wrist. Tig smiled at that one, running his fingers over the girl on his forearm.

"There was no reason for this one really, I just like traditional work."

She pulled off her jumper, thankful she wore a white tank top beneath, and turned her back on the boys. On the back of her left shoulder there was another traditional style tattoo of a tiara with a scroll that read the word 'princess'.

"Just making sure people know who I am."

The boys shared a laugh as she turned the other way, revealing the floral shoulder cap on her right shoulder. Black and grey shading this time of roses and vines.

"Again, no hidden meaning. I just like roses."

On the back on her neck was a small pink heart, no bigger that her thumb nail.

"My first tattoo. I thought I'd go small in case I hated the pain."

There was a black half moon and star behind her right ear and finally a black ankh on the inside of her right ankle.

"Those two were both tattoos that I got with friends. The moon and stars with my friend Bunny and the ankh with Mel."

"You want anymore you just call me." Happy nodded.

"Oh don't you worry, I plan on getting more."

* * *

Whilst the boys were handling some club business with their blown up warehouse, Beth headed over to Donna and Opie's house, spending the day catching up with them. The kids didn't recognize her, unsurprisingly, Ellie was just a toddler and Kenny was more or less a newborn when Beth left Charming. It was nice to catch up with them both, get to know the kids again, but it was clear to her that Opie was missing the club. It wouldn't be long till he was with them again.

Later in the day she headed back to the clubhouse to hang out with Gemma, offering to help out at this dinner she wanted to do now that she was back in town. Coupled with Abel's birth they had alot to celebrate. She hung around for most of the day, over hearing about Tig's little problem with the dead Mexicans that he'd been getting blow jobs from.

She grew angry at herself when she felt a pang of jealousy at the news. Two random girls that he didn't give a crap about and she was jealous. Jesus Christ she had barely been home a day and she managed to get a crush on a guy who had been around when she was born. It's not like he cared about the Mexicans either, he was planning on getting rid of their bodies to save his own skin. It's not like he's ever cared about anyone, except maybe his first wife that she heard about years ago. She wondered if he had ever cared about anyone else, could care about anyone else. For some people that kinda thing only happens once.

What the hell was she thinking? This is Tig! Her step dad's best fucking friend and here she is daydreaming about him and getting jealous of his dead fuck toys. She needed to get a grip.

She hurriedly jumped on her bike, waving Clay off when he asked her if she was ok, and headed into town to try and find some more clothes. She didn't feel like a 9+ hour trip to her storage locker just yet. Once she'd finished in town it was early evening and so she headed back to St Thomas to see Abel. Tara was there again, coming in the room to see her.

"He's doing good." She smiled. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You know when someone asks if they can ask a question it always puts me on edge. It's never for anything good."

"I was just wondering why you left home. You were so young and it never struck me as a thing that anyone was ok with." Tara didn't miss the sudden tenseness in her shoulders or the way her knuckles turned white with her grip on the incubator.

"It's a long story and it's not a fun one. Some stuff is just better left in the past." Beth brushed it off, focusing instead on Abel's tiny fingers.

"Can I ask you something else? A favor this time."

"Well you are helping keeping my nephew alive so what do you need, doc?"

"Could you talk to Wendy when she wakes up?"

"I don't-"

"She took an overdose last night and she's been screwed up about this whole mess."

"And so she should be. She nearly killed her baby."

"I know. But nobody knows how she was feeling or knew what she was going through... I know you used to like Wendy and I know you're angry at her but I think she could use a friend right now. Someone other than Jax or your mom."

"I'll think about it but don't expect me to be bosom buddies with her."

* * *

Back at the Clubhouse the boys were gearing up for what she'd heard was a protection gig, something to do with Unser's hauling business he ran. Beth was wondering around aimlessly, not really sure what to do with everyone so busy until Tig beckoned her over to the table he was sat atop. She climbed up to sit beside him, glancing across the lot at the others.

"It's not really protection." He murmured, taking a drag of his cigarette.

"What?"

"The gig tonight. It's not protection."

"Don't tell me anything else." Beth held her hands up, unsure why Tig was deciding to share this information with her. She was in the same boat as any other family of the club. Know enough to be safe but not enough to get into shit with the law. "Opie on this gig?"

"Yeah. He's behind on his bills, needs the cash."

Beth sighed. She knew it was only a matter of time. "Just make sure you all stay safe."

Tig smirked, offering the cigarette, happy when she declined. "You worry about ole' Tig whilst he's working?"

"I just wouldn't want to have to patch your dumb ass up." She joked but she couldn't hide the blush on her cheeks and it didn't go unnoticed by Tig. "I'm heading out anyway."

"Where are you going?"

"Just wondering around town. See what's changed... Why, you worry about little ole' Baby when she's not in sight?" She teased right back earning a chuckle from Tig as he climbed down from the table, stepping toe to toe with her. Baby leaned her head back, looking up to the man that towered over her.

"Just making sure you're safe, princess." He moved his head to blow his cloud of smoke away from her face. "See you in the morning."

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me!" Beth leaned back on her stool, trying to get a better read of Chibs face. "So the guy pulls a gun only to get an axe to the head by the shop owner?"

"I'm tellin' you the truth, darlin'. Right in the middle, fell down like a bag o' shite."

"And Jax is alright?"

"Yeah we're all alright. Shop owner might need counselling but we're alive, ain't we?"

Chibs and Beth spent the night talking over a few beers, falling asleep leaning against each other on one of the sofas. When they awoke the following morning, Juice and Halfsack were firing peanuts at them from the bar. Beth gave them the finger as she stood, stretching her arms above her head and arching her back to crack all of her stiff joints. She made to head for the bedroom when Halfsack stopped her.

"Your mom told me to remind you that you offered to help make the dinner for tonight. She gave me this list of things she forgot to pick up at the grocery store yesterday, said you should pick it up on your way over."

"Thanks, Kip." She took the list, giving it a quick scan as she walked down the hall. She saw Tig coming out of his room on the way and offered a small smile. "How'd the run go?"

"All good and safe. No need to worry."

"You going to dinner at mum's tonight?" She leaned against her door as she waited for his answer, rolling her eyes at his smirk.

"I am. You gonna save me a seat?"

"Sure, right in between Clay and Jax." Laughing at the sudden drop of his smirk she headed into her room to shower and try out some of the new clothes she had brought the day previous.

* * *

Beth looked around at the food in the kitchen, Gemma already cutting something up and various other girls helping out where they could. She leaned her hip against the counter, cradling her tea between her hands as she watched the others work until Gemma noticed her.

"Hey, don't think you get to stand there doing nothing. Make yourself useful and check on the potatoes."

"Right." She moved over to the large pot on the stove, lifting the lid and looking down at the vegetables in the water. "Uh... They're still potatoes."

"Are they far from done?" Gemma glanced at her youngest over her shoulders, smirking at the clueless shrug she received. "You can't cook can you?"

"I know how to put frozen stuff in the oven."

"Jesus H Christ. Now you're home, you're gonna learn. No good living off frozen crap and take out."

She began teaching her basic things as they went through the meal. It didn't go unnoticed by either of them that this was something they should of done years ago but neither of them mentioned it. They opted instead to just enjoy them moment. As much as they could whilst Beth's mind kept drifting. She was trying to stay focused but she couldn't help it. Tig had been flirting with her almost non stop since she got back and it was confusing the hell out of her.

"Hey, you know Tig?" She started, side glancing at Gemma. "Has ever been in a decent relationship? You know, apart from his first wife."

"Got yourself a crush, Baby?" Gemma laughed, moving around the kitchen as Beth leaned back against the counter to finish her tea.

"Don't be ridiculous, he's old enough to be my dad. I was just curious that's all."

"Mmhmm." Gemma narrowed her eyes. "You don't fool me, kid."

Beth poked her tongue out as the doorbell rang, jumping up to answer it. The boys all arrived within a few minutes of each other, taking beers from the fridge and talking with the girls that were round. Beth was just fixing herself a mojito, something she was good at making, as everyone else got themselves settled at the table. When she went to sit with them she noticed the only available seat was beside Tig and that Gemma had a smug smile on her face.

With a scowl at her mother she took the seat, smiling at Bobby on the other side of her. Beth knew the only reason Gemma would purposely seat them together is because she either a) thought nothing of Beth's little crush or b) thought that Tig would never act on it. And for most of the dinner, nothing happened. Just alot of laughter and alot of family talk. However, once the plates were empty and more individual conversations broke out, the beers had taken an effect.

Beth felt a sudden weight on her knee and looked down to see Tig's ring adorned fingers resting there. She could feel the heat in her face almost instantly as she looked at him but he was busy in conversation with Piney. Unsure of what to say, Beth decided to just ignore it and continue talking to Jax. She didn't see the satisfied smirk that graced Tig's face when she didn't push him away but she did feel the hand move later in the evening to the small of her back, the thumb drawing small circles and sending shivers up her spine.

Gemma thought it was just a little crush, a little bit of Beth getting overwhelmed with her sudden return. Beth shifted closer to Tig in her seat, ignoring her mum's giggle. Gemma had never been more wrong.

* * *

 **A/n -**   _Don't worry guys, you will find out what Baby was really up to these past six years and no, she hasn't just forgotten all that happened to her either. Her bad memories and how she'll deal with them will play a part in her story now she's home. Thanks for reading and please leave a review if you can. Thanks! xx_


	4. Therapy, you were never a friend to me

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _Therapy, you were never a friend to me_  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family/Horror_  
 **Disclaimer -** _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _5189 words._  
 **Title Song -**   _Therapy by All Time Low_

**A/n -** _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

"So as you can see it's a cosy little one bed, one bath with a gorgeous view and-"

"Damp."

Beth looked from the realtor to her mom who had pushed aside a picture hanging on the wall. Behind it was the obvious signs of damp, darkening the wallpaper. She turned back to the realtor who grinned sheepishly.

"We have some other properties if you'd like to book another appointment."

"Why? So you can show us some other poky shit hole for my kid to live in?" Gemma stepped closer and the realtor visibly shrank backward. "We're not paying you for this shit."

They left after that, Beth sighing as she climbed back into Gemma's car. She placed her feet on the dashboard as she stared gloomily out of the window.

"Don't you worry, I've got a plan."

"Is your plan to have me come live at home again? Because next time I get another realtor you aren't coming to the viewings with me."

"Actually, smart ass, I'm taking you to a viewing right now. Now get your damn feet off my dash."

* * *

Gemma's plan was only about a half hour drive from the garage. Beth had only been looking at apartments, insisting that she was living alone and didn't need anything too big. But Gemma was pushing her to look at a house. It seemed that the elder Teller had come to a compromise all of her own. A single story building with a small garage at the side.

"You always have to find a way to get your way, huh?" Baby smirked, climbing out of the car.

"I'm good at it." Gemma winked as they walked to the house.

"Who's selling?"

"One of Piney's old flames passed on."

"I'm not living in some dead ladies house! What if she comes back?" Baby stopped walking at the end of the drive, staring up into the windows for signs of any specter.

"One, there's no such thing as ghosts. Two, she died of a heart attack at the casino where she spent almost every damn day. The house is fine. And it's clean, cheap, and only needs a few bits of furniture, everything else is already there."

"Old lady furniture? What is it? Beige and floral, looking like a 70's holiday home?"

"Piney has better taste than that."

Gemma was smirking as she pushed open the door, Baby following close behind. The hall was a plain cream color, leading Baby into thinking she was right, until she entered the living room. The walls were a grey with the far wall being left as open brick. The sofas were wine red with cushions big enough that Baby knew she wouldn't be able to touch the floor if she sat right back on them. The kitchen come dining room was a deep blue with a large oak table on one side and bright yellow 50's style kitchen. The bedroom was the only empty room, void of any color at all.

"I had Halfsack come and strip this room. I knew you'd want to make it yours."

"Who said I want this place?" Baby placed her hands on her hips, mirroring the action she had learnt from her mother.

"A vintage kitchen, open brick fireplace and a garage for your bike?" Gemma shook her head with a laugh. "Who are you kidding? This is your dream place."

"Yeah, I know but us Teller women have gotta be stubborn, right?"

"It's what were good at."

* * *

Given that the rest of the house was such a mismatch of tastes, Beth decided to put her own touch in the bedroom. She painted the feature wall a baby pink and left the others in cream. She got herself a large king sized bed with a tall white wooden headboard and got the vanity, dresser and wardrobe to match. Gemma got her some pink and white bedding as a little gift and so all she needed to do now, was make the long trip back to Vegas to pick up everything from storage.

It was a big commitment to make so soon, knowing in her heart that she still hadn't decided if she wanted to be back here for good. The past few weeks at home had been great but there was still that niggling of old buried memories in the back of her mind that had stopped her from confirming her permanent homecoming. But she decided that even if she did decide to hit the road again, her belongings would be much safer here in Charming with her family.

Being that she was back with her protective family, they insisted that she not travel alone to get her things. She took Halfsack in the truck, insisting that the rest of the boys needed to be around for the club. Travelling to Vegas could take anywhere between six and nine hours, depending on the traffic. That was a long time to be away for the boys for something that didn't concern the club and so she decided Halfsack could help. Besides it'd been a while since she'd hung out with Kip.

The whole way there they caught up on old times, Kip told her how he'd finally got the courage to ask to prospect, she asked how things with the club were going and if they had had any serious trouble. And as he had so many years ago, he said that she'd make a good prospect, if the club weren't made of only men.

Her storage unit wasn't crammed full but it was enough to almost fill the van. Halfsack commented on how it wasn't alot to show for six years and she had to laugh and brush it off. She still wasn't sure how to tell the truth about her life and where she'd been. Instead she shrugged and said she wasn't into clutter. Some of the boxes were clothes, shoes, body and beauty supplies. The rest were things she'd collected along the way, things she couldn't bear to part with. And there was another bike. An old, half rusted, beaten Indian that had definitely seen better days. Halfsack winced at the state of it.

"It was my first bike, I got it second hand from a scrap yard. It barely ran but it got me around until I had enough for the Night Train."

"Why not just get rid of it?"

"My first bike, Kip. It's my baby, I can't throw away my baby!"

Kip laughed as they just barely managed to squeeze it down the side of her stacked boxes. They decided to drive on through the night, taking it in turns behind the wheel, so that they made it home in the early hours. When they eventually arrived back Kip offered to help her unpack but she let him leave. She wasn't planning on doing it just yet anyway.

There was some kind of funfair in town and everyone was heading down that way. She slept for a little while before getting up to shower and dress for the day. Now she had all of her clothes and make up she could dress up a little for the occasion. She settled on a loose fitted, dusty rose, shift dress with a denim jacket and white converse trainers. She curled her hair lightly and found out her round tinted sunglasses and white mini backpack. Smiling at her reflection she headed out to meet with her family, excited at the prospect of getting some cotton candy.

* * *

It seemed that the whole of Charming was at the funfair that day. Kids were running around, young couples were trying to win each other prizes on the various games... It was nice to have a normal day like this every once in a while when your usual norm was biker gangs and gang wars. Beth walked in with Gemma and Clay but broke off to buy a drink and some cotton candy. When she returned she nudged Tig with her elbow, gesturing to the photo booth.

"Come take pictures with me."

"Only if I get an extra special picture to put in my wallet."

Tig's smirk told Beth exactly what the 'special' part of the picture should be and so she shoved the taller man away, nudging Chibs instead who happily followed her in. As she turned back she saw Tig's pout and poked her tongue out at him with a giggle. They took a bunch of pictures together, jumping out to grab the strip. Beth didn't notice Chibs pretend to pull up his zipper and wink at Tig who he knew had the hots for her. Still pouting, Tig marched over and pulled Beth back into the photo booth, acting as though he had merely been teasing earlier.

He still hadn't stopped with his flirting over the few weeks she'd been home and she still wasn't sure she minded all that much. Ok, so he was older and he was Jax and Clay's friend but he was damn handsome, funny as hell and from what she'd heard from crow eaters, he was good in bed too. Not that she'd jump into the sack with him yet. Knowing that he got a kick out of teasing her with some of the things he said, Beth decided it'd be a good idea to turn the tables on him. Whilst he was smiling for a picture she turned her head to the side and planted a kiss on his cheek, snorting when she saw the look on his face. A few more pictures of silly faces and sharing the cotton candy and they were done.

She stepped out of the booth and grabbed the strip of photos, smiling at each one as Tig looked over her shoulder. She gave him a quick wink before heading over to Jax and begging him to win her a stuffed toy at the shooting game.

Once she had a a huge white bear holding a red heart that was almost the same size as her torso, she walked beside her brother, arm linked in his. A guy dressed as a clown on the dunking machine started making dumb ass comments and so the boys went to have their fun with him. Rolling her eyes with a giggle Beth headed off to find her mom and get some pictures together. She still had the old camera that Tig had got her for her 16th birthday but she had upgraded since then. She had many a stack of photos in her boxes at home.

She overheard Chibs mention something about the Irish to Clay as she walked off with Gemma. She thought about the club and their business whilst they took their pictures, her brain travelling distances without her even meaning to. Once they'd finished in the booth they went to grab another drink and take a seat for five.

"Hey, mom? You think the boys would ever let me help out with the club?" She asked, sipping on her lemonade.

"We're the women, sweetheart. It's not our job to get involved."

"I know, I just mean that if they needed help and I offered... Think they'd let me?"

"With Jax as VP? Not a chance."

* * *

Gemma and Beth stayed at the funfair all day, riding on the ferris wheel as the sun started to set to enjoy the view and some long overdue mother-daughter time. When they got back on the ground they could see Elliott Oswald and his wife, rushing all over the place and calling out for their daughter. When they found out that young Tristen was missing, both Teller women decided to split up and try to look for her.

They looked all night and found no sign, even with the eventual help of Unser and Hale. Beth's heart had been racing since Elliott first said she was missing. It was an all too familiar tale and when they were forced to head home for the night, she just hoped Tristen's night hadn't gone like hers had.

She didn't get any sleep and was the first one to arrive at the garage. Gemma had given her a spare set of keys, giving her a job helping out around the office now she was back in town. She made herself a tea and started to organize things, sorting through papers and files, just generally tidying since Gemma was almost always on top of everything anyway.

Clay and Gemma arrived just before opening, shocked to see her there. She had never been an early riser as a teenager. Gemma knew why she was there, knew she probably hadn't slept much, if at all. She wanted to talk to her about it, reassure her that she was fine but she didn't want to be the one to force her into long forgotten memories.

Instead she tried to distract her with work, pulling her into helping tidy around the clubhouse. It was whilst she was doing this that Elliott Oswald arrived to talk to Clay and ask for his help. Clay agreed to help, not asking for a payment. Elliott knew why though. The whole town had heard about Beth Teller's rape and he knew this was Clay's way of getting out the rage he'd had stored up over the years for the defiling of his step daughter.

When the boys came into Church, Gemma and Beth were still tidying around the kitchen area. Jax asked Gemma to keep Beth busy, away from where she could overhear what was being said inside that room. He told the boys straight, Beth was not to know about this. They just got her to come home, finding out about this now could push her away. The boys all agreed, no one wanted her to run again.

Unfortunately, Charming was a small town and people there liked to gossip. Beth had headed out to pick up some bleach and overheard two women talking about the incident in the grocery store. Apparently Oswald and the cops were trying to keep it on the down low, but news travels fast in Charming.

As soon as she heard the word 'rape' Beth could feel her body go numb. She placed the two bottles of bleach back on the shelf and headed back outside, to her mom's car that she'd borrowed to carry her purchases. Climbing inside she took off and headed back to the clubhouse, going inside to find the boys spilling out of chapel.

"Did you hear?" She asked, looking Clay dead in the eye. Gemma watched her from the other side of the bar. "Tristen Oswald was raped last night."

"Shit." Jax ran his fingers through his hair, stepping forward to reach for her but she moved back.

"Find him." She addressed Clay again. "Find the bastard and kill him. Or I will."

She left again, on her bike this time. She rode around town for a couple of hours, heading back to the clubhouse in the late afternoon. She climbed up onto one of the tables and pulled out a cigarette she'd brought on her travels only to groan when she realized she'd forgot to get a lighter.

"Didnae realize you smoked." Chibs appeared from behind her, moving forward to light her cigarette.

"I don't usually. Haven't for a couple of years but sometimes I need one."

"Aye, I know what ye mean." He sat beside her, lighting up his own smoke. "Ye've gone quiet again, lass. Like you did last time."

"Just been doing alot of thinking that's all." She shrugged. "It was hard coming back here. I only really came to meet Abel. I didn't know if I was going to stay or not... I wanted to but I got some shitty memories of this place that I've never been able to forget. I was managing alright but this shit with Oswald just dug it all back up. I know what that kids going through. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

"Aye." Chibs nodded solemnly. "Just don't disappear on us again, ey? I get it, if ye need to leave but give us a heads up first, alright?"

"I'll do what I can."

"Thing is though, darlin'... The boys wanted me to ask ye for a favor." Chibs looked sheepish all of a sudden. It wasn't a look that Beth had ever seen on him.

"Normally I'd say of course but your making me worry."

"Only one who might know who this bastard is, is Tristen." He sighed, flicking the ash of his cigarette onto the ground. "Figured that some guy in leather isn't gonna make her want ta talk. But someone who knows how she feels..."

"Ah Christ, Chibs." Beth stepped down from the table, stomping out her smoke as she began to pace back and forth in front of him. "I don't know if I can do that. It's been years since I buried this shit."

"I know, darlin' and I wish I didnae have ta ask... Look, none of us are gonna force you into this but think about it, alright? It might do her some good to hear from someone who's been through this."

* * *

Beth headed to the hospital almost immediately after her conversation with Chibs. She figured doing it straight away was the best bet before she could change her mind. However, when she walked down the white halls and neared the corridor that she knew Tristen would be in, her stomach began to churn and her cheeks water. She darted into the nearest bathroom, just barely making it to a toilet before she emptied out her stomach. The images in her mind were all too vivid to handle.

She remembered being carried in, in Opie's arms. She remembered the panicked voices coupled with those of the calm nurses doing what needed to be done. She remembered trying to fight off the hands on her body, not believing the promises that they were there to help. She remembered everything.

Instead of going to see Tristen, she found herself wondering down another hall, into a room she didn't think she enter. Wendy looked just as shocked to see her standing there in the doorway.

"Baby? When did you get back?"

"Couple weeks ago. Heard I had a nephew so I came home." She took a seat in one of the chairs by her bed, fiddling with one of the rings on her fingers. "I'm finding it very hard to want to be your friend right now."

"I know. I don't blame you for hating me, lord knows your mother does." Wendy sighed. "I hate me too. I nearly killed my own son."

"Thing is I don't hate you." Beth sighed and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, taking one of Wendy's hands in hers. "I'm pissed at you. Like beyond pissed but I just don't get why you didn't talk to someone. Why didn't you call Jax?"

"We were getting divorced, Baby. We were over, I didn't think he'd give a shit."

"Married, divorced, friends with benefits... It doesn't matter what you were, you were carrying his son and doping yourself up at the same damn time."

"I'm sorry."

"How many times have you said that since he was born?"

"I've lost count."

Beth moved back to the chair, but shuffled closer to keep hold of her hand. "You know what pisses me off more than anything is that you knew you were pregnant, knew what it could do and yet you still did it. You still made a choice that put Abel's life in danger." She was squeezing her hand, probably hurting her but she didn't give a shit in that moment. "Some women can't have kids and here you are fucking up the chances that some of us would kill to have."

"Beth... I'm sorry." Wendy whimpered. "Jax told me what happened." Beth dropped her hand, eyes widening. "He told me when you left town, he was a mess... I'm so sorry. You're right. People would kill to have kids and I almost fucked mine up."

"Stop it." Beth stood abruptly, staring down at her and forcing back her own tears. "You don't get to play the pity party parade ok? I'm not your friend but I'm not your enemy either. You ever want a shot of seeing your kid, you have got to get clear of this shit. Cause so help me, if I ever find out you're still using, I will make sure that kid never heard the name Wendy in his life."

* * *

When she finally made to leave the hospital, she saw Gemma talking to Jax in the hall and headed over to see what was happening. She just managed to hear Gemma mention that one of the carny guys was the rapist. Just as Jax made to leave Beth fell into step beside him.

"What are you doing?" He frowned.

"Coming with you."

"Not a chance, Baby. Go home."

"Jax, I went to go talk to her and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I have to see this guy get taken down ok. I have to." She couldn't start describing her deep need to see him die, to see the life leave his eyes. She knew Jax would freak out, but he could at least understand her need to be there when justice was brought to him.

"Dammit. You stay at the back of us and you only fight if you absolutely have to. You remember what Happy taught you?"

"And then some."

* * *

"The hell is she doing here?" Clay demanded when he saw Jax and Baby coming up to meet the boys.

"You try telling her to leave. She takes after Gemma when it comes to being difficult."

"I'm here to make sure you nail the bastard. No more no less. And I already promised I'd stay out of it unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Good. Stay behind us."

Beth saluted him, following behind the rest of the group as they headed into the carnival area. She didn't know which man exactly they were looking for and so she waited for the boys to give any sort of indication.

"Hear you guys are harboring a fugitive."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"Citizen's arrest."

The fighting happened quick and fast, breaking out all around her. She tried to do as her brother had asked and stay out of it but there was a carny walking straight towards her who didn't look like the kind of guy who refused to hit girls. She braced herself, waiting for him to take the first swing, blocking his hit easily, given she was a good foot shorter than him, and aiming her fist into his gut. He hadn't been expecting her to hit back and so his breath was forced out of him, making it easy for her to get more punches in and take him down.

She looked around, seeing Tig out numbered as he was on top of one man, with another pulling at his cut from behind. She shoved the second man, acting fast to aim a kick to his ribs and knock him on his ass where Tig quickly finished him. He laughed loudly as he looked over at her, panting as she clocked another guy in the jaw.

"That's my girl."

She turned back to him just in time to see him bite the ear from the man on the floor, coming back up with blood running from his mouth as he spat the body part out. She shook her head with a partially horrified laugh.

"Tiggy, you're a fuckin' weirdo." She chuckled, breathless, reaching down to pull him to his feet.

Soon enough, the boys had the scumbag that raped Tristen and took him down to a secluded woods whilst they waited for Oswald. Beth couldn't stand still, hoping from one foot to the other and fiddling with the ends of her sleeves as she stared at the bastard. She had to look away from time to time when his face seemed to twist into that of Roy Bishop. Tig and Chibs were either side of her, looking between her and each other with concerned expressions. When Elliott backed out, as she knew he would, she stepped forward and lightly touched Clay's arm to catch his attention.

"I can do it." She nodded at the tool Oswald had brought with him. "Let me do it."

"No." Jax moved in front of her, eyes wide as he stared her down. "Once was enough."

Clay gestured for her to move away and she reluctantly did. She knew she was already on thin ice being here during club business. Clay took care of it, cutting the balls off the bastard and leaving him to bleed out. It was just the way she had done it, only a little quicker. Tig and Chibs watched the soft smile break out on her face when the man fell onto his back but neither of them could mirror it. They were both wondering if she had ever really dealt with what happened to her or if she had just stored up all of that negative shit. With a discreet nod, Chibs pulled her off to the side, letting Jax know he'd take her home since she had arrived with her brother. Once they were away from the other, Chibs turned to her with a serious expression.

"You need ta talk about this." He said firmly, holding onto her shoulders so she couldn't brush him off. "Darlin' you can't keep this shite to yourself forever. It's gonna eat you up from the inside out and destroy you. I've seen it happen to good men who couldn't let go of the past. I am not gonna stand by and watch it happen to you, kid."

"I know." She nodded, looking down at her feet. "That's why I want you to take me to Saint Thomas."

* * *

Walking through the white halls this time felt different. Somehow, getting at the man who hurt Tristen cemented into her head that he was gone and Tristen would be safe for now. She focused on that as she moved slowly through the corridor and eventually knocked on the door to her room. Tristen's mother came out of the room, surprised to see her.

"I was wondering if I could talk to your daughter, Mrs Oswald."

"Well, I... I'm not sure. She's been through alot and-"

"I know what she's been through." Beth sighed. "Mrs Oswald, I don't know if you ever heard but when I was sixteen years old I was raped and left for dead in the woods off the highway. If it's ok with you I'd like to talk to Tristen, survivor to survivor. Maybe if she sees that I'm ok and that I came out the other side, it might help her."

Mrs Oswald seemed unsure but ultimately decided to let the girls talk. Beth was quiet when she went in, her mouth suddenly feeling dry and scratchy. She took a seat at the foot of the bed, looking at the damage that had been done to the young girl.

"Are you here to ask me more questions?"

"No sweetheart." She smiled at the pink cell phone in her hand. Something she would've loved at her age. "I want you to ask the questions. Any that you want. I was raped too. When I was only a little bit older than you."

"Really?" Tristen sat up a little straighter. "How... How long did it take you to get over it?" Her voice was quiet, almost as if she didn't really dare to ask. Beth paused, thinking carefully about her answers. She could lie to the girl, make her feel better. Or she could tell her the truth, brutal as it may be.

"I didn't." She smiled, her eyes tearful. "It's been six years and I've never been able to get over it. I've grown up, moved on and learnt how to push it down. But the memories are still there and they always will be."

"Oh." Tristen's face fell. "Does everyone know?"

"Not yet, your parents have been hiding it pretty well so far. But Charming is small and people will find out." Tristen hung her head, clearly not wanting to ask anything else. "Listen to me, darling. What happened to you was horrific and no amount of therapy will truly get rid of that. You're gonna struggle, it'll hurt and you'll have nightmares. People will talk about you and gossip and make comments that are going to kill you inside. You may even get to a point where you don't want to be alive anymore, you just want everything to stop. And you might try to make things stop. But you can't let it get to that."

"Did it get to that for you?"

"Almost." She sniffed, forcing her tears to stay behind her eyes. "But I found good people. People who helped me see that despite what had happened to me, my life could still be good. Could still be worth something. I left Charming after what happened to me because I was so scared of my memories that I had to run away. I left everyone behind, my family, my friends... Everything I'd ever cared about. I can't say for certain that things would've been better if I stayed with my family but I can tell you how badly I missed them whilst I was gone. I can tell you how many times I drove to the state line and wanted nothing more that to cross over into California and come home where I knew I belonged."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was weak. I'd remember what happened and how that felt and I'd get scared and turn around." Beth took a deep breath as she thought back over the last few years. "And then bad things happened and it took a while to get through it, but when I did, I heard about my nephew being born. And all I could think about was, 'what if something bad happens to him?' All I could think about was how I wanted to be there to help protect this child from all the horrors of this world."

"Family made you come home."

"Family is everything to me. Family is the reason I'm still alive, even if I wasn't with them... I'm not going to tell you how to deal with this but family is what helps. Family is what will always be there, no matter what you choose or where you go or what mistakes you make. Family is always there."

Beth took a shuddering breath and stood from the bed. She hadn't planned for her talk to end like that but it had felt good to get some things off her chest, to give the girl the honest truth that she would never get from anyone else. With a last smile she reached for the door, only stopping when Tristen called to her.

"Do you still get scared now you're home?"

Again, Beth decided to answer honestly. "Sometimes."


	5. Cause it was the heaviest rain I ever felt on my skin, ot was the heaviest place that I have ever been in...

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _Cause it was the heaviest rain I ever felt on my skin, ot was the heaviest place that I have ever been in..._  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family/Horror_  
 **Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _4963 words._

 **Title Song -**   _Hell And Back by Tonight Alive_

 **A/n -**   _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

After the whole incident with Tristen, Beth took some time to really think about whether or not coming home was a good idea. She left for a few days to clear any distractions from her mind so she wouldn't be influenced by anyone else. She did a little bit of digging around town and found out that her old best friend, Emily, had moved to Anaheim and so she headed down to visit. She managed to find a phone number for her from her parents and give her a quick phone call to make sure she was welcome, which she was happy to know she was.

Emily had grown up beautiful. She was tall, leggy, blonde with a great figure. So much so that Beth couldn't help but feel a little pang of jealousy when she came out to greet her. Beth climbed from her bike, rushing over to envelop the taller girl in a tight hug, startling when she heard a quiet voice call 'mommy' from somewhere inside the house.

"No way!" Beth's jaw went slack. "You had a kid?"

"Twins actually. Just turned four."

"Holy sh-"

"Did I not just say I have two kids?" Emily smirked and Beth laughed, following her inside.

Over a mug of hot chocolate the two girls watched the kids play as they caught up on the last six years. It turned out that around a year after Beth left, Emily met a senior called Max and they fell head over heels for each other. They spent all their time together and when Emily turned nineteen, she found out she was pregnant. Her parents were pissed since they thought it was too young for her to have kids and that Max would probably take off, but Max's parents raised him better. He proposed to her and they started planning their wedding for a year after their due date, to give them plenty of time.

The twins, Belle and Ariel, apparently Max enabled Emily's Disney obsession, were born and they married just under a year later. The whole time during they saved up as much as they could to rent a small apartment in Charming and then when Emily was able to go back to work, they saved again and headed down to Anaheim where Max's brother ran his own marketing business so Max could work for him.

It was bittersweet for Beth to hear all about her friends life. Part of her, the part that was still stuck at sixteen years old, was jealous. She had always wanted a normal life, with a nice guy, 2.5 kids and a good house. She couldn't have all of that now. But the other part of her, the part that had spent her late teens in Vegas, didn't want that anymore. She could no longer see her life being that 'white picket fence' version of normal. Her normal was different, chaotic to most people but she had become accustomed to it.

Emily asked her about her life and her travels and again, Beth brushed her off with vague lies. Emily could see the topic wasn't a comfortable one and so switched to the future. She asked if she was staying if Charming and when Beth confessed she still was undecided she advised her to think about how much it would hurt to leave now she'd had a taste of what being back was like. She didn't push her though and asked her about her personal life, what she wanted in that aspect.

Unsurprisingly to Beth now, her mind instantly switched to Tig. Now a life with Tig would definitely never be anything close to resembling normal. And yet somehow, that just proved to attract her to him more. Emily seemed shocked at first when Beth reminded her who Tig was but she had to laugh.

"He always did have the greatest eyes." She commented, helping Belle who had manged to get her skirt twisted around. "What about trying something with him, seeing where it goes?"

"Yeah maybe." Beth shrugged. "I think he's just flirting cause it's what he does though. I don't think he's actually interested in starting anything. Even if he was I don't think I could handle worrying that he's gonna be off with one of the crow eaters as soon as my backs turned."

"So just have a little fun and see where it goes. What do you have to loose?"

"With Tig? Oh, only my dignity, self respect, personal hygiene probably..."

Beth stayed until the late evening, Emily insisting she at least eat with them so she could get to know Max now he was home from work for the evening. She could see why Emily had fallen for him. He was attractive, friendly and treated her like a goddess. And with the kids? He was perfect, everything that Emily deserved. Once the twins were in bed, they waved Beth off with the promise that she would come back whenever she could.

* * *

When she got back to the garage, people were bustling everywhere. She climbed off her bike, spotting Tig working inside and smiled to herself. Should she have some fun with him? Would he even be up for it? Shaking her head she headed over to Jax, greeting him with a hug.

"You heading out?" She asked.

"Visiting Uncle Jury with Bobby."

"Club stuff?" He nodded. "What about the Mayans? Isn't Uncle Jury up in their territory?"

"That's why we're keeping it low key, relax."

"I'll come."

"Not a chance."

"If you have some random family with you, it'll just look like a family visit, right? Besides, I haven't seen Jury since I came to visit when I was six. I'm coming, let me go tell mum."

Beth ran over to see Gemma who was climbing into her car with Tara before Jax could protest. Gemma was already pissed that Jax was going so with Baby deciding to head off, it only proved to worsen her mood. She did however, leave them to it with nothing more than a warning to Jax to watch out for his sister. Something Baby was sure Jax had heard a million and one times by now.

As she fastened up her denim jacket and made her way towards her bike, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning, she found Tig wiping his hands on an old rag with a frown on his face.

"You going with Jax and Bobby?" He sniffed as she nodded, folding her arms across her chest. "That wise?"

"So you do worry about me, Trager." She smirked, bumping him with her arm. "Don't worry, I can handle myself."

"I don't doubt that for a second. But it can get pretty wild up at Jury's y'know. Can you handle that?"

"You mean sex, drugs and violence?" She raised an eyebrow. "How is that any different to here?"

"Well, everyone here knows you're the princess. At Jury's there are people that don't."

"So?"

"So guys are gonna hit on you, try and get in your pants."

"So?"

"So maybe you should stay here... Away from all that." Tig shrugged, glancing around the parking lot rather than at Beth.

"Hm." Beth was still smirking as she stepped closer to Tig, leaning in to whisper to him. "Are you worried about my welfare or are you just a little jealous I might let someone into my pants?"

Tig scoffed, looking down at her, watching as she walked away to her bike, watching the way her skirt swayed with the movement of her hips and more of her thigh revealed itself as she swung her leg over her bike. He let his head fall back, looking up at the sky with a low groan before skulking back into the garage.

* * *

The journey to Jury's of course, did not go to plan. There were Mayans, Clay decided to call a patch over and Jax picked up a stray. She seemed sweet, if a little naive but Baby said nothing other than a short hello after a pointed look and raised eyebrow to Bobby. But soon enough, Uncle Jury was coming out of the clubhouse to greet them.

"Well god damn... Little Baby Teller." Jury looked her up and down, shaking his head. "Look at you all grown up."

"Hey Uncle Jury." Beth moved forward to hug him, squealing when he lifted her from the ground. "Put me down. After riding with these two I need a drink."

"Go pick your poison little lady."

Beth greeted some of the girls inside, knowing that they probably assumed she was sweet butt like them but paid no mind to it. She got herself a simple beer, given that no one here seemed to know how to make a mojito and found herself a seat at the end of the bar. She knew better than to get involved in club business right now and so left Jax to talk to Jury alone. Instead she focused on forming her plan for the evening.

Clay had called for a patch over which meant the rest of the guys would be coming up, which meant Tig would be here. And if the patch over went well, that meant booze. Clay and Jax being drunk and preoccupied will give her the perfect opportunity to try something with Tig. She decided to hell with worrying about 'what if's' and the future. Tig was hot, he thought she was hot, why not have a little fun, she's 22 for god sake!

Unfortunately for her, Tig had been right about the guys there not knowing who she was. Some sleaze in Tribe denim walked right up to her and put his hand on her thigh, leaning in close to her ear.

"I like your hair, bubblegum." He breathed. "How 'bout you let me hold onto it nice and tight whilst I slam into you from behind."

"How about you get yourself on the other side of the room before I slam your face into this bar."

"Oh, don't be like that sweet butt." He chuckled, squeezing her thigh. "I'm big and thick... I could tear your pus-"

"One more fucking word, bollock brain and I'll ram this bottle in your eye socket."

"Hey, Baby!" Jax called, stepping over. "Chill. And you, hands off my sister."

The guy glanced at Jax's patches and backed away, muttering some poor excuse for an apology. Jax nodded at Beth and she returned it, sighing to herself. She knew it'd take alot of work to get respect from these men.

For the rest of the evening she paced herself on the beer until the guys got there, only to find Tig was not amongst them. She nonchalantly asked Happy where he's at and was frustrated to find that Clay had him running up the guns in the truck. He wouldn't get here until the following morning, at least. Annoyed and sexually frustrated she left the beer behind for some of Uncle Jury's absinthe he kept at the bottom of the bar and drank the rest of the night away, oblivious to the patch over outcome.

* * *

She awoke to the sounds of loud voices, making the pounding in her head intensify. She groaned, trying to bury her face in the cushion of the sofa beneath her but to no avail. Reluctantly she forced herself to stand and find where the voices were coming from.

"What's going on?" She murmured as she reached Clay and the others at the bar.

"Mayans, go with the girls."

Too tired to argue, Beth did as she was told for a change and helped a girl she vaguely remembered being introduced to as Cherry and the blonde that Jax had adopted for the night. Beth watched the fire fight from a distance, itching to jump in and help but she knew that this wasn't the right time to be forcing her way into club shit. But just watching and hoping no one got hurt was killing her more than any damn bullet would.

Once it was over everyone reconvened back inside and she breathed a sigh of relief to see that they were mostly ok. She took a coffee offered to her from Cherry with a smile although that quickly faded as she saw three scantily dressed girls emerge and attach themselves to either side of Tig.

"I, uh- I got some helpers for you." Clay spoke and Beth saw Tig's eyes light up as he declared his love for his president.

Beth placed the coffee down on the table and forced herself to look away from Tig's retreating form. She didn't need to think about what he was about to do with those girls or why it made her feel so shitty.

"That the one you've got your eye on?" Cherry whispered from behind her.

"Tig? Nah... He was around when I was born."

"Liar." She smiled. "Can see it in your eyes. You like him."

Cherry laughed and went on to help out where she could. Beth sighed and dropped into a chair, leaning her head back against the wall, hearing Juice ask if she was ok from somewhere close by.

"Too much of Jury's absinthe." She lied. "I can still see the little green fairy."

* * *

For the most part, Baby tried to forget about her new found feelings for Tig and bury them as deep down inside her as she could. She focused on working in the office, helping her mum whenever she was needed and travelling back and forth to visit Emily. It was a few weeks after Jury's that the fair to raise money for the school district was happening. It was looking to be a fun night, what with a local band and Ope doing the fireworks. For the most part it was, until she noticed Opie glaring down at someone across the way. Curious she went over to talk to him, finally realizing it was Kyle. The man that left him to get thrown in jail.

"Hey, Opie." She rested her hands on his shoulders as she stood behind him, watching Kyle play with his kids. "Are you good?"

"Yeah."

"Y'know one word answers have never been convincing." Beth sat down beside him. "Don't make me steal your hat."

"I'm ok. Honestly. Just watching."

"Think you can stick to just watching. For mum's sake."

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna tackle him through the crowd of kids."

Ope offered a small smile, just enough to convince Beth that he was calm. Even so, she sent a quick text to Jax to keep an eye on him and Kyle. Gemma would be pissed if there was fighting today. She headed over to find the woman in question and see if she needed any help. She found her taking a quick cigarette break and smiled, standing close to join her, shaking her head at the offer of the cigarette.

"You don't smoke?"

"Only if I'm stressed." She shrugged. "Try not to get wasted too often too. Got the curse."

"The family curse?" Gemma absentmindedly raised a hand to the scar on her chest. "I didn't know."

"Found out a couple years ago when I thought I was having a heart attack." Baby laughed. "Turns out it was just severe palpitations. It's there, not as severe as yours and the doctors said that as long as I don't live my life too far on the wild side, I should be fine. I just get the palpitations every now and again."

"Make sure you keep it in check. You don't want to end up with a scar the length of your torso between your tits."

* * *

When Kyle's kids band started playing, Baby was feeling the effects of a long day take it's toll on her and let Gemma know she was going back to the clubhouse to pick up some stuff she'd left there that morning before calling it a night and going home.

She picked up her bag from one of the back rooms and was all set to leave when she noticed the lights on in the garage even though the shutters were down. Figuring some of the guys were probably having a few drinks in there she went over to say goodnight, only to stop short inside the office, her hand still on the door knob. Kyle Hobart was in the centre of the room, holding himself up by two chain as Tig lit up a blow torch. She saw that tattoo on Kyle's back, something that should have been removed when he was cast out of Samcro.

She watched for a few minutes before she headed back into the parking lot. She thought about just going home but something in her was telling her to stay. Stay and tell her family the truth about the last six years. She went back inside the clubhouse and waited, lighting up a cigarette as she did. Tig, Bobby, Jax and Ope were the first to come inside as the sound of the van leaving came from outside. She assumed Happy, Juice and Sack must've taken Kyle to the hospital.

"What are you doing here, Baby?" Clay asked as he helped himself to a drink.

"I wanted to talk to you guys. All of you. And mum."

"Gemma's coming over here once they've finished packing up. She's gonna be a while."

"I can wait."

"I'll let Ope and the others know." Jax frowned, pulling out his phone and typing out a text. "What's it about."

"Nothing to worry about." She shrugged. "I just realized recently how much I miss family. I mean, your guys' brotherhood, how close you all are... Having each others backs through everything, even something like that shit with Kyle..." Jax and Clay exchanged a look as Tig sat down beside her.

"Your family is right here, Baby. Are you ok?"

"Not that kinda family." She glanced down at the stack of beaded bracelets on her right wrist and pulled them all off. Beneath was another tattoo that she hadn't shown the boys. A medieval iron maiden with two chain maces criss crossed behind it. The initials I.M.M.C in black lettering below.

"The Iron Maidens MC?" Tig frowned, reaching to touch her wrist. "Are you in some kinda club trouble?"

"No, no trouble. I just never told you guys the truth about the last six years."

When eventually everyone was back at the clubhouse, each with a drink and now waiting for Baby to talk, she wondered idly if her mum would think differently of her. If any of them would. With a deep breath, she began.

* * *

At sixteen years old, with just a few clothes and only a little money, Beth Teller had never been more scared. She kept to herself, buying the cheapest food she could and sleeping in homeless shelters for as long as she could, until they started questioning her age. After around six months she wound up just outside of Vegas, with almost no money left at all. With that knowledge, she had begun stealing small items of food from grocery stores. With her family background she knew to look for cameras, count how many security guards there were and how many people could see what she was doing. But of course there was bound to be a slip up. She had just slipped a package of bread rolls beneath her jacket to go with the sandwich meat already in there when she heard a voice to her right.

"That's the sigh of a girl with a weight on her shoulders." The woman was tall and muscular with fiery red hair and dark chocolate eyes. She had a wicked smirk and a look of amusement on her face.

"Just a couple tons. I can manage." Beth murmured, trying to shuffle away as naturally as she could.

"That a British accent I hear?" Beth nodded. "You're far from home, honey."

"Born to roam."

"How old are you?"

"Old enough." The woman laughed at Beth's defensive nature and Beth surprisingly found that she liked the sound. It sounded warm and familiar, like her mothers.

"Jeez, this is like talking to myself when I was young. What brings you to Vegas?"

"Heard this is the place to be to get away from shit."

"Seems to me you're still in the shit if you gotta steal your dinner." She held out her hand and Beth apprehensively shook it. "I'm Gloria."

"Beth."

"Well come on, Beth. Let's see if we can't get you something hot to eat."

Gloria took Beth to a motel that had definitely seen better days. She didn't miss the row of shining bikes lined up outside, or the familiar smell of smoke and leather once she'd been lead into a lounge area. Eight other women all sat around the room, all of different ages and appearances, but all with the same cut on their backs. Embroidered on the leather was what looked like a body shaped coffin filled with spikes and two spiked balls on chains criss crossed in the back. Above and below were scrolls reading, 'Iron Maidens, Vegas Charter'.

"Like the band?" Beth quirked her eyebrow when Gloria noticed her staring.

"Actually the band formed in '75. Out first nine was '73. First nine is-"

"The original nine members that formed your MC."

"You know your club trivia."

"Brother and stepdad are in one. Grew up around it." She shrugged.

"They know where you are?"

"You said I could eat here."

Gloria laughed again but didn't push the question, instead leading Beth into the kitchen where a cook made her lamb and potatoes and a whole heap of vegetables. It was the first hot meal she had had in so long that Beth was tempted to lick the plate clean once she'd finished but figured that it'd be bad table manners.

Gloria gave Beth a room on the condition of working at the motel. All she had to do was help carry luggage if a customer needed it, show them to their rooms and clean when they checked out. Simple enough. And over time, Beth got to know the other girls in the MC.

Gloria, as she suspected, was first nine and current club president. The VP was also first nine, went by Boo but her real name was Kathy. A squat woman with short cropped black hair. She looked meaner than she was and reminded Beth alot of Piney, minus the oxygen tank. Sergeant At Arms was Queenie, aka Lily. Tall and Slim with blonde locks that reached the middle of her back. She had treated Beth as an inconvenience for the first few weeks but soon took her in as one of her own. Taz, or Tamzin labelled herself as the token Latino and liked to tease the girls about their stereotypes. Belladonna, real name Taylor was pretty quite for the most part. Leeloo, Nicky, earned her nickname from her short ginger bob that matched Milla Jovovich in Fifth Element. She welcomed the comparison. Needle however hadn't always been keen on her nickname. Before she prospected she had been a junkie and Gloria told her until she got clean she'd have the nickname and no chance of prospecting. But unluckily for her, real name Amy, the nickname stuck. Pup was the youngest, just freshly patched in and actually called Joanne.

And then there was Bunny, or Danielle if you knew her well. She and Baby became quick friends, always heading out together when they weren't working and when Baby suggested she might ask to prospect, she offered to be her sponser. And so just short of a year after her arrival in Vegas, Beth made prospect. She used all of her knowledge from back home to help her and sure enough, after a year, she made full patch.

The next two years were fraught with dealing with gang shit as well as club shit and working her regular job at the motel to keep up appearances. The girls became family, people who she'd die for and would die for her. All except one. Beth had thought Queenie had warmed up to her but it seemed to only last a short period of time. And when she overheard Gloria announce that one day she wanted Beth at her side as her Sergeant At Arms, Queenie only seemed to let her hatred surface even more.

And just two years after Baby patched in, the motel was stormed by armed police and ATF. They were all taken away without being told a thing and it wasn't until they were inside they realized Queenie was nowhere to be found. After some digging they found out she had turned rat. They were each given sentences for various criminal acts. Beth received a three year sentence for possession of a deadly weapon.

Being inside was much harder than any of the boys had ever told her before. She knew they were always trying to protect her when she was young but she wish she had had a better idea of what this place would be like. Of course she had the girls to protect her but it didn't make up for the nights, lying awake and thinking about the outside, listening to new inmates crying themselves to sleep. It didn't help when she had to always keep looking over her shoulder whilst she showered, especially after Needle ended up with eighteen stitches in her stomach from a shanking incident. Prison was hell and she never wanted to end up back here, especially not alone.

Whilst they were inside, Gloria and Boo, the only remaining members of the original nine has serious talks about the future of the MC. Their other charters had already died out the past few years and they had feared that their time was almost up. And towards the end of Baby's sentence, they gathered the girls around in the cafeteria. Whilst the were still inside, they were still a united front. But outside, the Vegas Iron Maidens were no more. Disbanded for good.

Baby didn't speak to them for a week. She was beyond pissed. Having just found a family, people she could open up to again and now it was all over. When they got out every one would seperate. Taz and Leeloo would head back down south, Pup would go back to Canada, Needle, Bella and Bunny were all from Chicago... She wasn't ready for all of this to end. Her five years of full patch, even if three of them were in County, were some of the best years of her life. The only times she thought about her sixteenth birthday were the days when she would drive to the state line, convinced she was ready to visit home.

Gloria had learned about Baby's past over these past six years since they met in the grocery store and she knew the Samcro boys. She used her contacts to find some information that she knew would finally get Baby back home. She knew how much family meant to her.

"You still pissed at me?" She asked leaning on the cell door.

"No." Beth sat up on her bunk with a sigh. "I get it I guess. You and Boo are getting on in years."

"Watch your mouth, Baby girl." Gloria took a seat as she watched her, the pink in her hair all grown out now. "You know why I took you out of that store six years ago?"

"Pity?"

"You reminded me of Lisa."

Lisa, Beth knew, was Gloria's daughter. She had died at nineteen years of age from cervical cancer. It was too late for her by the time they even knew anything was wrong.

"You never told me that."

"Dye your hair red and make it curly and you'd be the spit of her." Gloria smiled ruefully. "Over these years, you've become one of my own. All of my girls are as good as my kids, and you're no exception. But in reality, you already have a mother. One who I know from your stories adores you. One that has probably been worried sick for six years."

"You know why I can't-"

"I know why you stay away. I know. But I think now is the perfect time to go home, Baby."

"Why now?"

"Word on the grapevine is your gonna be an auntie real soon."

* * *

The room was silent when she'd finished talking. Beth was watching Gemma, waiting for her to chastise her choices, scold her for doing time. Instead, Gemma crossed the room, Baby standing to meet her, and wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter.

"Always knew you could take care of yourself, sweetheart." She pulled back with a teary eyed smile. "I'm proud of you."

"Can't believe Gloria disbanded." Bobby said. "Figured she'd be doing it into her deathbed."

"You know Gloria?"

"Yeah, she and I had a thing back in the day."

"You and... Oh my god you were her Elvis thing!" Beth looked disgusted as she looked Bobby up and down. "Oh she told me so many details."

The room erupted into laughter as Beth held her hands over her eyes, trying to mentally delete the image of Gloria and Bobby going at it. Juice joked that at least know they had an experienced pair of hands around if they ever need help and Beth promised she there when they needed her.

"Chibs is gonna flip." Jax smirked, knowing how protective the Scot could be. Sometimes even more so than himself.

"Ah, shit." Beth shook her head. "I'll catch him up when he gets back... But, you guys are all ok with my shit right?"

"Ok with it?" Tig barked a laugh. "You couldn't have made us any prouder."


	6. When choices end, you must defend, I'll grab my bat and go with you...

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _When choices end, you must defend, I'll grab my bat and go with you..._  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family/Horror_  
 **Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _3985 words._  
 **Title Song -**   _My Blood by Twenty One Pilots_

 **A/n -**   _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

Since coming clean about the truth of the past six years, the club had become surprisingly more open. Whether it was in return for her openness or just a new found trust since she had been involved in MC politics, she didn't know, but she wasn't about to take it for granted.

Just lately Baby had been thinking more and more about things that Kip and Juice had been saying to her. Even when she was sixteen, Kip had told her she'd make a good prospect, if she weren't a girl. And recently, Juice had been agreeing with him, especially since had done her time as prospect for the Maidens. Beth missed the life, as would any of these boys if ever Samcro disbanded. Just like Jax she had grown up around it, it was all she knew she was good at. But female MC's were few and far between thanks to the world of the biker being a sexist one. A woman trying to get in as prospect for a male club would be laughed at, usually. But these boys knew her, knew she was capable and she was already family. Convincing Clay would take time and careful planning, but she was beginning to become convinced that she might be able to do it.

She began, simply by helping out at much as she possibly could without forcing herself onto the club. Of course, she continued at the garage, but she always listened out for any possibilities she could help with. With the Maidens, getting information was always her gig, but Juice was the tech guy and he pretty much had that down. If she wanted an in, she had to prove she was useful in some way that no one else already in the club was. And that, was proving difficult.

For the time being she settled for just continuing her work at the garage, life passing by as normal. Well, as normal as life in Charming could be. That is until she recognized the girl being guided towards the truck. She smiled to herself, glancing over to Half Sack . She remembered the two of them spending most of the night together at Uncle Jury's. At least they were before she was too drunk to see straight anymore.

She wondered idly how long it would be before Half Sack declared her as his old lady as she entered the office, only to find her mother sitting on one of the chairs, crying.

"Hey, mum? What's wrong? What happened?" Baby dropped her bag and knelt in front of Gemma, placing her hands gently on her knees. "Anyone hurt?"

"No, Baby. I'm alright, don't worry about it."

"You know that time you told me it's a mothers job to worry?" Gemma nodded. "Well it's a daughters job too when she finds her mum crying in the office." She stood back up, glancing out of the window to see Clay talking to Juice and gesturing towards Cherry in the truck. "Tell me it's not something to do with that girl from Jury's." Gemma said nothing but Baby could see the truth in her eyes.

Fury filling her she stormed out of the office and stomped over to Clay as Juice drove out of the lot. He turned to her with a frown as she stood before him, all 5'2" of her vibrating with anger. She pointed her finger, accusatorily, at his chest.

"You screwed Sack's piece." She spoke evenly as she stared at him. "Knowing full well you had a queen waiting for you at home."

"Baby-"

"Don't 'Baby' me you piece of shit." She shouted, beginning to draw attention. She lowered her voice again. "My mother deals with everything you can throw at her and she does it was a smile on her face and a heart full of love for you. And you screw some scrawny bitch? Do you even think before you act, Clay?"

"C'mon darlin'. Let's go have a chat, aye?" Chibs had his hands on her shoulders, steering her well clear of Clay, who's anger was clearly rising with every word she spoke.

"I don't need a chat, Chibs, I need to put the asshole in his place."

"No, you need to learn a little something about the club."

Chibs sat her down in the clubhouse, pouring her a drink and sitting beside her on the bar stools. He explained to her some of the less talked about rules of the club. Namely, 'what happens on a run, stays on a run.' Beth was stunned. Gemma knew about this rule, accepted it as did all of the other old ladies. She snorted a laugh and gulped down her drink, slamming the glass on the bar.

"Here's me hoping that one day the world of the bikers won't be full of sexist assholes. And yet here we are, in this day and age, giving you guys free passes to cheat on the women who give their whole lives to you."

"The rules of the club are old darlin'. They're sexist, racist, homophobic... You name it... It was the seventies darlin', it's how things were."

"Rules should change with time, Chibs. Otherwise we're all just living in the past."

* * *

Despite Gemma being one to always handle her own shit, she still thanked her daughter for sticking up for her. Baby asked how she dealt with that rule, knowing that Clay might be up to something when he's on a run. Gemma didn't really have much of an answer other than, 'comes with the territory.'

"It's shitty." Beth grumbled over the laptop screen in the office. "I couldn't be an old lady. I'd either go insane or kill somebody."

"What happened to your little crush on Tigger?" Gemma teased, hoping to move on from the subject.

"I didn't have a crush. And even if I did, a crush does not mean I want to be his old lady."

"Sure." Gemma smirked. "You don't have a crush and I'm mother goddamn Theresa."

* * *

"Hey, Baby!"

Beth was just about to head into the office when she heard Chibs calling her from outside the clubhouse. She adjusted her jacket and headed over, tilting her head to ask what he needed.

"It's Gemma. She's been arrested."

"For what?"

"That chick that Clay nailed? Gemma broke her nose with a skateboard." He explained and Beth cursed up at the sky. "Clay's being grilled by the feds, someone needs to bail her out. Jax is busy with everything here. Figured you'd want to know."

"Yeah, I'll head over there now. Thanks, Chibby."

"No problem..." He trailed off as cars pulled up on the lot, people spewing out of them once they had stopped. "The hell is this."

"Some more shit to put on our plate."

"Hands where I can see em! Come on, let's go! Face on the pavement."

Each of the boys were pushed down onto the ground as Baby lowered herself slowly. She was too busy watching them all to notice one of the agents come up beside her. He grabbed her shoulders and shoved her down until her nose hit the ground beneath her.

"Get your goddamn hands of her!" Jax shouted, Chibs yelling some obscenities in an accent too broad for Baby to catch. She turned and shook her head at them, letting them know she was fine, laughing when Bobby told the female agent that she smelled nice.

The bust was a bust. There was nothing to find thanks to whatever Jax did with those AK's. Once the feds were all cleared out, Baby headed over to her brother to thank him for looking out for her.

"It's my job, darlin'."

"Don't you 'darlin' me, Jackson Teller." Baby chuckled. "Hey, you know a lot of shit is landing on you with Clay being held. You need any help, I'm right here."

"I know." He made to leave but stopped himself and headed back. "Tell you what, since your so eager you can help Chibs and the guys go get our AK's later."

"Alright. I'm in."

Jax had a smirk on his face that made Baby think he was up to something but she didn't press on it, instead headed over to ask Chibs what time she'd be needed.

* * *

After heading all the way to the station only to hear Gemma didn't want bail posted, Baby was fed up. She waited for Clay to be released and let him know what Gemma was doing. She let him go in and talk to her, heading off to help out Chibs, Juice and Sack.

"Where are they anyway?" She asked, adjusting the hood the framed her head.

"Septic tank guys came this morning." Juice smirked and Beth frowned for a second before it dawned on her.

"The guns are in a truck full of shit?"

"You wanted to help out darlin'." Chibs laughed from the drivers seat.

"Ok, you know what? Jax is an asshole and I am not getting these guns. I'll drive us home, you guys can get messy."

"Aw, what's a matter sweet heart? Afraid to get your hands dirty?"

"I don't deal with anyone's waste other than my own... And I'm gonna kick Jax's ass when we get back."

* * *

Once the guns were back where they belonged, Beth decided to head to the hospital where she knew Half Sack was talking to Cherry about pressing charges.

She saw Tara on the way in, offering her a quick smile and wave as she passed. She was still uncertain on where she stood with the good doctor. Tara had never been a favorite of Beth's but she couldn't deny she was helping out alot since she got back. And despite Wendy having had been her favorite, she almost killed Abel and that wasn't something that could easily be forgiven.

Ignoring that mess for a while she found Cherry's room, hearing voices coming from inside.

"Why the hell did you get in that cargo truck?"

"You know why."

"That- That can't work."

"Just give me one more dance."

Beth smiled to herself as she leaned against the door. 'Just give her a dance, Sack.' She thought, opening the door just a crack. Seeing the young couple kissing she grinned and left them to it, deciding she could talk to Cherry some other day.

* * *

The following morning, whilst Clay had gone to pick up Gemma, Beth was racing around the parking lot of the garage, her brother just a few feet ahead of her, laughing his ass off. Beth was laughing too but trying to hide it. Luckily, he made the mistake of running into the garage and Beth shouted for Tig.

"Tiggy, grab that asshole would ya?"

Ever useful, Tig managed to catch the hood of Jax's jacket and pull him back, hooking his arms around his and keeping them pulled back. Jax barely struggled, thinking that Baby wouldn't do anything too bad to him. How wrong he was.

With a mischievous smirk she finally caught up to them, holding something behind her back. She reached her free hand forward and grabbed his belt, pulling his jeans and underwear forward. She made sure to keep her eyes on his face, the last thing she wanted being a glimpse at her brothers junk. She revealed the bottle of hot sauce that she'd been hiding, flicking off the cap. Jax suddenly started to squirm, spewing out warning of the things that would come if she did this. Tig was laughing loudly in Jax's ear as Chibs and the other workers were now laughing too on the other side of the room.

Without warning she upturned the bottle, dumping the orangy red liquid into his underwear and letting the elastic waistband snap back when it was empty. She snorted when Tig reached down to Jax's crotch, making sure to rub the sauce in. Jax was cursing up a storm and so Baby dropped the bottle and ran for her bike peeling out of the garage to the tune of Jax running for the bathroom. She stopped only to text Tig to let her know when it was safe to go back before heading off to do her grocery shopping for the week. Especially now she was all out of her favorite hot sauce.

* * *

Once Cherry and Gemma made up, Beth began to see her alot more. She was a sweet girl and Half Sack seemed happy with her. Beth was quick to let him know that Cherry had her approval, she thought they made a cute couple. She even came to hang out and watch him train in the ring. Beth was sitting on a bench, half watching the two of them and half listening to Clay talk to the guys. She was calm today, just enjoying some peace but of course it wouldn't last.

"Do me a favor. Push up on that thing, will ya?" Glancing over her shoulder she saw that Clay was talking to Bobby whilst looking at Cherry. "And go at it hard." Once again pissed at her step dad she allowed him to finish his conversation before confronting him.

"Do you have something against anyone being in a decent relationship other that you and mum?"

"Excuse me?"

"Telling Bobby to push up on her like your some kind of keeper of Sack. Why can't you just let the two of them be happy? Do you thrive off misery or something?"

"You better watch you mouth if you wanna keep being trusted with club shit. And next time Jax let's you help out with something, you better get the damn job done."

"How about you-"

"Hey, come on now." Tig wrapped his arm around Beth's shoulders and she found herself once again being steered away from an argument with Clay. He sat her down in the office, perching himself on the edge of the desk as he folded his arms. "It's nothing to worry about. We're just making sure Sack's not gonna get hurt, that's all."

"Sack is a grown ass man and if this relationship turns shitty he can handle it, just like the rest of the club have to. Even Jax, the man with his heart on his sleeve, has dealt with both Tara and Wendy fucking his head up."

"Look, doll... It's just an old club thing, alright? We protect each other."

Baby snorted. "Y'know as much as I love you guys I will never understand your attitude towards women."

"Some of our attitudes have changed from what they used to be."

"Not yours though." She scoffed. He tilted his head to the side, frowning in confusion. "You had three crow eaters to yourself at Jury's." For a second, just one split second, Tig actually looked guilty. Almost like he was going to apologize. But then his face split into that familiar smug, shit eating grin as his blue eyes twinkled with mischief.

"You jealous, doll?"

Baby stood, stepping in between his legs and leaning close. His smirk faltered as her nose brushed against his. "You just proved my point." She turned on her heel and left, Tig cursing quietly and reaching down to his crotch to adjust himself.

* * *

One thing Beth enjoyed about being back in Charming was the town. It wasn't as huge as Vegas but it was some small pokey shit hole either. Sometimes she left her bike at home and just went for a walk around. Looked in family run stores, picked up some books or music and treated herself to hot chocolate or ice cream, depending on the weather. This afternoon was warm though and she hadn't had the town famous raspberry ripple since she was a kid. She got herself a large cone, struggling to catch the trickle of melting ice cream from her fingers when she heard a commotion not too far ahead. She walked a little faster to see what was happening only to find her own damn brother, brawling on the street with some guy. Come to think of it, she was almost certain that he had been at the clubhouse raid a few days ago.

"Jax!" She shouted, tossing the sweet treat and grabbing hold of the back of his cut, yanking him away. "Scissors in the leg is a good indication of when to stop."

It wasn't long until both men were in a jail cell and Baby was being questioned. Hale backed up that she had only seen the end of the fight and broke it up. When they were done with her she walked back to Floyd's picking up Jax's bike and riding it to the station. There she waited until he too was released and demanded to know what the hell was happening.

Once they had watched the agent leave town, Jax took her for coffee, explaining everything. From stalking Tara and trashing one of the apartment rooms in the clubhouse to pissing in Abel's room. Jax laughed when she muttered that she wished she'd took a shot at him before Hale turned up.

* * *

"Hey, how long till Sack's fight?" Baby asked when she arrived at the venue later that evening.

"He's next up, come on we got ringside." Tig pulled her along with him

She watched the fight with the crowd, cheering in all the right places and rolling her eyes when their plan all went tits up. Because what else was new? Just as things were starting to feel normal and relaxed again, something else hit her in just the wrong place as she was heading to leave.

"At least you got the girl, huh?"

"Get out of here before I rape both of you."

Beth jolted at the words, focusing on the man that spoke them. Before he could climb into the van with Clay, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him away.

"Tig, I ever hear that 'term of endearment' again, I will castrate you just like I did the other guy."

"Shit, Baby... I'm sorry, I-uh... I didn't think."

"That's your problem, Tig. You never do."

* * *

Baby had some trouble talking to Tig for a few days after that. She found it hard to fathom that someone she trusted and had called a friend, someone she was reluctantly falling for, could say that kind of thing, knowing what she went through. She knew in reality that he didn't mean any harm by it, would never actually do that kind of thing. But it didn't change the fact that it bothered her. Maybe it was because of how she felt for him, she didn't really know.

It wasn't as if he was ignoring it either. He had caught up to her when she left that night, apologizing profusely but she she sent him home. Any time he could catch her for a few moments he would tell her he was sorry. She appreciated the gesture, Tig wasn't the kind of man that apologized often and so she wasn't taking it for granted. She just needed to wrap her own head around it. It was still new to her being back in Charming after her ordeal. Sometimes things just hit her out of nowhere and took her breath from her lungs. She would get to a place where she could make her own jokes one day, it would just take some time.

Instead she focused for the time being on Abel. She was meeting Jax and Gemma down at St Thomas today to hold him for the first time. She was beyond excited and had even called Emily that morning to gush to her. Emily told her about the first time the girls were placed in her arms. Her husband said she cried for an hour straight.

Beth almost did the same. She just barely managed to hold it together when little Abel was passed into her arms. He was so small, big eyes peering up at her from beneath his Samcro beanie. She swore in a whisper, Gemma quickly chastising her but all with a smile on her face. She looked up at Jax who looked every bit the proud father.

"Who would've thought you could make something so damn perfect?"

* * *

"Jesus H Christ."

The clubhouse was in chaos the next time Baby arrived. People were bustling everywhere, there was someone yelling in pain from Chapel, people talking over each other... She could barely hear herself think. And then, in the midst of it all, she saw Tig. Seemingly oblivious to it all on the opposite side of the room, clearly lost in his own thoughts. Swallowing the last remaining bit of anger she walked over to him.

"Baby, I-"

"I know. I'm over it." She shrugged. "Just don't ever say that shit again."

"I won't, I promise."

"What the hell's going on here?"

"Alvarez tried to assassinate Clay, one of our Irish friends took a bullet in the ass."

"Shit, are you alright?" She placed a hand on his chest as thought feeling the beat of his heart would somehow serve to reassure her. He placed his hand over hers and nodded.

"I'm fine, doll." He spoke lowly, holding her hand in place for reasons he wasn't sure of. "Gonna be a war though. You need to keep yourself safe, alright?"

"I need to talk to Clay."

Tig took her to him, just outside the clubhouse, smoking a cigar. He looked stressed, more so than usual and she wasn't in the least bit surprised.

"Jax's gone to see if Tara can help out." He said, blowing out a puff of smoke. "Help out your mom, we're gonna have a full house."

"Actually I was thinking I could help in another way." She moved to sit beside him on the bench. "Tig said this is gonna be a war with the Mayans. You got an all hands on deck situation here, Clay. My girls are all out by now. I know they'd help if I asked them."

"We can't ask you to do that." Tig shook his head.

"You're not, I'm offering." She waited for Clay to answer.

"Alright." He nodded. "We'd need them here quick though."

"Yeah. Are you alright after last night?" She asked and he nodded again, catching her hand before she could walk away. He pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thanks, kid." He pulled back, hands on her shoulders as he looked down at her. "You always look out for everyone else. Your mom, your brother, us guys, Half Sack, even the sweet butt."

"Her name is Cherry, Clay."

"Sorry." He smiled warmly, despite the situation. "It's always been my favorite thing about you. Even when you left, in your letter you told us to watch out for Emily. Your biggest concern is always the safety of everyone but yourself."

"I know what I can handle. It's other people that I worry about."

"We need you around, Baby. We need you to have our backs." He hugged her again, squeezing just a little tighter than before. "You know I've always loved you like my own."

"I know. I love you too, Clay."

She didn't notice Tig's smile at the interaction as she headed into the office. Clay had just given her that thing she needed. The one thing that made her different from every patched member of Samcro. She was the one who had peoples backs, the one who ensured that everyone was safe and whole. She kept that thought as a comfort in the back of her mind and she idly wondered if this favor would give her an in with Clay should she find the guts to ask to prospect.

She didn't think she'd be making this call so soon but her family needed help and if her other family could help with that, then so be it. After three long moments, her call was answered.

"Hey Gloria, it's Baby. How'd you feel about a trip to Charming?"


	7. Do you remember fast times in the summer rain?

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _Do you remember fast times in the summer rain?_  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family_  
 **Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _3849 words._

 **Title Song -**   _Bottle And A Beat - All Time Low_

 **A/n -**   _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

The chaos continued on well into the following morning. Chibs was doing his best to help the Irish man she now knew as Cameron but he was no doctor. Jax still hadn't returned with Tara and Gemma was freaking out about it. On top of all that, Unser had to take Clay for routine questioning after someone went after Darby. Beth was doing what she could to help out around the place with some of the crow eaters, laughing a little when she saw Tig and Gemma in the doorway.

"You got two choices, Tigger, tackle me or tag along."

"Now, look. I got nothing but adoration for you, why you gotta give me such a hard time for?"

"It's my nature. I'm a giver."

Gemma shoved past him, leaving him to mumble something under his breath. Baby gave his hand a quick squeeze and a reassuring smile.

"You'd think you'd be used to dealing with us Teller women after all these years."

"You Teller women will be the death of me."

"Yeah but we'd be a hell of a way to go." She laughed. "Better get after her. Clay finds out she went alone, you're the one on the firing line."

"You can hold it down here?"

"Duh."

Tig laughed as Beth rolled her eyes, quickly heading out of the door and leaving her with the hectic clubhouse.

* * *

It was sometime in the afternoon when the familiar rumble of bikes came from outside the clubhouse. Assuming it would be some of the other charters, Baby headed outside to welcome them in but was met with a line of shining purple bikes, not dissimilar to her own. A wide grin on her face, she hopped forward, passing the guys sitting on the benches smoking.

"Hey, baby girl!" Gloria took Baby into a tight hug, tugging the ends of her hair in the same affectionate way she always had.

"Good to see you, Baby." Bunny hugged her too, passing her around the rest of the group.

"God, it's weird us all being together without our leather." Baby murmured, keeping her arm wrapped around Pup's waist. "I'm glad you all came, my boys are in some shit right now. Clay will be back later to talk about what's going down before we settle on a retaliation. For now, just make yourselves at home whilst I deal with a whole heap of other shit."

"There are other charters coming?" Taz asked as the girls followed her inside.

"Yeah, the Nomads, some of the Tacoma guys are coming down and a few others."

"Sounds like a party." Boo laughed. "Let's get it started."

* * *

"So, you must be Gloria." Gemma spoke from across the bar. "I think we met before, briefly. When you and Bobby had your thing."

"Yeah, you look familiar. But then, Baby has your eyes."

"Listen, I just wanted to thank you." Gemma spoke quietly, not wanting everyone in the clubhouse listening to the two of them. "When Beth ran away I was petrified. I know what could of happened to her out there on her own... Wasn't a day that went by the past six years that I didn't worry about her."

"You couldn't rightly call yourself a mother if you didn't."

"She told me that you took her in, gave her a home and a job. You gave her a family when she couldn't be with her real one. I can't thank you enough for that."

"Don't worry about it." Gloria shook her head with a fond smile when she heard the rest of the girls laughing from across the room. "I just did what I hoped anyone would of done for my Lisa... All of those girls are as good as my own... Except Boo, god she's older than I am." The two women shared a laugh. "Couldn't stand to see a kid end up on the streets so I do what I can. Most mothers would think that joining an MC is worse than living rough."

"Most mothers are dumb bitches who think they're better than everyone else."

"Mom, could you give Tara a hand in there?" Jax asked, leaning over Gloria's shoulder.

"Well would you look at this one. Gemma Teller, you make the most beautiful kids." Gloria smiled up at Jax who shot her his Charming famous smirk.

"You should see my grand baby." Gemma winked before heading off into Chapel.

* * *

After Clay had his own private sit down with Alvarez and the boys had their vote, it was decided there would be no war in Charming. At least not today. Baby felt bad, bringing the girls all the way down here for nothing but none of them seemed to mind. They got to see an old friend and have a damn good party afterwards. And what a party it was.

The music was loud, the laughter was louder and the booze was aplenty. The Samcro boys who had known Baby when she was just a baby were listening to varying stories from the IMMC girls about their Princess' past.

"I'm not kidding, this girl got blind wasted drunk and stole a box of g strings from the strip club."

"I don't even remember that."

"Nothing will ever beat the time that she took on the Arabian guys." Bunny slurred. "You remember, Pup? Boo? You were there. So, there's these four Arabian dudes right, all at least six foot, burly, bearded and armed. And then there's Princess over there with cotton candy hair, wearing a little dress and only five foot tall-"

"I'm five two you dipshit."

"Same difference." Ope smirked and shrugged.

"Ope, as a woman, I feel it's important I tell you that to us, two inches makes a hell of a difference." Beth laughed at her own joke that was met with hoots and hollers from the guys.

"Anyway, miss five foot two over there gets all four of these guys to leave, completely freaked out. She didn't even pull a gun, she's just really inventive with her threats."

"That's my girl." Tig beamed from his seat beside her. "You make me so damn proud, doll."

Beth could feel the heat in her cheeks as she grinned right back at him, the rum in her system making it hard to resist the urge to kiss him. She was pulled from her stupor however by a question from Taz, who seemed very interested in Happy's tattoos.

"You miss it? Being in an MC?"

"Every damn day." Beth nodded, glancing over at Clay. His head tilted, trying to read her unspoken message but she merely looked away, gesturing for Kip at the bar to get her another drink before he and Cherry got too wasted.

* * *

Over the next few days most of the girls dispersed back to their homes, all except Gloria, who had rekindled her 'thing' with Bobby. Much to Baby's dismay when she was woken up by the two of them going at it in the clubhouse. But she couldn't deny that it was nice to see the two of them happy. Plus it meant she got to spend more time with Gloria which was always a bonus.

Another good thing, that had surprised her, came from Clay. When Cameron had been taken up to the cabin for his recovery time, Clay had pulled her aside to ask her if she was ok lending a hand until this shit with ATF blows over. He seemed to think she could handle it and of course, she said yes. She hadn't expected Clay to be the one to ask for her help, rather her asking or more than likely begging to prospect. She had never been one to bite the hand that feeds so she made sure she was available for anything they needed her for.

She took a little time to head over to Donna and Ope's place, seeing how everything was going at home. She knew Ope was trying his best with the club pulling him one way and Donna pulling him the other. Jax was Opie's best friend and would help him as best he could, but Donna didn't really have many friends in Charming. It was alot to do with her reluctance to involve herself or the kids with the club, especially after Opie's arrest. Maybe she could use a friend right about now.

Turns out that the ATF bitch had been to visit just before Baby could get there and she'd done a damn good job of riling her up. Beth made them both some coffee whilst Donna ranted about all the shit in her head. She apologized for tearing up when she was done, pulling her mug close to her chest and breathing in the bitter scent. Beth shook her head, there was nothing to apologize for. It's part of their life, she knew that when she married Opie, it just seemed like she'd forgot it over time. Donna loved her husband, that much was clear but Baby could sympathize with her wanting him out of this life. It was a dangerous one, ending up in prison or dead. It's not often MC members get a peaceful end. You can't retire from gun running.

She wished she had something wise or at least a little helpful to say to Donna but she came up with nothing. Nothing more than a reassurance that whatever happened she'd always look out for them, Jax would always be at Opie's side. Donna knew that though and it didn't make her feel any better. This wasn't a decision Baby could help with. It had to be their family's choice, as hard as it is, and the rest of them would just have to deal with it when it came.

* * *

Later in the day, back at the clubhouse the boys were all in Church. Gemma let her know that Cherry, aka Rita, had been arrested as had Luanne. Apparently the ATF bitch was planning on using RICO. Baby sighed and waited at the bar to hear if she'd be needed for anything. At the very least she could try and talk to Half Sack, he was probably worrying his ass of about Cherry. When the boys finally spilled out of the room, Clay called out a few more words.

"Tig, Piney, Bobby... Take Baby with you."

"You sure?" Piney asked, glancing over at the girl who looked just as confused as he did.

"Her girls said she's good to have in a messy situation. Take her just in case." Clay nodded. "You cool with that?"

"Yeah, sure." She hopped down from the stool and approached the three men she was apparently working with. "Where are we going?"

"Distraction, doll. Go home, get dressed up." Tig smiled.

"Dressed up? Anything specific?"

"We're only going to a bar, Tig. Not some fancy restaurant."

"Bobby, we're serving a distraction dumb ass."

"Yeah, but we're causing it. She gets too dressed up and you'll be the one distracted."

"Hey!" Baby shook her head with a laugh. "I'll change into something a little nicer, but not fancy. We all ok with that?" The three men nodded, watching her leave.

"Man, you've got it bad." Bobby laughed, elbowing Tig in the side. "Hope you plan on talking to Clay before you make a move. He'll kill you if you don't. And if Clay doesn't Jax will."

* * *

What kind of distraction they were supposed to be making and why had been kept from her so far. But she knew she would have to work her way up to being given club information. Content just to be allowed to help, Beth went home to change. She looked through her closet for a while before settling on a simple pink and white plaid pencil skirt with a white cropped tank top and an over sized denim jacket. She kept her make up fairly simple and neutral, gave her hair a little messy wave kinda vibe and threw on her trusted pink converse. As soon as she felt cute enough, she was out the door and back on her bike to the clubhouse.

Sometimes she thought she put too much effort into her appearance for a day to day basis. She knew she got it from her mother who was never without heels or a smoky eye but sometimes she caught people looking at her in a certain way that made her second guess herself. But seeing the expression on Tig's face when she walked over to the guys made it all worth it. His blue eyes were trained on her, scanning over the exposed skin of her thighs and midriff, the cleavage she sometimes hid beneath big jumpers or leather jackets... She saw his tongue dart out across his lower lip as she stopped in front of them and couldn't hide the smug smile.

"We all ready then?"

She too noticed that none of them were wearing cuts and Tig in just a button down with his sleeves rolled up, showing off his toned forearms did something to Baby that she just couldn't explain. Feeling the tension between the two of them Bobby cleared his throat, gesturing for them to all get in the van. Apparently they were going for inconspicuous tonight, no cuts and no bikes.

Soon enough the four of them were standing at the bar, the bar tender making them their drinks. Baby was happy to hear she knew how to make a mojito. Tig, however, couldn't take his eyes of the leaves spilling over the top of the glass.

"Why is their foliage in your drink?"

"It's a mojito."

"It's a mo-what-oh?"

"White rum, sugar, lime juice, soda water, and mint." She rolled her eyes as he frowned at her. "Try some." She held up the glass, watching as Tig wrapped his lips around the straw. He waited a moment before nodding it's approval.

"The leaves are a bit much, but it's not bad."

"Told you so."

"You ever get high off of this?" He asked, indicating Piney's oxygen tank.

Rolling her eyes, Baby turned her back to the bar, surveying the scene. The plan was for the boys to instigate a fight that would turn into a full on bar brawl. Bobby and Baby were just there for back up in case it all went wrong, as their plans so often did. She watched as Piney and Tig went to different tables, each talking up some different shit until one of Piney's group took a swing at Tig. Piney came back to that bar as if he'd done nothing more that gone to the bathroom. Tig however, fought for little longer.

Once again, Baby's thoughts drifted. Watching the muscles in his arms and back flex and pull taut beneath his shirt as he fought anyone who came at him, the usually playful expression replaced with a meaner grimace... She squeezed her thighs together as discreetly as she could, unsure of what had suddenly come over her.

"Well done." Bobby said when he arrived back at the bar.

"I do what I can."

He was a little breathless and Baby's eyes fell to his chest, the hair visible where the top few buttons were undone. She wondered how his chest hair would feel under her palms if she were holding herself up whilst she worked her hips against his. She gulped, subconsciously wetting her lips as her eyes wondered down to the knife that was always on his belt. The three silver skulls that ran along it had always been something she liked, even when she was younger. Her fingers twitched, almost reaching out to touch it when Tig spoke.

"You alright there?" He asked, tilting his head. She shook her head a little too fast, clearing her throat and looking back at her drink. Tig smirked, glancing down at himself. "You were checking me out." He teased. "It's alright sweetheart, you can look all you want, I won't stop you."

"Cool it, Trager. Before you land yourself in another fight."

"You're so hot when you're angry."

"Don't let Jax hear you say that." Bobby said and Piney snorted.

Neither Tig nor Baby said another word as they both returned to their drinks, turned on to the max but both unwilling to make the first move and do anything about it.

* * *

The following day, Baby headed up to the cabin to see off Cherry. She'd be travelling with Cameron, get out of town before ATF can track her down. She gave her a warm hug and waved her off, moving over to Half Sack.

"You'll see her again y'know?" She murmured. "One day something will come up where she can get her shit cleared or get a new ID or something. She'll make it back to Charming."

"You think?"

"Yeah. I think you and her are too good together for anything other than that." Beth shrugged. "You want her for an old lady when that comes around?"

"Yeah... Yeah she's the one." Sack smiled, dropping his head low in embarrassment. Beth bumped him with her shoulder.

"Trust me. You'll be together again down the line. You'll see."

* * *

With Cherry and Cameron safe, Luanne in the clear and the news that Otto had shattered Stahl's face, the club was in high spirits. That was until the ATF bitch herself stormed into the club house, ordering everyone down onto the ground. Tig had instinctively pushed Baby behind himself as soon as the doors opened and so when Stahl arrested Bobby for the murder of Brenan Hefner she was able to quietly ask who the hell this Hefner guy was. Tig shook his head, muttering a later as she continued to watch what was happening around them. Beth did the same, yelling the word 'cunt' at Stahl when she saw her kick Gemma in the stomach. Oh she couldn't wait for the day they took this bitch down.

Church was called immediately after the cops filed out. Baby waited around, made sure Gemma was ok and when Jax left, followed by everyone else, she pulled Clay back inside and closed the doors. He sat back down in his chair, a tired look on his face. That thing she'd heard Jax say before popped into her mind. Ain't easy being king.

"I wanted to ask you something and I want you to take me seriously." She started. "I want to prospect, Clay. I grew up around this MC, I knew more than what you guys would tell me just by listening to you when you thought I wasn't. Then I ended up in an MC myself. I did time as prospect, I got fully patched, I followed my president and my VP and I made my own deals. I did time for my club. Since I've been back, I've helped as much as you've allowed me too. I didn't want to push myself into club shit, I knew you wouldn't appreciate it. But now... Look, I know that Samcro is all men and I know most other clubs would laugh in my face when I asked this but... I miss the life. You guys say all the time there ain't no way out of the MC except death. Hell, even Hobart couldn't bring himself to remove his ink."

"Baby-"

"I know, a woman in a man's club is unheard of but you are president and first nine of the original charter. If anyone could make a change like this it's you. And hell, if you say yes and I screw up as prospect, I'd expect to be kicked out. I know I'm asking alot here, Clay but-"

"When we've dealt with this ATF shit I'll bring it to church. You'd have to get a majority vote and someone would have to sponsor you. And we can't go easy cause you're the Baby."

"I wouldn't expect you to. Thank you, Clay."

"You're not prospect yet."

"But thank you for even considering it. I honestly didn't think you would."

* * *

Shit. Her excitement had been short lived when she realized that to get a majority vote she would need Jax to say yes. He would never ever agree to her being in the club. Ope would probably side with him too and Chibs was always so protective.

In a hopes she may still get the majority, she decided to ask what the others thought of the idea. Juice was the easiest yes, since he'd always agreed with Kip that she'd make a good prospect. He even offered to sponsor her if she got the vote. Happy was for it, telling her that she was a bad ass even if she looked like bubble gum barbie. She took it as a compliment.

She didn't manage to speak to the others as they had a hearing for Opie. Once he was cleared she waited outside for the man in question and her brother to head out for a smoke. Jax frowned at her, asking why she was being so quiet.

"Just been thinking." She sighed. "I might head back to Vegas. Restart the Maidens." It wasn't strictly a lie. If she didn't get this vote that was her plan. She didn't like to guilt trip her brother but she couldn't see any other way to get a yes out of him.

"Baby, we just got you back home."

"I know but I miss the MC life too much and Clay said to prospect with you guys I'd need the majority vote. I'm never gonna get that, am I?"

"Shit. Come with me." Jax tossed his half finished smoke on the ground, calling everyone into the clubhouse. As everyone gathered around Baby noticed that Tig seemed agitated but figured it was probably down to the latest ATF bullshit. "Baby prospecting for us. Honest opinions?" Again Juice and Happy said they were happy for her to join.

Clay said he saw the pro's and con's and couldn't decided which side he landed on. Chibs was protective but said he'd rather have her here and in trouble than in Vegas and in trouble. Piney and Ope were both surprisingly all for her joining. Tig laughed loudly saying he knew it wouldn't be long before she tried to wiggle her way in. He welcomed her.

"Baby, I don't want you back in Vegas. We all know it'd kill Gemma if you left now." Jax said and Baby hung her head a little. "But I also know that if Samcro ended I'd loose my mind... I vote yes."

All heads turned to Clay who was the only undecided vote. With a small smile he turned to Half Sack. "You better get a new cut made up. Size tiny should work."

"Thank you!" Baby jumped into her brothers arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek before she did the same to each of the men before Clay stood before her.

"You're bike needs respraying. Samcro bikes are black not purple." He said and Beth nodded, unable to keep the smile from her face. "And your first task as prospect... You can tell your mother."


	8. Someone said count your blessings now, 'fore they're long gone

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _Someone said count your blessings now, 'fore they're long gone_  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family_  
 **Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _3508 words._  
 **Title Song -**   _Who Knew - Pink_

 **A/n -**   _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

  
"You're what?"

"I'm... Prospecting?"

"Are you asking my permission or are you telling me it's a done deal?"

"They already voted me in. Half Sack's getting my cut done as we speak. Telling you was my first job."

Gemma leaned both hands on the kitchen island, staring at her youngest child. This was the last thing she expected when Baby first arrived back in charming. But with the I.M.M.C coming to town and Gloria sticking around for a while, she knew something would happen. She figured it would be more along the lines of Baby starting up her own female charter though, not prospecting for the boys.

But Baby had already proved just how tough she was in Vegas. And it's not like she hadn't already killed a man before she was even eighteen. Clay had told her that Baby had offered to castrate the man that raped Oswald's daughter. If there was ever a women who could throw down with the men of Samcro, it was Princess Teller.

"I suppose trying to talk you out of this would be a waste of breath, huh?"

"Complete waste." Baby nodded, trying to fight the smile from breaking out on her face. Gemma was accepting it, she could already tell.

"Well you make sure you do what the guys tell you and you only get into the trouble that they get in themselves. No extra bullshit, ok?"

"Yes mother."

"Don't call me mother. You make me sound like some haggard old bitch."

* * *

  
That night, there was a small celebration for the occasion, just the local charter and a few Nomad's that were still hanging around. And of course the usual crow eaters. Baby was surprised at how the girls suddenly seemed more willing to talk to her. She guessed it was because she was no longer just another woman in their way of whichever Son they were interested in. Hell, one of the girls even hit on her. She was one of the typical crow's, all blonde and boobs and little to no clothing. Even so, Baby was tempted. The girl was still pretty despite the trashy outfit and she had been fun to talk to all night.

But just as she leaned in to kiss her, Baby felt a burning gaze on the side of her head and when she flicked her eyes to the side she saw Tig and Jax watching her. Tig seemed curious, almost like he was anticipating some hot girl on girl action. Jax just had a curious look on his face, wondering if there were certain parts of the last six years that Baby had still kept quiet about. Baby turned her down and gently guided her toward Juice who was more than happy to entertain her.

And luckily so because not even a minute later Clay emerged from the Chapel, calling everyone's attention as he officially declared that Baby was a new prospect. Chibs stepped forward, smiling at her.

"Some of you's might be wondering what on earth made us want a woman in a man's club. And rightfully so, it's been men since the first nine. But le'me tell you something, alright? Beth Teller, Baby Teller, Princess Teller... Whatever name you know her as, is the toughest little lady any of us have ever come to know. She's been through some of the worst shite ye couldnae even imagine and handled it by herself. She's already been part of an incredible MC, may the Iron Maiden's legacy live on-" Gloria whooped from somewhere amongst the crowd earning a loud laugh from everyone there. "And since she's come home, she has already been doing as a prospect does so it's about damn time we made it official, aye?"

He turned to Piney who handed over a folded over leather cut and Baby felt the skip in her heart as her eyes fell upon it.

"Now, we did make a little difference to our usual prospect cut. We figured it was only appropriate."

Chibs held the jacket up high so everyone could see the large prospect patch on the bottom of the back. Usually the patch was black writing on a white background but this one was stitched in a candyfloss pink text. Baby laughed loudly, clapping her hands together. Of course they would've done that. Chibs held it open and Baby turned her back to him, slipping her arms through the holes and zipping it up as soon as it was on. She looked up at Gemma who was leaning against the wall with a fond smile. Baby held up her arms as if to say 'well?' Gemma nodded and that was all she needed for Baby to be beaming.

"From now on, that cut never leaves you." Jax spoke with a proud smile as he looked at his baby sister.

"Give us a twirl, princess." Someone shouted and so of course, Baby span in a circle, running her hand along her sides, feeling the leather beneath her fingertips.

"To the new prospect!" Chibs shouted, raising up a glass. Everyone toasted and resumed their partying. "Welcome to the family darlin'." Chibs wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her hair. "Now let's get smashed, aye?"

* * *

  
And boy did they. The noise of someone cleaning woke her up, surprisingly, and caused the subtle thudding in her head to escalate to a full hammering. Opening her eyes with a groan she found herself curled up on the floor beneath the pool table. She grimaced as she placed her hand on the sticky floor and crawled out, standing and stretching her aching limbs.

"Morning Sack." She yawned, spotting him with a trash bag behind the bar. "Suppose I should be helping you, huh?"

"You should probably get some aspirin first. Then see who's awake and if they want coffee. That's what I normally do."

"On it."

So she'd be doing bitch work for a while. She'd done it before and she could handle doing it again. Heading toward the kitchen she stopped at the door, spotting the crow eater that hit on her before coming down the hall as she pulled on her shirt. Baby asked who she spent the night with and got the short, snippy answer of 'Tig, that fucking asshole' before she stormed out. There was a twinge of pain in her stomach but she ignored it, instead heading straight for Tig's room and knocking gently on the door before popping her head in.

"Morning Tigger." She smiled, spotting him just heading to the bathroom in only his underwear. She forced her eyes to focus on his face and not to linger. "Coffee?"

"You're the best, doll face."

"Tell me something I don't know."

She enjoyed hearing his laughter as she headed back to the kitchen, brewing up a pot of coffee whilst she made herself a tea. She left the coffee for people to help themselves but took Tig his own cup, taking her tea with her. He was still in the bathroom and so she set his cup on the dresser and took a seat on the edge of the bed. The sheets were still messy from whatever Tig and he crow had been up to last night... Or that morning. Again, she pushed it from her mind.

When he finally emerged he was fully dressed, picking up his coffee and sitting beside her without a word. She watched him for a second, his profile as he inhaled the scent from his cup before taking a sip. He was being quiet and it wasn't like him. Frankly, it worried her. Wondering if it was something to do with why the crow was upset, she opened her mouth.

"So why was the blonde calling you an asshole this fine morning?"

"Hm?" He frowned for a second until she gestured vaguely at the messy bed sheets. "Oh, right. That. I told her to get out."

"Did you say it nicely?"

"I said ' _I love you now get out_ '." He shrugged and Beth scoffed and shook her head.

"Have you ever said that and meant it?" She asked, suddenly more interested in staring down at her tea instead of meeting his ever intense blue gaze. "You know? The I, L, U, thing?"

"My first wife. My kids."

He was staring at her but she didn't dare lift her head. She had too much of a hangover to deal with his smirk and flirty taunts. But he went quiet, still staring until he drained his coffee and stood up, placing the empty cup back on the dresser. He made for the door, grabbing his cut from the hook but he stopped, turning back to her, now that she was looking up at him. In two strides he was towering over her and she had to tilt her head right back to just keep eye contact.

Slowly he reached forward, brushing the tips of his fingers along her jawline before he stooped forward, holding the back of her neck and pressing the softest of kisses to her lips. She didn't kiss back. She was too shocked to even blink as he pulled away, looked her over once more and then left, leaving the door open behind him.

She waited until she heard the rumble of his bike before she moved. She picked up his empty cup and took it to the kitchen to clean it. There was something wrong. He was never ever this quiet. The Tig she knew would've made some joke about her wanting to hear the words from him and if he had kissed her it wouldn't have been the second-guessing-himself brush of the lips that she received moments ago. It would've been needy, passionate and heated. Just like the man himself. There was something going on in that head of his but she wouldn't push him on it. Tig wasn't the type of man who opened up when pushed, but rather closed up tighter than before, became un-penetrable. When Tig wanted to talk, he would come to her in his own time.

* * *

  
She spent the day helping Sack clean the clubhouse whilst the rest of the guys were taking care of business. Once the cleaning was done she set up some sheets in the garage and set to work stripping the purple paint, taping up certain parts of her bike and then spraying it a matte black. Whilst she left it to dry she got a ride from Piney back to her place so she could get ready for Jax's 'welcome home Abel' party that evening.

It took her a little while to decide but once she had showered off the paint that had found it's way onto her skin, she chose her outfit for the night. A simple black skater skirt with a black tank top that read ' _cry baby_ ' in pink lettering. She figured it was ironic and would get a laugh from some of the guys. She found out her favorite pink leather jacket and slipped her cut over the top. The black leather of the cut with the pink leather sleeves and lapels peaking out from beneath looked awesome, if she did say so herself. Some black thigh high socks and pink creepers and she was set. Her hair was in soft curls, her make up a neutral toned smoky eye and matte lip and she wore a simple choker and bracelet set she had owned for years.

It was always nice to have a reason to get dressed up a little, even amidst the ATF chaos and Bobby's incarceration. With a quick spritz of perfume she was skipping down the stairs to wake up Piney who had fallen asleep on her sofa waiting for her. He took her back to her bike which was completely dry, Happy having finished taking off the tape and giving it a quick once over with the polishing cloth. She thanked the tattooed man and then headed to Jax's house to welcome her little nephew home.

* * *

  
"He ready for his first brewski?"

Baby laughed as Clay held his beer up towards Abel who seemed more than content in his dad's arms, surrounded by the family that would always be there to protect him, even when he reached his dad's age. It was a warm feeling that settled in her stomach as she watched Jax with Abel, cooing at him, smiling over at Wendy who looked much happier out of that damn hospital bed.

But the feeling would disperse any time she looked over at Tig or tried to talk to him. He wouldn't look at her and she could only get one word answers from him. She knew it was nothing she had done, if it was he would be telling her exactly what's what, that's just how he handled things. No, this was something different. Something serious. She'd never in all her life seen him so distracted.

Once again deciding he'd come to her when he was ready, she went over for a cuddle with her nephew. She sat beside Donna who hadn't stopped cooing over him all night, occasionally looking at her own kids and husband. Wendy came to sit on the arm of the sofa, brushing her fingers over her sons cheek. And of course Grandma Gemma was close by, fingers twitching to hold the new Teller again.

"Told ye' he'd be the one that made you want t' stay." Chibs smiled from across the room.

"Yeah, yeah, old man. You were right, don't look so smug."

"Oi, less o' the old man."

The girls chuckled, Wendy and Jax exchanging happy smiles. It was nice to see them smiling at each other, Baby had expected more animosity but she guessed that was probably coming in abundance from her mother. Just as she was about to hand Abel over to Gemma, Tara headed over to Jax, kissing him deeply. Baby shook her head, knowing exactly what that display was for.

"You know for someone who's so full of herself she's super tacky." Beth murmured as her brother lead his new/old girl from the room. Donna snorted at her side and Gemma took Abel into her arms. "If it's any consolation, you'll always be my favorite, Wendy Shine." That was a nickname from Baby's childhood, from the first time she met Wendy who had been wearing sequin booty shorts at the time.

"Wendy Shine? Haven't heard that name since you came to visit when you were...  _What_ , like ten?"

Beth winked and laughed, heading into the kitchen to grab herself a drink and ending up in a lengthy conversation with one of the clubhouse regulars. She had limited herself to one beer and then switched to soda. Drinking heavily two nights in a row would give her palpitations again and she wasn't in the mood for that. Sack arrived at some point, replacing the girl she'd been talking to and wearing a ridiculous smirk on his face.

"So... You seem to have taken up Tig watching."

"You're drunk."

"You have a crush."

"Jesus H Christ on a bike... You sound like my mother." Beth rolled her eyes with a huff but Half Sack merely chuckled at her.

"So she's noticed too. Aww. Baby and Tigger. Now that's a match made in hell."

"Hey, asshole!" She laughed, unable to stop herself. "If you want to go another round in the ring then keep talking."

* * *

  
Later that night, not long after she, Donna and Wendy had helped Gemma clear everything up, Baby finally noticed that Tig had disappeared without her even noticing. Something was really off with him. Not long after Donna had left, Baby followed, giving Gemma and Wendy each a kiss on the cheek.

A short while on her journey, she noticed flashing lights from down the street. Frowning when she saw Opie's truck she pulled over to the side of the road in a panic. The cops wouldn't let her past the tape and so she couldn't see who was under the cover.

"Hey! Hale!" She shouted and the deputy gestured for her to be let through. "Please tell me it's not Opie."

"It's Donna."

"Is she-" Hale nodded, his usual air of smug arrogance no longer present in the face of a tragedy. "Oh  _shit_."

Baby moved back away from the scene, pulling out her phone to call Jax. She told him to get there as soon as he could and thankfully, he was just a block away. But Opie was with him and the rest of the boys were not far behind. Watching Opie, a man who had been like a brother to her, fall apart when he saw his dead wife laying on the cold ground took the breath from her lungs. She wanted to go to him and offer some form of comfort but what would help a man who had just lost the love of his life.

She forced her tears to remain unshed, she could cry all she liked when she was home alone but right now Opie needed everyone else's strength. She turned to look at the others, let Jax pick his brother up from the floor. Chibs wrapped his arms around her shoulders, whispered to her to go back to Jax's and tell Gemma what had happened. She nodded, telling him she'll go to the clubhouse after. He kissed the top of her head and sent her away. As she passed Clay she let him know where she was going and he thanked her, his voice quieter than usual. She tried to catch Tig's eye but he was staring down at his boots. Instead she reached out for his arm, squeezed it once and then moved for her bike.

Back at Jax's, Gemma and Wendy were sat having what seemed to be a calm and civilized conversation and Baby hated that this news would break it, ruin what had been such a perfect evening.

"Hey honey." Gemma smiled. "What are you doing back?" She frowned, taking in the pale face and fingers fidgeting with her sleeves. "What's happened?"

"Donna." Baby murmured. "Shot. She's dead."

"Oh my god."

Wendy leaned forward, bracing her elbows on her knees as Gemma enveloped her daughter, kissing her hairline and holding her close for a long moment. None of them said anything else, Gemma went to make tea and Baby wondered off into Abel's room, finding that watching him sleeping calmed her racing pulse. She wasn't sure how long she had been stood there but it wasn't until Jax wrapped his arms around her from behind and asked her to make sure Gemma got home safe that she moved.

She did as he asked, following behind her mum's car until she was home, watching Clay meet her at the door and wave her away with a nod of thanks. She went straight back to the clubhouse to do what was her new job. Make sure everyone was ok. When everyone else was fine, she could go home and mourn for her friend.

And most everyone was. Sad and hurt of course, the guys that were there were drinking at the bar. She kissed Chibs on his cheek and decided that given the late time, she would just crash at the clubhouse. However, as she headed to find an empty room, she heard a crash come from Tig's usual room. Frowning, she knocked once before heading inside. The room was empty and dark but the bathroom light was on and the door open a crack.

"Tig? Is that you?" When there was no answer she stepped forward and pushed open the door. Tig had blood running down the side of his face, staring at himself in the broken remains of the smashed mirror. "Oh Jesus. Tiggy, come on. Come with me."

She took his hand and pulled him to the bed, sitting him down and flicking on the bedside lamp before moving to find the first aid kit. She knew there was something wrong. Really, really wrong. She pulled out a cotton ball, tipping on some antiseptic fluid and reaching to clean the wound but Tig's large hand shot up to catch her wrist. A quiet ' _don't_ ' came from his lips followed by a ' _please_ '. She shoved the kit away, maneuvering their hands so she was holding one of his between both of hers and sitting close beside him on the bed.

"What's going on, Alex?"

His blue eyes finally met hers at the use of his real name and then without a moment of warning, he ducked his head and pressed himself to her chest. She didn't realize he was crying until she felt him take a great shuddering breath, his arms encircling her, hands clinging to her jacket. She managed to shift them both towards the centre of the bed, keeping him close to her and running her fingers through his hair.

"Please don't go." He whispered through his tears. "Please."

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, I've got you."


	9. Putting my defenses up, cause I don't wanna fall in love

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _Putting my defenses up, cause I don't wanna fall in love_  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family_  
 **Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _4220 words._

 **Title Song -**  Heart Attack - Demi Lovato

 **A/n -**  When I posted the last chapter I didn't even realise it was Christmas Day already for some people... So, uh... Happy Christmas I guess? Lmao! xxx

* * *

Beth didn't really sleep that night. A mixture of Opie's face, Donna's body and Tig's breakdown swirling around her mind. She planned to visit Opie later, just to check on him. At the very least she could offer his mum some help if she needed it. But first, she needed to deal with the man still lay against her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair, knowing full well he was already awake. And no doubt had a pounding headache thanks to the gash he had given himself.

"It was me."

He spoke in barely a whisper but she caught it. For a moment she merely frowned up at the ceiling, trying to decipher what that meant. And then the penny dropped. Donna. She sat up abruptly, pushing him from her and standing from the bed. How quiet he'd been for the last few days, the timid kiss, the one word answers, refusing to look at anyone on the street last night, not letting her fix his wound...

"You killed Donna." Her stomach churned when he nodded, eyes downcast. " _Why_?"

"We found a wire in Ope's car, bug in his cell... Stahl made him out to be a rat. We thought-"

"You thought he'd betrayed us so you had to kill him. Except he wasn't in the damn truck, Donna was."

"Yeah..."

She paced the room, fists clenching, occasionally glancing at Tig, still sat in the middle of the bed. Most of the blood on his face had dried up and rubbed off during the night. His eyes were dark, the circles beneath telling her he hadn't slept either. There were unshed tears in his eyes as he watched her feet move across the room. He wasn't sure what scared him more. What his brothers would do if they found out, Opie especially, or if Beth started to hate him now. Without even intending to he had fallen for her. She had walked back into Charming and right into his heart. He wasn't even sure if she knew how she made him feel.

She headed into the bathroom, washing her face with cold water and thinking things over without the sorry sight of him hindering her thought process. Initially, she wanted to hit him and then find Opie and tell him the truth. But then she thought about who's fault this really was. Tig was just doing his job within the club. The instruction would've been given by Clay. But he wasn't to blame either, not really. Stahl was the one who had taken Opie, Donna and the kids. She was the one that fabricated this whole thing to look like Opie had turned his back on the club. If anyone was going to be blamed, it should be her.

And she knew MC rules. When the Maidens were locked up and they realized that Queenie had turned rat, they all knew what had to be done. It took some time and alot of deals were made and favors owed, but they got Queenie out of protective custody. Her deal got her just ten months inside. She had been in for eight of them when the Maidens got her locked in the kitchen. MC justice was violent and cruel and it was the first time that Baby had killed for anything other that self defense. It was a personal rule of hers that murder had to be justified. Killing for the sake of killing might suit some clubs but not theirs. Queenie was found the following morning, the broken blade of a homemade shiv lodged into her throat.

Emerging from the bathroom, Beth stooped to pick up the first aid kit and sit beside Tig, gesturing for him to move closer. He did so, watching her closely as she began to clean and dress the cut on his head. She didn't speak as she worked, letting herself calm down before she opened her mouth.

"That kiss yesterday... Was that because you knew you were about to kill one of my friends and felt guilty or..."

"I was going to tell you about it when you came in with the coffee. I kinda hoped you'd talk me out of it, tell me to wait until we knew for certain or something."

"Why didn't you?"

"I'm the Sergeant at Arms, Baby. It's my job to take care of this stuff."

"Not if you're unsure." She closed up the first aid kit, dropping onto the bedside table before turning to take Tig's hands in her much smaller ones. She ran her thumb across his many rings with a sigh. "Sometimes I think Clay could ask you to do just about anything and you'd do it."

"It's my job."

" _You are not his lap dog, Tig_!" She closed her eyes, not having meant to raise her voice. "Your loyalty should be to Samcro not Clay. You should only follow his orders if it's for the best of the club. If you found a wire in Opie's car, that information should've been taken to the table for everyone to decide what to do. I might be new to the Sons but I know damn well that killing a rat is a club decision, not just the presidents."

"I know. I'm sorry... We handled it wrong but I can't take that back now. Donna's dead and if Opie finds out-"

"He won't." Beth shook her head. "It would just end in more death." She paused, still holding onto his hands as she looked into his eyes. "Tig, you never told me why you kissed me."

"I- I don't know." He pulled his hands away and stood up, taking up her previous post of pacing the floor. "I know your past but you look like the picture of innocence with your pink and your big eyes and your smile... You have no idea how you make me feel do you?"

"Tell me."

"I want you, Beth." He confessed, kneeling in front of her and clasping their hands together in her lap. "I want to call you mine, kiss you when I want, keep you close to me... When crow eaters come to me I want to tell them that I got a girl. The cute one with the pink hair in leather and lace." He smiled, mostly to himself as he looked down at their hands. "But I shouldn't have kissed you." He stood again, running a hand over his face. "I'd ruin you."

"Alex, look at me." Beth stood toe to toe with him, looking up into his sad eyes. "Shit has happened and more shit will come. But I've always found the best way up shit creek is with good people by your side and you are good people Tig. You've done bad things but, fuck, who hasn't? I'm going to keep this to myself and so are you. So will Clay. We'll go to the funeral, we'll help Opie mourn and we'll do any damn thing he needs us to do. If he needs revenge then we find him some random scumbag and blame it on him. If this lands on the club, Samcro ceases to exist."

"I can't ask you to-"

"You didn't. But if you want me, Tig, then we gotta be in the shit together. That's the only way it works."

* * *

Maybe deciding to stick by Tig and keep this secret was the wrong decision but Baby had made lots of wrong decisions before, so what was one more? It was in that mindset that she stopped by her mothers house, figuring that she probably had some idea of the truth. And she did, Clay had had his own breakdown that morning too apparently.

"So what do I do?" Beth cradled a mug of hot tea in her hands, sleeves pulled over her fingers, a tell tale sign that there was something on her mind. "You're the matriarch around here, if anyone has an answer I figure it's you."

"It depends." Gemma lit up a cigarette, not bothering to offer one to Beth. "How do you feel about him? And I don't just mean as a member of the club."

"Tig?" Baby looked away from Gemma's all knowing gaze. "I don't really know... He thinks he'll ruin me. Told me this morning that he wants me to be his but that he shouldn't have kissed me." Gemma raised an eyebrow at this but remained silent. "I don't think he will. I think I was ruined a long time ago before I even had a chance. And I know Tig's past, I know the things he's done and what he's capable of but... He makes me feel like I'm worth a damn. I've never seen myself as a hottie, especially growing up with a babe like you for a mum." She laughed. "And all the crow eaters with the huge tits and perfect asses... I just felt kinda like everyone's kid sister, y'know. But when I came back and I saw the way Tig was looking at me now I'm grown up... It feels good to know someone wants you that way. And I know Tig's kind of a slut but there's something about the way he spoke this morning..." She sipped her tea as she thought about his words. "He said he wanted to be able to tell the crows that he already had a girl."

"So? How do you feel?"

"I've never been in love before so if that's what you're asking, I haven't the foggiest." Beth pouted a little at her smirking mother.

"Oh honey... If you're questioning if you're in love with someone, that's usually a sign you're in love with them. The fact that you already told him that you'll keep his secret should've been obvious."

"I don't exactly have alot of experience with all this y'know. I didn't plan on falling for a man old enough to be my dad who also happens to be my step dad's closest friend."

"Yeah, I've seen your walls up." Gemma nodded, blowing out a puff of smoke. "You flirt and you play around but as soon as it gets a little serious you back off. What are you scared of?"

Beth's face fell at the question. She knew the answer but she'd never told anyone, not even Gloria who had been like a mother or Bunny who had been as good as a sister. She'd never once spoke aloud of her fears of rejection cause of her past. Tig knew all about what happened to her, saw her in the hospital, knew what had been done to her and the permanent damage it caused. How could any man possibly want a woman who had been destroyed in the worst possible way?

"I already said. I've never been in love." Beth lied, hoping her pause wasn't too long for Gemma to notice. "And I don't know if you've noticed but I'm not exactly the best at telling people how I feel."

"You're just guarded. It's not a bad thing. And the right person will get past you're defenses and help you through them." Gemma smiled, putting out her cigarette as she smiled at her youngest. "I'm ok with it y'know? You and Tig."

"Really? Kinda figured you'd hit the roof. God knows Clay will."

"Tell Clay that you have my blessing. If he has a problem he can come talk to me." She stood, pulling Baby up with her and wrapping her arms around her shoulders. "You're home now and that means you've got to get used to shit being sideways."

"Shits been sideways since the day I was born."

* * *

Listening to Piney talking about getting justice, finding Laroy and putting a bullet in his head, nearly made Beth second guess her decision to stay quiet about this. But from her seat beside Half Sack, behind Bobby and Jax, she caught a glimpse of Tig. She could see the guilt that was weighing heavy on him and knew she had to stand by him. She wasn't an idiot. She knew Opie was hurting far worse than any of them right now but other than words of condolence, there was nothing she could do for him. Telling him the truth wouldn't help, not now.

She hung around at the clubhouse, working the garage, cleaning here and there, whatever needed doing. Jax had been out and come back, a dark look on his face. Whilst he was sitting and smoking on one of the benches, Baby headed out to ask what else was wrong, besides the obvious. Tara was going back to Chicago. She had to bite her tongue to keep from cursing her out, she knew how Jax felt about her. Laying that shit on him the day after his best friends wife dies? Nice timing, Doc. Rather than telling Jax exactly what she thought about Tara, she told him to wait it out. Give her some time to think things over. It was generic advice but she figured it was better than 'leave the bitch, she's just gonna break your heart again'.

She took a lunch break and headed to Jax's house, knowing that Gemma was over there helping out Wendy. She played the role of Auntie for a little while, caught up with Wendy better than she could at the party. Wendy was convinced she was gonna persuade Jax to take another chance on her but Baby was doubtful that would ever happen. Unless Tara kept her word and went back to Chicago.

"Wendy, you're like a sister but I think you're better off out of this wack-a-doo family."

"Hey, I chose to marry into this wack-a-doo, remember?" Wendy laughed. "Besides, crazy is kinda my thing.

* * *

She arrived back at the clubhouse as Rosen was leaving. The boys were all talking, seemingly stressed about something else that had landed at their feet. As she got closer, Jax was placing his phone into his pocket.

"Piney went lookin' for Laroy." He said, heading out of the door.

"You want me to come with?" She called after him but he waved her off. "What did Rosen want?" She asked Tig and Clay, the only two remaining in the clubhouse.

"They're gonna call Opie in for line up tomorrow."

"But it's the funeral."

"Yeah. We're handling it. Come in here a sec." Clay placed a hand on her back, guiding her into chapel with Tig right behind him. Once the doors were closed he fixed her with a hard stare. "Tig told me that you know the truth."

"So does mum."

"That's some heavy information. Gemma's got years of experience handling the delicate stuff. What about you? What are you going to do?"

"You know Queenie? The one who gave the girls and I up for a reduced sentence?" Clay and Tig both nodded despite their matching frowns. "It fell on me to take care of her. Get her out of protective custody and take out the rat. I did it. No questions. I know how this shit works Clay, I'm not a kid anymore."

"I know that, sweetheart. But this is something that went way wrong."

"If Opie found out the truth he'd come storming in here, kill Tig, then he'd kill you and the club would fall apart. I'd loose Jax, the club, my whole damn family... So I'm going to follow in my mothers footsteps and stand by my man." Clay nodded and Baby didn't miss the smile on Tig's face at her final words.

"Wait... I'm sorry, your man?" Clay looked between the two but Beth held up a hand.

"Mum's already given her blessing and said if you have a problem then go speak to her."

"She-" Clay clenched his fists on the table top. "How long?"

"We've barely even kissed."

" _How long_?"

"This morning." Tig answered watching his brother closely. Clay stood and marched forward, toe to toe with the curly haired man.

"You hurt her and-"

"She'll castrate me." Tig nodded, a faint smirk briefly alighting his eyes. "I'm more scared of her than you, brother."

"And so you should be." Beth smiled. "So what are we doing about Opie's line up?"

* * *

She went with Clay and Tig to see Trammel, find out about the safe house that this witness was being held in. She stood a little ways back, knowing it was her place as Prospect just to be there for back up. And she did the same when they headed to Elliott Oswald's, although that was more due to the horses that were around.

"You've got to be kidding." Juice chuckled, reaching up to pat the horses neck as Baby gave the thing a wide birth. "Things you've done and you're scared of a pony."

"You know how easy it is for one of those things to trample someone who's barely over five foot?" She grimaced. "And look at it eyes, man! It's like it knows exactly what I'm thinking. Fuckin'  _hate_  horses."

"You're a weird kid, Baby."

"Shut your mouth, sunshine." Beth poked at his chest, right over where he had the very words tattooed but it did nothing to quell his laughter.

Not too long later, as they all waited for Oswald to return to them, Baby noticed Clay pull Tig in close to him. She took a step closer but Clay met her eyes over Tig's shoulder and held up a hand to wave her off. She nodded, leaning back against the fence and just hoped that Tig would be able to keep it together at least until after the funeral tomorrow. When they all headed back to their bikes to leave, she manged to catch his hand and give what she hoped was a squeeze of reassurance. He fell into step with her, a little way behind the others with a teasing smile.

"So, you do worry about me, huh?"

She laughed and bumped him with her shoulder but remained silent. She felt awful for wishing it, but she hoped that this mess would be forgotten soon and things could go back to normal. Whatever the hell normal was for them.

* * *

Beth had asked to help take care of this witness problem but Clay had given her a firm no. Tig told her he'd be fine, he needed to do this. And she could almost understand it. But this witness hadn't done anything inherently wrong. They just did what they thought was the right thing. Clay said they were just going to press them into changing their statement but she wasn't an idiot. She knew the witness was going to die, that was clear. And she hated just sitting around the clubhouse, unable to do anything about it. But she swore she'd stand by Tig and so she busied herself with wiping down the bar and the tables.

She saw Jax come in and head into Chapel, sitting in a stony silence. She watched him for a moment, wondering what was going through his head. She knew her brother though and she knew he wouldn't say a word until he was good and ready. Men and their never ending need to brood. After he had spoken to Clay and stormed out, Clay finally sent her to the safe house. That's where Jax was going. The witness was only seventeen years old.

She cursed practically her entire journey there, quickly hopping off her bike and running into the house, right on Jax's heels. However she wasn't quick enough to stop him from pulling a gun on Tig.

"Put it down, or I will put a bullet in your temple."

"You think you got the balls to do that?"

"Think about this." She spoke lowly, flinching at the glare her brother shot her. She stepped around him, place a hand on Tig's shoulder. "Put the gun down." Tig's head twitched slightly to the side, frowning at her. "Doesn't have to be done this way. No more innocent deaths, yeah?"

"All right." Tig dropped his arm and Jax mirrored him, turning to point at Chibs, Happy and Beth.

"You three, get out of here."

"This wasn't the plan."

"You think this through."

"Go home, now."

Reluctantly, Baby let Chibs pull her from the house. He asked what was going on but she feigned ignorance. Gave the excuse that Jax would never kill an innocent seventeen year old girl. She said she was going to hang back, just in case anything else went tits up. When Happy and Chibs were gone she crouched around the side of the house, out of view of anyone who could potentially pass by.

A while later, when she saw Jax emerge from the house she jumped up and caught his arm only for him to snatch it away, pointing his finger in her face and backing her up against the wall.

"You knew." He accused. "You knew and you said nothing."

"I only found out this morning, Jax." She gently placed her hands on his chest, trying to push him back from her. She'd never been scared of her brother, she knew he'd never hurt her but he was good at intimidation. "Jax, you have to understand, this isn't on Tig or even Clay."

"How blind can you be?"

"Tig was doing his job. Clay was doing what the rest of you would've voted for if you thought Opie was a rat. If you want to hurt someone that go look for that ATF bitch Stahl. She was the one who put in the wires. She was the one who took Opie from his house along with his whole family. She was the one who fabricated this whole damn thing and she is the reason those kids don't have a mum anymore!"

"You better get your head on straight and pick a side." Jax pulled away and headed to his bike.

"I'm on Samcro's side!" She called after him but it was no use, the sound of the bike engine drowned her words out.

Realizing that Tig still hadn't come out of the house, Beth headed in, finding him kneeling on the floor and leaning his elbows on one of the dining chairs. She slipped her arms around him, helping him to sit down on the chair, tilting his head back by his chin so she could look at his face.

"Couldn't have picked a better time to come home and join the club, could I?"She joked and Tig smiled, wincing at the pain in his face. "Stay here, I'm gonna clean this shit show up and then we'll go back to the clubhouse and I'll clean you up."

"You didn't have to come back for me." He said as she began clearing up any evidence of their having been there, save for the dead bodies. She'd leave those for Happy. "You should've gone home with the others."

She stopped what she was doing, marching back until she was standing directly in front of him. She pulled his chin till he was looking at her again, stooping forward to capture his lips. It wasn't timid like before and this time they kissed each other rather than it being one sided. She could taste blood on his lips from his fight but it didn't deter her and when she pulled back and had it smeared on her chin, he wasn't put off.

"I told you I'd stand by you. I always keep my word."

* * *

Beth couldn't remember the last time she had dressed in all black. Her cut felt heavy that morning as she slipped it on over her dress but somewhere in the back of her mind she could remember the Maidens, remember that when you commit to an MC, there would always be times like this. Riding in with the guys for the funeral reminded her exactly why she committed herself to the club, to the family.

She stood between Tig and Gemma for the service, surprised when Tig openly held her hand. Clay and Gemma were the only ones who knew about them so far and she had figured that with the way things were it'd remain that way for a while. Clearly Tig didn't give a shit who knew and despite the setting, she felt pride as she felt the cool metal of his rings against her fingers.

Her breath hitched when she saw Jax approach, looking down the line of his family, his eyes lingering on Opie. Tara stood, taking him his cut and kissing him deeply. She bit back a snide remark, pursing her lips instead. At least she and Tig were behind Opie, they weren't openly flaunting their romance in his face whilst he buried his dead wife. Tara needed to make up her mind and choose, Jax and Charming, or Chicago and her career. And most of all she needed to get her head out of her ass.

She had expected Jax to sit beside Opie, help him with this, but instead he turned on his heel and left. Glancing at Gemma she saw the look of worry, maybe fear, in her eyes. There was the beginning of a tear within Samcro and if they didn't mend it soon it would split them right down the middle and Beth didn't know where her feet would land if that happened.


	10. Oh baby, baby, it's fuck time. You know I really wanna make you mine.

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _Oh baby, baby, it's fuck time. You know I really wanna make you mine._  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family_  
 **Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _4261 words._

 **Title Song -**   _Fuck Time  - Green Day_

 **A/n -**   _Season two here we go!_  
 _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

After Donna's funeral, Beth sat down to think long and hard about what she wanted for her future. Clay had decided he was ok with her and Tig's relationship so long as it didn't interfere with club business and of course they both promised that it wouldn't. One thing she had decided for herself was to take this thing with Tig slow. She was still scared of so many things when it came to a relationship and she just knew that throwing herself in head first would end in disaster. But she told him outright that she wasn't about to jump into bed with him and if that's all he wanted her for than he could go back to the crows. And in true Tig fashion he silenced her with a kiss and said his dick will be ready when she is. She nearly punched him in it just to wipe the cocky smirk off his face.

She was still doing her job as prospect, as was Half Sack. She was glad to have Sack around to do the grunt work with. He had been her friend when she was sixteen, when he was still too nervous to ask to join Samcro. And now that they spent so much time together, they only grew closer. Another thing she decided she wanted for herself, was to make the most of any time she spent with her family. Loosing Donna after the disbanding of her old MC just cemented the knowledge of how easy it is to loose what you love. And so she always made sure to take plenty of pictures to get printed and put into her picture box that had been neglected since she got back to Charming.

She even made the drive down to Anaheim to visit Emily and the twins for their fifth birthday party. Emily had laughed loudly when she saw the Samcro cut that Beth was wearing but was seemingly unsurprised. Belle and Ariel begged their mum to let them dye their hair pink and after nearly an hour of their pleading, Baby promised that she would bring down a pink spray next time she visited. Sure, it would wash right out but it'd appease them for a few hours. And it gave her an excuse to visit again.

One person she had yet to spend more time with was Opie. He'd taken off to go Nomad for a while after the funeral and she honestly couldn't blame him. Everyone was reeling after Donna's death, for various reasons, but Opie needed that time alone to get his head around everything. Piney and Mary were taking care of his kids, Gemma and herself pitching in whenever they were needed. She hoped that when Opie got back they could finally lay this to rest and move on.

But she knew that wouldn't happen. Jax was still furious about the whole thing. Sure he was keeping up appearances whenever anybody else was around but she could see the anger burning beneath the surface. It wouldn't be long before it bubbled up and erupted. Opie was going to find out the truth eventually, it was inevitable. She just hoped to whatever God was out there that he would've had enough time to deal with this to take a second and think before he started shooting.

For now though, there was one thing to look forward to. Bobby was being released. Opie would be back anytime soon too, rejoining the charter and so Beth found herself preparing the clubhouse for the evenings festivities whilst Half Sack went on a gun run with the rest of the boys. She kinda wished she could have traded places with him, there was something so attractive about Tig when he rolled up his sleeves and started shooting.

* * *

When the boys eventually arrived back, she noticed her brother talking to Piney and decided to get him on one side before Church. She lightly grabbed his wrist, pulling him over to one of the benches. Things between them had been pretty uncomfortable since that night at the witness' house.

"Jax, I get why you're pissed at me right now but you have to understand why saying something now would be dumb."

"Donna's death is on Clay." He sighed. "But I'm making sure that doesn't come out until the right time."

"When the hell is the right time?"

"When Opie isn't going to shoot him without a second thought. Saying something now won't get us anywhere, I'm with you on that. And I get why you're protecting, Tig. It's his job. But Clay should've brought the whole thing to the table."

"I know that. I said that to Tig but their relationship runs deep, Jax. You don't just split them apart that easy." She glanced over to the man in question, smoking a cigarette with Chibs across the lot. "You haven't seen what this whole mess is doing to him."

"Have you seen what it's doing to Ope?"

"I'm not a complete idiot." She frowned. "My heart goes out to him, it really does but this situation isn't just a simple black and white. There's alot of angles you need to look at before you make the decision to blow the lid off this."

"Exactly why I'm not saying anything yet. For Opie's sake. Piney and Hale know to keep it to themselves for now too."

"How long do you think Piney can hold out for?"

"For his son? As long as we need him to." He made to move inside but Baby caught his wrist again.

"And us?" She asked. "I miss my brother, Jax."

"We're good." He nodded, pulling her in for a hug and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Just keep your head straight."

* * *

Even Baby couldn't deny that listening to Clay offer his condolences to Opie in Church felt wrong. She could see Opie's face from her place behind Jax but couldn't bring herself to hold eye contact. Trying to pass this off as the Mayans made her stomach flip. Going after one of their's would ruin the relationship they'd built up with them, the war that had just been halted would kick start and death would surround the club again.

Given that the club was clean and the bar stocked, ready for Bobby's return that evening Baby had nothing to do whilst the boys were gone to get 'revenge' other than sit and worry about them. She knew that Tig, Chibs, Jax and Ope were perfectly capable and would have each others backs but that didn't stop her front wanting to be right there with them so she could see first hand that they were fine. She had always been the same with the Maidens, finding it difficult to pick which task she would be a part of since it meant choosing some of her family to leave alone without her back up.

Of course you don't become a patched member if you can't handle it but she got her protective nature from her mother, something that had her wondering why Gemma hadn't collapsed from stress years ago.

* * *

Later that evening the clubhouse and the parking lot was full of club members, old lady's and close friends of the club, all gathered to see the release of Bobby. Despite the other chaos, Baby was happy. Her friend was coming home, she was surrounded by love and she didn't have to hide her feelings for Tig, who was getting more and more frisky with each beer he finished despite being a long way off drunk.

When a car pulled up into the lot she at first thought that it was Bobby, until a bunch of men climbed out. She followed close to Tig who was right at his presidents side as the men spoke.

"We feel it would be best for all concerned if you stop dealing arms to the One Niners and the Mayans." Everyone around Clay shared snorting laughter at this guys comment.

"I don't even know what you're talking about. We're just mechanics and Harley lovers."

"And I see you let little girls join up now." He looked down at Baby's short form, smirking when she reached for the switch blade she kept in her leather garter belt. Tig held up a hand to halt her as he nodded to a man in the back of the strangers group.

"That's one of Darby's guys back there." He noted.

"Mr. Darby is one of our supporters."

"Mm. Expensive car. Hell of a suit. All your teeth. Must be the top of the Aryan food chain, huh?"

"What you do for a living is between you and your maker. I'm not here to adjust your moral compass. This is just a reality check. You're a criminal and you're done selling guns to color." Now Tig lost his cool, cocking a gun. "Are you gonna shoot me, Mr. Trager? With all these witnesses?"

"Look, uh, I don't know what Darby told you and, uh, I don't know what your angle is, but let me be real clear. Nobody threatens SAMCRO. And nobody tells us what we can and can't do. Black, brown or white. So, why don't you just climb back into your little German clown car and drive back to Nazi town? 'Cause the next time you piss all over my shoes, he will kill you. I don't give a shit how many witnesses there are."

"My shop opens in a few weeks. Until then... enjoy."

"What a prick." Baby sighed as Tig wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her away as the group dispersed. "You cooled off, cowboy?"

"Says little miss switchblade." Tig smirked, climbing to sit on the railing and pulling her to stand between his legs. "You really should get something bigger than that."

"Bigger, huh?" She giggled. "How much bigger do you think I should have, Trager?"

"Don't tease me, Baby. It's not nice."

Before she could say anything more another car pulled into the lot, this time met with cheers, hoots and hollers. Bobby was home. Beth skipped over to greet him, pulling him in for a tight hug. When he pulled away he glanced down at her prospect patch, shaking his head with a laugh.

"Didn't take long. Welcome to the family, Baby girl." He hugged her again, kissing her cheek this time before he moved to Tig who warned him off 'his girl' the words bringing up a flush on Baby's cheeks. "Your girl? Jesus, how long was I gone?"

"Too damn long! It's good to have you back, brother." Tig laughed loudly, slapping Bobby on the shoulder before guiding him inside to the bar to get him a drink.

The night went on in high spirits, Gemma leaving to take care of the kids, Jax stopping by briefly to see Bobby... It was nice to forget the bad shit, just for a night. Baby drank a little and danced alot. Mainly with the crow eaters but she managed to grab some of the boys for a song or two. She danced with Tig, him telling her about hard she was making him right in front of everybody and she reminded him that he wasn't getting any, any time soon. He laughed and reminded her that he was cool with that, he had his own hands for now anyway.

It had surprised her, that sex crazed Tig Trager was so ok with her not wanting to have sex with him right from the word go. Of course, there was a part of her that was scared she'd make him wait too long, he'd get bored and she'd find him balls deep in one of the girls she'd been dancing with but the other part of her told her he wouldn't. Some honesty that she saw in his eyes that made her think Tig saw her differently.

"Bobby's passed out... face down in red bush mountain." He spoke to Clay as Baby sat atop the table, looking at the mess she was going to have to clean up in the morning. She dreaded to think how bad it was inside

"Good to have him back."

"Yeah. We're gonna come out the other side of this."

"Yeah, we are. Shit always works out." Clay reached forward to tap Baby, grinning when she smiled down at him, eyes slightly glazed. "You don't get drunk too often do you?"

"Palpitations." She tapped her chest, enjoying the warm buzz the few beers she'd had had given her, yawning after a moment.

"You tired?" Tig asked, finishing off his own drink as she nodded. "C'mon. Let's get you to bed."

"I'm not drunk, y'know, I can manage."

"I'm a little drunk." Tig laughed, keeping his arm around her waist as he pulled her along. "You can help keep me upright."

Clay smiled to himself as he watched the two head inside, arm in arm. Jax and Beth weren't his kids but he loved them like they were. Call him old fashioned but when it came to matters of the heart, he worried about her more. Jax could handle himself where women were concerned, he'd proved that. But Clay always worried about Beth, especially after her sixteenth. He worried it would screw up her relationships she might have when she grew up and of course, the protective side of him wanted to keep her single forever.

And even as a surprise to himself, despite having seen Tig's history with women, he trusted his right hand man when it came to Beth. He'd known Tig since before she was born and knew when Tig was going to screw something up. But he wouldn't this time and not just because he'd been warned of the consequences if he did. Clay saw the look in his eyes, the same one he had for Gemma when John Teller was still alive, same look Jax had for Tara. No, if Clay was going to trust anyone with his little girl it was Tig. They were just good together.

* * *

Baby awoke briefly, trapped half under Tig's weight when his phone started to ring. Without even opening his eyes he reached down and pulled the cell from his pocket and picked up, soon leaving the room, presumably to find Clay. She figured she'd leave him to it, rolling over to catch a few more hours before she had to start clearing shit away.

"What's happening?" She mumbled into the pillow, still awake when Tig returned a few minutes later.

"Alvarez found a dead Mayan throwing up nine fingers." He slipped back beneath the covers, pressing himself against her back and burying his nose in her hair.

"Why is that our problem?"

"Cause Opie killed that Mayan but he carved our name into his guts." She felt his chest heave against her back as he sighed. "Jax dumped the body. Must've tried to cover it up."

"It's too early for this bullshit." She shifted until she was lay on her back, giggling when Tig now rested his face in her cleavage, mustache tickling her skin. "What's the next move?"

"Clay's gonna tip off Laroy and meet with him later. We do what we can so this doesn't blow back on us." He let out a small grunt as he moved to lay completely atop her, face pressing firmly between her breasts. "You're amazing."

"Are you just saying that cause you're practically motor boating me?"

"I'm saying that cause your automatic reaction to me getting on top of you was to wrap your legs around me." He chuckled the last part of his sentence as Beth slapped the top of his arm but made no attempt to untangle herself.

* * *

When she did finally manage to get out of bed, she made herself and whoever else was awake tea and coffee. She sat down beside a hungover Chibs, letting him lean slightly against her. She had been meaning to ask him about his opinion on her relationship with Tig. Sure Clay was her step father but Chibs was dad to her and even though the only opinion that really mattered was her own, she still couldn't help but want his approval.

"So, uh... Tig and I are kinda dating now."

"Aye." He nodded, sipping his coffee. "I already knew but if I didn't I would after I saw youse hanging all over each other last night."

"We weren't that bad." She elbowed him lightly, laughing and blushing at his comment. "Just wanted to make sure you're cool with it."

"Are you gonna leave him if I'm not cool with it?"

"No."

"Then why are you asking?"

"Cause you're my dad and I want you to like my partner whoever it may be." She smiled and he wrapped his arm around her.

"Darlin', as your da' no one is ever gonna be good enough in my eyes. But, Tig knows the hurt that'll be coming his way if he ever hurts you and I know well enough that you are capable of taking care of yourself. And at least with Tig, I can keep an eye on you."

"Does that mean your ok with it or that you're just putting up with it?"

"So far he seems to be treatin' you right. So I'm fine with it. If that changes though-"

"Yeah, I get the picture." Beth smiled and leaned to press a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you."

* * *

Once she and Sack had finished clearing up after the nights festivities she was ready to just fall back into bed. She hadn't drank that much but it had been pretty late when she and Tig finally got to bed. The familiar tune of her phone stopped her though as she leaned against the bar to answer. It was Tig, calling to say that Gemma had run her caddy off the road the night previous and was at St Thomas. In a panic, Baby was rushing out the door and speeding off on her bike before Half Sack could even ask what happened.

"Tig?" She called as she jogged up the hospital hallway. "Where is she?"

"Hey, calm down. She's alright, she's with Tara. Apparently she's just a little bruised up, that's all."

"Have you see her?"

"Not yet." Clay crossed the room, pulling her into his chest.

* * *

Just inside the next room, Unser was telling Gemma that everyone had been told she was in a car crash but had come to see that she was ok. In true Gemma fashion she was pissed.

"Actually they're all here. Jax and the guys."

"Jesus Christ. Is there anyone you didn't tell?" The two of them watched Tara leave to attempt to handle the situation.

"I get that you don't want to see Clay right now but... Maybe having Beth to talk to would help. Huh?"

"No." Gemma shook her head firmly. "She's the last person I want to know. It'd kill her, Wayne." She lowered her head. "Beth cannot find out, you understand?"

* * *

It took some convincing but Beth eventually left the hospital with Clay. He assured her that Gemma was fine, reminding her just how tough her mother was. There was a moment that she worried again when she realized Tig had gone with Opie. Not that there was need to but she knew this business with Donna was still eating away at Tig. On the occasional night they spent together, he'd sometimes have fitful, restless sleep or just no sleep at all and when she asked about it she could tell just from the look on his face what was keeping him up.

Pushing it from her mind she stayed by Clay's side, heading back to the clubhouse before the Mayan meet later in the evening. And of course, for all the dramatic shit in this life, there'd always be the ridiculous to counter it. This time? Porn.

"Thoughts?"

"Everybody loves pussy."

"I second that."

"Third it."

"I'm a very big fan of pussy."

"All in favor, like I gotta ask?"

"Pussy!"

"All right. Looks like we're making movies."

Baby laughed to herself from her Church seat, listening to the typical men get excited about the prospect of getting involved in the porn business. The whole thing had got her thinking though. The reason she'd told Tig she wouldn't sleep with him right away was partially due to her past. She still had scars on the inside of her thighs and she couldn't shake the thought of him being put off if he were to see them. But along with that and the mental barriers she'd created for herself over the years, she was completely inexperienced.

She'd made out with a few guys and girls over the years with the Maidens but that was as far as it went and most of those fumbles were under the influence of a shit ton of booze. And she knew how Tig was, had always been. Ever since she could remember she would see some crow eater hanging off Tig's arm whenever she came to visit as a kid. Back then she just thought he had lots of different girlfriends but now she was older she knew it meant that Tig knew exactly what he wanted and how he wanted it. She had no clue.

But the more nights they spent at each others houses, the further they went. Innocent kisses turned into making out. Making out turned into wandering hands. Wandering hands turned into groping and groping turned into grinding, bordering on dry humping. She knew she wanted him, had done since she wasn't repulsed when he put his hands on her like she had been with others in the past. But she didn't know how to go about letting him know. There was still something in her that stopped her from just telling him outright and she'd never tried acting sexy and seductive before. Maybe this porn business might be a good idea. With people like Lyla and Ima around she might be able to pick up a few pointers.

"Baby?" Tig's voice startled her from her thoughts, making her realize she was the only one left in Chapel. "I'm guessing you're not on board with the whole porn thing?"

"What makes you say that?" She frowned, standing up and making her way around the table.

"You haven't said a thing since the vote passed and now you're just sitting there in your own head."

"Just thinking about some stuff." She smiled and slipped her arm around his waist as they left the clubhouse. "And actually I think it might be fun. If I think I see some weird shit around here, I'd imagine I'd see worse in a porn studio."

* * *

After Church Baby accompanied the guys to their meet with the Niners, standing just off to the back, by the bikes as a good prospect should. She could see some of Laroy's boys glancing her way and knew Laroy had probably asked Clay about her presence but just managed to remain indifferent. She had to expect this kind of reaction for a while, just until enough people saw her in her cut enough times for it to become a normal thing.

When the Mayans attacked she was quick to find cover before she started shooting back and within seconds she felt that old familiar adrenaline buzzing through her veins. It startled her for a second when she turned and saw Clay and the boys instead of Gloria and the girls but the smile on her face was just the same. This was the shit she lived for. Was she crazy? Maybe a little but so were most people that put on a cut every morning.

"Baby, you good?" Tig asked, jogging over to her once the shooting stopped and the Mayans left. His hands ran down her sides as his eyes frantically searched her for any sign of an injury.

"I'm whole, Tigger." She smiled after noting that he too was fine. Heart still thumping she pulled him down by his cut for a chaste kiss. "You worry too much." She teased, poking his cheek and laughing at his poorly hidden smirk.

"Shut it."

* * *

At the clubhouse she was distracted for the most part, trying to help Bobby until Tara got there. When Tara did arrive and took over, Baby turned to head to the kitchen, just catching sight of Gemma before she could.

"Jesus Christ, mum!" She moved closer, reaching up to gently touch her face. "Are you ok?"

"I'm ok, Baby." Gemma forced a smile that Baby could tell was fake but she didn't question it. She imagined she wouldn't feel much like smiling after a crash either. "You ok?"

"Of course." Beth slipped her arm around her mum's waist. "I was gonna get some tea. Join me?"

Gemma nodded, allowing her daughter to lead her through to the kitchen whilst Clay and Jax headed off to talk. Gemma didn't say much, just held the mug close to her between her hands only really moving when she saw Jax pass by and head up to the roof. She tilted her head at Beth who shrugged. Gemma didn't need to stress about anything else right now. When she stood and followed after her son, Beth did the same. The three Teller's sat in silence up on the roof, each with a head full of problems, their own and their shared. But none spoke on it, instead just enjoyed being close and being peaceful if only for a moment.


	11. She's an angel, my only angel

**Title -**   _Looking For Heaven_  
 **Chapter title -**   _She's an angel, my only angel_  
 **Author -**   _OblivionsGarden_  
 **Genre -**   _Hurt/Comfort/Romance/Family_  
 **Disclaimer -**   _I do not own Sons Of Anarchy in anyway shape or form. I only own the plot points surrounding my oc's, not recognized from the show or comics._  
 **Chapter Word Count -**   _3459 words._

 **Title Song -**   _Only Angel - Harry Styles_

 **A/n -**   _I'd love and appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you think. x_

* * *

"Big finish, Lyla."

"Holy mother of Christ!" Baby gasped when she saw exactly where Lyla was about to stick that bottle of champagne. "Why did I come down here?" She mumbled to herself turning to try and find a spot in Caracara that wasn't displaying sex acts or porn paraphernalia. Easier said than done. She had only dropped by to see the place now it was set up, she should have known better.

Luann called a wrap, Chibs and Juice standing to give their applause to the scene. Laughing and shaking her head, Baby decided to hide in Luann's office for the time being until the boys were ready to head out.

"Oh, hey there sweetheart." Luann smiled warmly at the girl perched on her desk. "What are you hiding in here for? All the fun happens out on the studio floor."

"They're having a bit more fun than I can manage."

"Seriously?" Luann raised an eyebrow and placed a hand on her hip. "You're dating Tig Trager, honey. I would've thought you'd seen all the kinky shit you could imagine by now." When Baby remained silent, a slight blush on her cheeks and eyes sinking to the floor, Luann's mouth fell open. "You guys have never-"

"Luann!" Beth gestured to the open office door. "Some things are private..."

"So does Tig know you're a virgin?"

"No... I mean I don't think so." Baby didn't even bother to ask how she figured that out. "I've never said it but he's not an idiot."

"Is that why you've never..." Luann trailed off, letting Baby shrug her shoulder. "I could give you some tips if you like. It's perfectly normal to be nervous your first time."

"No. No it's ok. I'll figure it out myself. Thanks though."

She headed back out onto the floor as she saw Bobby arrive and it wasn't long before Luann was loosing her shit over him having to take care of the books. Sighing, she dropped onto one of the sofas figuring she was gonna be here for a while.

A little while later, Tara came in looking for Jax with a worried expression on her face. Baby made to leave for the door, to see what the hell was going on but before she could Luann caught her arm, slipping something inside her cut with a wink before she pushed her along. Baby sneaked a peak as she left, finding a dvd hidden in her clothes. A crude cover of a petite girl in a pink frilled dress and an older man in a shirt leering over her. Blushing furiously she pulled up the zip on her cut and rushed to her bike, eager to get this thing hidden before anyone else could see her with it.

However the scene that greeted her outside the door was that of her mother, crying as she leaned against her car that was now sporting a smashed up window. She gingerly approached Gemma, knowing how jumpy she had become since her car accident and slipped an arm around her waist as she shot a glare in Clay's direction. No one was saying anything, just staring until Clay told Baby to keep herself free and then left, Tig following after him.

"Hey, what's going on?" She asked her mother in the quiet moment that followed his departure.

"Just personal shit, sweetheart. No need for you to worry, it'll fix itself."

* * *

Later in the day she received a call from Clay telling her to dress in all black, cover her hair and meet them at the clubhouse. From there the group of them headed out to blow Darby's cookhouse that the boys had voted on earlier. Watching Opie come from the house after deciding to go without a remote had her heart thudding loud in her ears. She knew he had become reckless since Donna's death but she just hadn't realized how bad he really was. Making a mental note to keep an eye on him where she could, they all left the scene.

"Hey, you coming to the wrap party tonight doll?" Tig asked in the back of the van.

"I think I'm gonna give this one a miss." Beth scrunched up her nose at the though of partying with girls that made all her insecurities chime like bells in her head.

"You sure? Should be fun, Luann knows how to throw a good one."

"Yeah, I uh... I got some stuff I want to look into anyway. You go though, have fun."

"Alright, I'll stop by your place after?"

"I was hoping so."

* * *

Once she was back at home Beth took a shower and changed into a fresh pair of pajamas. She placed an order for some Chinese food, ordering extra because she knew Tig was a hungry drunk sometimes. Whilst she waited she decided 'to hell with it' and headed to her bedroom where she stuck Luann's DVD into her player.

'Virgin Lessons' was the titled that flashed up on screen and she could already feel herself inwardly cringing. She grabbed one of her fluffy white cushions and cuddled it to her, as though somehow protecting herself from whatever might happen on screen. There were a few seconds of narration by the 'virgin' girl, as though she were talking to a diary all about her encounter with an experienced older guy. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Beth crossed her legs under her as she waited to see how the scene would unfold.

Surprisingly, she actually found it a turn on and that was before anyone had even started taking clothes off. The actors were clearly attracted to each other and the build up to what they were about to do had Beth engrossed. So much so that she didn't hear Tig let himself into her place as he always did, nor did she hear him wandering around to find her, stopping short in the door way of her room. When he saw what was on the screen he smirked to himself, folding his arms and leaning against the door frame.

"You making plans without me, Baby doll?"

Baby jumped, scrambling to find the TV remote and pausing the screen, moving to block it from his view. Blushing she tucked her hair behind her ear and tried desperately to come up with a good excuse.

"Don't get all shy on me, sweetheart. Let's watch it together."

Moving slowly, not wanting to seem like he was going to push her into an uncomfortable situation, Tig toed off his boots and hung his cut beside hers on the back of her door. He got himself comfy on her bed, patting the space beside him. Cheeks still a shade of pink to match her hair, she climbed next to him and handed him the remote, deciding that letting him take control would be best for her. After all, he knew what he was doing and she didn't.

Tig played the movie, the actors moving closer on the sofa they were on and starting to kiss. It started slow at first and quickly got more heated. Tig trailed his finger along her arm, chuckling when she shivered. He kissed the skin at her elbow, moving upwards and leaving a trail of kisses, along her shoulder and collar bone and up her neck before he finally reached her lips which were already parted and waiting for him. Her hands eagerly reached for him, one clutching the collar of his shirt and the other tangling in the soft curls at the nape of his neck.

Their lips moved eagerly together, Tig of course being the one to slip in his tongue and pull her flush against his chest, rolling partially onto her and entwining their legs together. He released her mouth only to begin leaving a mark on the hollow of her throat as one hand ran up her side to palm at her breast. Her gasp was like music to his ears as he was pleased to realize she had no bra on beneath her top. Using his thumb and forefinger he pinched her nipple through the fabric relishing in the way she arched her back, pushing her chest into his. Once his mark was left, he pulled back to glance at the screen and see how far the couple in the porno had got.

Noticeably further. The man had his hand down the girls underwear, her moaning in his lap. Baby glanced from the screen to Tig. They had never gone that far before. Before Tig could say a word Baby blurted the words from her mouth without thinking.

"I'm a virgin." She looked shocked at her own voice. "I've never been with a man before."

"I know you're a vi-" He tilted his head with a slight frown. "A man? You've been with a woman?"

"Just oral and I've never received..." She confessed, peering up at him through her lashes. "I'm bi... I thought I mentioned that."

"No... You never said."

"That ok with you?"

"Oh Baby, that is so ok with me. Super hot too." He laughed as she batted at his chest, a frown now settling on her features.

"Wait, you knew?"

"Yeah, you get all red faced whenever I get a little frisky just like virgins do." He shrugged. "Where'd you get this anyway?" He gestured at the screen where the girl was now on her knees taking the man's cock as far down her throat as she could manage.

"Luann was trying to give me advice." They both shared a laugh as he turned off the tv altogether.

"If you wanted to know about it you could've just asked me. That girl in the video? She ain't no virgin."

"Yeah, I kinda figured." Beth sighed, leaning against Tig's chest and fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. "I do want you, Alex. I-I've never been able to get further that a few kisses with guys before cause all I ever saw was his face. I never get that with you, not even for a split second."

"Hey, I told you I was ready when you are."

"I know. I guess I was just worried about being clueless."

"So we'll take it slow, I'll talk to you the whole time, so you know exactly what I'm doing and if you want to stop we can."

"Seriously? You're gonna be hard as a rock but I say stop and that's cool." Beth scoffed at the thought but Tig pulled her head to look him straight in the eye.

"Yeah, Beth... I'm serious. I am never going do anything that you don't want. That's a promise."

Smiling, Beth leaned in to kiss him only to be interrupted by her front door bell. She uttered the words 'Chinese food' before heading off to pay the man. Tig had followed her out but she placed the food into the oven on a low heat to keep it warm. Then she took Tig's hand and lead him back into her room.

"You can't get me all worked up like you just did and then expect me to sit eating kung pow chicken."

Once they were back in her bedroom she turned to face him, suddenly loosing the confidence that had overcome her for a moment. Sensing it in her expression Tig reached for her hips, guiding her to lay back down on the bed where he resumed his earlier task of marking her neck. As he did so he ran his hands up her sides, pushing up her tank top as they went. He pulled his mouth away from her skin as he pulled the garment up and over her head, tossing it somewhere behind him. He kissed her shoulder now, where she had a floral shoulder cap on her right. She giggled at the feel of his mustache on her skin.

Following his lead she reached to unbutton Tig's shirt, biting her lip in anticipation. Unlike some of the younger members of Samcro, Tig wasn't one to walk around without a shirt on on a hot day so she had no idea what lay beneath the fabric. She was pleased to see the dark hair and enjoyed how it felt beneath her fingertips. Once his shirt was gone completely Tig remained still for a moment, letting her explore his body at her own leisure. Her fingers felt heavenly as they danced down his chest and across his hips. When she had had her fun and was left wondering what to do now, she looked back up at his smiling face.

He lay her back on the bed, cupping one breast in his hand and latching his lips around the nipple of the other. Beth gasped, never having felt anything like it before. As his tongue ran across her, her mind was swimming in thought of how his mouth would feel on other parts of her body. Her back arched as Tig moved his mouth to the other breast, his hands moving down to grip her hips and then pushing into her pajama shorts, gripping the flesh of hes ass in his large hands. The cool feeling from the metal of his rings against her skin made her flinch but only pushed her against him even more.

Sitting up he grabbed the shorts and her panties in one grip and tugged them down her legs, once again tossing them to heaven knows where in her room. He stopped to let his eyes run over he body, licking his lips at the sight before him. She was keeping her thighs tight together out of nervousness but he knew he could help her relax. He slipped one leg between hers, leaning down to capture her lips again.

"You're so beautiful, Baby." He whispered into her mouth, feeling her knees beginning to part slightly. His lips trailed down her neck and her chest, tongue tracing patterns on her stomach until he reached her hips, finding that her legs were now either side of him as he settled himself between them. For the first time he saw the scars that littered the skin of her inner thighs and he took a moment to swallow the anger he felt for  _him_. Instead of dwelling on it he kissed each and every scar, murmuring words of her beauty between each one.

"I'm gonna touch you now, doll." He spoke softly as his fingers ran along her, dipping between her folds and feeling the slick wetness that had formed at his touches. He smiled to himself as he pushed the tip of a finger into her, lifting his head to watch as her lips parted and eyes widened at the intrusion. "Let me know if you change your mind." They were the last words he said before he pressed his tongue against her clit, groaning at the taste. She let out a shriek of surprise as he ate her out, feeling his finger slip further into her. His other hand reached up and sought out hers, giving her something to anchor herself to. Soon enough her hips began writhing beneath him as she crashed into an orgasm more intense than any she'd ever given herself.

"Guess all that bragging you used to do about the crow eaters was true, huh?" She laughed when she had come down from her high. "No wonder they kept coming back to you."

"And now you get my expertise all to yourself."

"Lucky me." They shared a smile as Tig stood from the bed, removing his belt and pants. "Do you want me to... Y'know?" She gestured vaguely to the prominent tent in the front of his boxers.

"Not tonight, Baby." Tig palmed himself before he pushed his underwear to the floor, revealing himself to her for the first time. "Tonight is about your pleasure."

"Holy shit." She marveled at the size of him. "All this time I just thought your arrogance got the better of you but..." She shook her head, reached to grasp him gently in her hand. Her fingers didn't even reach the whole way around him and she didn't even dare guess at his length. "This is really gonna hurt isn't it?"

"Not if I can help it." Tig reached for his jeans, pulling a condom from his wallet. "You got any coconut oil?"

"Now?"

"Trust me, sweetheart."

"There's some in the bathroom cabinet that I use for shaving." Tig disappeared for a moment before returning with the pot in hand. "What are you using it for."

"Unless you have a side I don't know about and have lube laying around here, this'll do the same job... Smells good too." A small 'oh' was all she said as Tig slipped on the condom and scooped some of the oil out onto his fingers. He spread some onto himself and used his fingers to put some over her. He climbed above her, resting his hands either side of her head once he was positioned at her entrance. "You ready?"

"Go slowly, ok?"

A nod and then he was sinking into her. Her arousal, her orgasm and the excess of coconut oil made it relatively easy for him to slip almost halfway into her. The noise that came from her lips could've been an angels chorus for all Tig knew, what he did know is that he wanted to hear it again and again, over and over for the rest of his life. Watching her face for any sign of discomfort he continued to push himself in until he was buried completely in her. He gave her a few moments to get used to the new feeling, watching as a flush worked it's way onto her cheeks and chest. Her lips were parted and he took the opportunity to kiss them until she was ready for him to move.

When she was he pulled out only half way before sinking back into her warmth. Her facial expression was blissful, a slight smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as he began a steady rhythm of rocking into her. She finally found a coherent part of her brain that allowed her to move her hands, running over the muscles of his arms and shoulders, through the hair on his chest and eventually resting on his neck. She pulled him gently, needing more of his kisses but finding the most she could manage was to release her moans and whimpers into his mouth.

Tig didn't mind a bit. It gave him something to focus on other than how tight she was around him. Tig was usually a fast and hard kinda guy, it was very rare he slowed himself down this much but with the sounds coming from her and the look on her face with the feeling around his cock... He was making mental notes to take his time with her more often that he would bother with anyone else. He thought of trying other positions but decided for her first time they should keep it simple. There'd be plenty of time to teach her everything he knew and then try new things too if she was up for it.

She lifted her legs to wrap around his waist, quietly requesting for him to go a little faster. Of course he obliged and in just a few moments her moaning got louder although she tried to use one of her many pillows to muffle it. Tig pulled the thing away, kissing her quickly.

"Don't hide it, Baby Doll." He panted above her. "If it feels good, let me hear it."

He lifted up a little, grabbing both of her breasts in her hands and running his thumbs over her nipples as her moans turned into a gasping scream, another orgasm rippling through her body causing her to shiver beneath him. The feeling of her walls constricting even further around him pushed Tig into his own orgasm, grunting out her name as he left his finger prints in bruises on her hips. Breathless he collapsed beside her, hastily pulling her into his chest and pressing a kiss to her hairline, nose and lips. They were silent for a long time before Tig chuckled softly.

"I couldn't be more out of place than in this room."

"You mean the big badass biker doesn't fit in the pink and white room?" Beth glanced at the pink fluffy pillow that was beneath his head with a smile. "Don't worry, next time we'll stay at your place so you can be as manly as you like."

"Next time?" Tig kissed her again with his familiar smirk. "I was kinda hoping next time will be as soon as I'm hard again. Which, coincidentally, is right about now."


End file.
